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Original poster

Found husbands secret phone

616 replies

Sandpaperkisses357 · 17/04/2020 19:09

I have, a few days ago, found a phone I never knew my husband had..(I never usually would go through his phone but I just got a horrible feeling)and on it are texts from one of his female friends, one of which was asking him to send her money, 100 or 150 if possible as things are hard for her and family can't help.. next msg, her asking again and saying she will pay back the 1000?! He already sent last month When she gets bk on her feet WTF?! Another msg, burn after u read this ..
I am fuming to say the least .. how do I approach this ..
That money could have gone on the family, maybe for a holiday, which we've had one of in our 10 yrs together or get me my driving lessons he keeps putting off as " we can't afford it" but not just on some other woman.
Now I'm questioning our whole lives together and wondering is he having an affair?
We have 5 kids together, and can't just leave so easily..feeling so depressed about it all .. and even harder in the current circumstances too.
Totally heartbroken Sad

OP posts:
CircleofWillis · 21/04/2020 06:20

Mathanxiety I am in awe of your tradecraft skills. 👏🏻 👏🏻 👏🏻

DorothyHarris · 21/04/2020 06:30

Wow just rtft what a wanker. Hope you got some sleep x

mathanxiety · 21/04/2020 06:42

I have brought up a family of five, CircleofWillis. They taught me everything I know Smile

TiddlestheCat · 21/04/2020 08:01

@mathanxiety

Are you some sort of spy?

Whitegrenache · 21/04/2020 08:13

@mathanxiety are you James Bond Grin

Good luck OP thinking of you x

Branleuse · 21/04/2020 08:15

Does he earn much money? Thats a lot of maintenance he will have to pay out for all those kids. You will also get government help while they are still small. Please dont let fear of finances make you stay with a cheating liar x

lunar1 · 21/04/2020 08:25

So sorry you are going through this at such an awful time. What an asshole!

SpnBaby1967 · 21/04/2020 08:31

So sorry OP, although I'm kind of laughing at knowing he'll be panicking about where the phone is.

I don't know how you've held it together, I'd have exploded as soon as I found it.

MissSunnyDays · 21/04/2020 08:34

This reply has been deleted

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nameymcnamechangeagain · 21/04/2020 08:50

Hope youre ok op, don’t know how you’re keeping your cool!!

pinkblanchmange · 21/04/2020 08:50

Keep calm and let him stew for a couple of days

hesgotit · 21/04/2020 08:50

Remember, he will know you've got the phone, he is prepared and ready to talk nonsense!

hopsalong · 21/04/2020 08:53

OP, ugh crap. I'm so sorry. Can imagine the churning feelings you must be experiencing, and you're doing brilliantly to hold it together. It's awful timing for you to find out, but I wonder if the fact that you HAVE also has something to do with lockdown. Maybe he normally sees her quite a bit during the day? And now is needing to use the phone more, only quickly when rushing out to shops etc, so left it there? If so, maybe you'll be thanking this whole situation in years to come for letting you find out the truth.

On the images you've taken. Are they stored on iCloud or some other virtual server? Or can you send to a friend? Please make sure there are back-ups before you confront him, just in case he goes nuts and grabs your phone and tries to delete them.

Also, it is possible that this isn't a proper affair. The wording of the Valentine's draft sounds a bit guilty rather than head-over-heels romantic. And giving money also sounds like a possible blackmail situation. I say this just because it reminded me of a friend of my husband's who was blackmailed by a stripper (I think he must have shagged her but definitely didn't have a relationship) a few years ago. She threatened to tell his family etc. In the end I think he paid her off or threatened legal action or something. He was completely fucked up by the whole thing (hence weepily / drunkenly telling my husband and another friend). He and his wife are still together but I don't know if she knows.

StoneofDestiny · 21/04/2020 09:14

If you hide the phone - hide the SIM card in another location - keep the evidence.

Buggedandconfused · 21/04/2020 09:15

Are you ok OP? Have there been any more messages?

BunnytheHoneyBee · 21/04/2020 09:16

I hope you’re ok OP.

You’re handling this much better than I would. I don’t think I’d be able to keep calm and carry on. I’d have confronted him immediately, wouldn’t have been able to stop myself (and not sure that’s the best way)

AlternativePerspective · 21/04/2020 09:38

You could msg her.....pretend to be him and say, I think my wife is suspicious!!
I would msg her, pretend to be him and say “being here in lockdown has made me realise that I really love my wife and I don’t want to break up my family. It’s over between us, please do not contact me again.”

And then I’d let him stew for a few more days before throwing him out anyway.

FoolishWife · 21/04/2020 10:35

Morning OP. How are you today? I hope you got some sleep.
You can only go with how you feel but if you can get a few official bits and bobs sorted out, photographed etc. Did he pay the money from an account you know?? If so photograph the transaction or if not, can you search his paperwork/laptop for info of another account. It would be good to know if he's been giving her lots of regular moneybirif he has funds elsewhere.
I'm not having much luck with this myself but being as my husband seems to be supporting a whole other family, I'm desperately searching for the means and proof of how he does this. Part if the reason I'm sitting in lockdown with him still!!

Mathanxiety Wow! Love you suggestion. We're you one of the mumsnetters recruited by MI5?

SomewhereInbetween1 · 21/04/2020 11:29

Hope you managed a relaxing night sleep OP. Sending lots of love x

Original poster
Sandpaperkisses357 · 21/04/2020 12:22

Hi everyone..
So today I don't know, I've had some kind of breakdown.. a mixture of all that's going on and the kids playing up has just sent me over the edge so I couldn't help it but I blurted it all out and as I imagined he is denying it all . Telling me nothing is going on and 1st said the money was for business then when I said I know it's not changed it to he done it to help her as she has some mental issues .. the valentines msg was just for comfort apparently..more bullshit!
I even tried calling her, from my phone but no answer ..so called his cousin who hes close to and told him all that's been going on...he can't believe it, tried to tell me hes probably just helping someone out as he is kind like that .. I said it's not true, so he has now spoken with him ..
I'm now sitting shaking with anger and crying like crazy
Cant believe this shit.

I'm angry at myself too for losing it now
Ah fuck

OP posts:
Rebelwithallthecause · 21/04/2020 12:24

Pack his bags now the lying dirtbag

How dare he lie and not even give you the decency of a level of truth

You needed it out in the open, now it is, he’s shown you his stance and he has no respect to give you

HostessTrolley · 21/04/2020 12:26

If he had nothing to hide he wouldn’t be, well, hiding it 🤷‍♀️

Fedhimtotigers · 21/04/2020 12:27

You're not in court.
You don't need him to plead guilty or prove what's happening beyond doubt.
You know what he's doing.
He knows he's fucked. He's not going to admit it.

Poppi89 · 21/04/2020 12:27

Please don't be angry with yourself you have done nothing wrong! He should be angry at himself as he is in the wrong!

Tell him to come clean to everything else the relationship is over.

I would not trust his cousin or friends either just in case they knew and are lying for him.

Buggedandconfused · 21/04/2020 12:29

You need to ask him to leave OP. Can he go to his brothers? This is no life for you or your children. He is 100% bullshitting you. I hope you have kept the phone.