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Original poster

Found husbands secret phone

616 replies

Sandpaperkisses357 · 17/04/2020 19:09

I have, a few days ago, found a phone I never knew my husband had..(I never usually would go through his phone but I just got a horrible feeling)and on it are texts from one of his female friends, one of which was asking him to send her money, 100 or 150 if possible as things are hard for her and family can't help.. next msg, her asking again and saying she will pay back the 1000?! He already sent last month When she gets bk on her feet WTF?! Another msg, burn after u read this ..
I am fuming to say the least .. how do I approach this ..
That money could have gone on the family, maybe for a holiday, which we've had one of in our 10 yrs together or get me my driving lessons he keeps putting off as " we can't afford it" but not just on some other woman.
Now I'm questioning our whole lives together and wondering is he having an affair?
We have 5 kids together, and can't just leave so easily..feeling so depressed about it all .. and even harder in the current circumstances too.
Totally heartbroken Sad

OP posts:
CalleighDoodle · 20/04/2020 20:01

Also, throw the phone at his penis.

Literally no way on earth he would be getting the phone back. shove it it in the loft hatch.

IHateMyPassportPhoto · 20/04/2020 20:10

Pack his bags and leave them on the doorstep. Put the phone on the step next to his bags. Lock the doors.

Notimeforaname · 20/04/2020 20:13

Op, was her phone number a foreign number (foreign prefix) or is it a national/local number?

Poppybeaumydarlinggirl · 20/04/2020 20:13

If it was just a friend then why not phone txt of his proper phone out in the open. Good luck hope kids don't hear or see the confrontation though.

icelollycraving · 20/04/2020 20:21

Oh op, I’m so sorry to read this. Really feel for you.
Only you know if this is over for you, don’t let anyone push you into any big decisions right now. Lockdown has to be a really tricky time to challenge a cheat.
Flowers

mathanxiety · 20/04/2020 20:26

Hope I'm not too late to give my advice - don't confront him until you have done your financial homework. Look at your current and savings accounts, also credit card cash advances. See if any money has been borrowed against your house.

I divorced with five kids having been a sahm, OP. It can be done.

winterchills · 20/04/2020 20:29

Utter bastards, so sorry 😩

lynzpynz · 20/04/2020 20:34

Oh OP, I'm so sorry you are going through this. You must be so gutted finding this. Turn that grief into anger, productive anger, and focus on getting everything you can for you and your babies ❤️. Sending so much sympathy and support.

You can do this and you don't need someone who treats you like this.

backinaminute · 20/04/2020 20:37

This is so shit Op, I'm so sorry.

Chilledoutmuma · 20/04/2020 20:46

Please be safe! I’m not saying anything bad will happen but he may be aggressive in his defence and with lock down, people are getting violent. You’ve got this, you can be strong! X

Veterinari · 20/04/2020 20:51

Please read FidgetyTwitch's post from earlier this evening.

OP you have 5 kids, you need to be strategic not emotional.
It sucks, I'm sorry

Fuckyoumenopause · 20/04/2020 20:51

I can't imagine what you're going through right now, what an utter gobshite. Sending strength and hugs Flowers

GoofyLuce · 20/04/2020 21:00

I really hope your okay OP!

He is a complete twat and one day he will bloody well realise what he has lost. Be strong for both the children and YOURSELF! Your worth so much more than this!

I agree with PP about planning what you are going to say. Don't give him any chance to turn it into you...this is why evidence is vital. You've got the most important part...that bastard phone!

Flowers
TiddlestheCat · 20/04/2020 21:03

Definitely withhold all the information that you have, Inc his second phone. Start by asking him who she is and how long he has known her. Then, why he has been lending her money? Be prepared for him to say that it's been an emotional affair/close friendship, rather than anything physical. Ask when he last spoke to her (you already know the answer to this). Then ask why she would call him 'my man'?, Why, according to his call log, he has called her so much, Inc just two days ago. Ask him to explain why he sent her a valentine's Day message. You can also say that you know everything to unnerve him. Police use quite a lot of different techniques when interviewing suspects, one of which is to jump back and forth with the timeline. And of course, they have all their questions worked out in advance. Do the same, be prepared. Good luck! You are one hell of a strong woman!! Unbelievably strong! X

caroloro · 20/04/2020 21:05

Hope all OK. Did you confront him? Please post back on here so we all know nothing bad has happened to you x

Tistheseason17 · 20/04/2020 21:16

Hope you're ok OP.
Plan your exit, IF that is what you decide. Get finances sorted. Get real life support, please

Notimeforaname · 20/04/2020 21:20

Yes op, what caroloro said... , would like to know you are safe when you get a chance.
We're all here for you.

BumbleBeee69 · 20/04/2020 21:38

OP can you see a profile photo.. or search the phone number on google.. or facebook ?

just a thought but can you change her mobile number in his phone to your number ? so when messages her...the messages will come to you.. x

Notimeforaname · 20/04/2020 21:52

BumbleBeee69 it's not a smart phone so no profile picture.

He doesn't have the other woman's name saved in the phone, It's just her number above txts,.... so he would surly recognise his wife's number in place of the OW's number.

Notimeforaname · 20/04/2020 21:53

Searching on Google may be an option though.

Original poster
Sandpaperkisses357 · 20/04/2020 21:54

Sorry everyone, I am ok..I've been going between baby and toddler trying to settle them, so still not had a chance yet.

I'm overwhelmed with the kindness and love you have all shown me, thank you x it is helping me more than you know X

OP posts:
Notimeforaname · 20/04/2020 21:55

Phew, good to know you are safe op!

Notimeforaname · 20/04/2020 21:56

How has he been acting today?
Do you even have the energy the have it out tonight? You must be exhausted Flowers

Notimeforaname · 20/04/2020 21:57

*To have it out

AcrossthePond55 · 20/04/2020 21:58

I understand wanting to get this all out in the open. Right now it's like a pressure cooker sitting on the stove.

But what FidgetyTwitch said is wise. Get your ducks in a row before you blow the lid off of this:

  1. Tell a trusted friend of yours to be safe.
  2. Get legal advice online/phone
  3. Get money from your joint account / savings, passports & docs all safely secured away from him
  4. Screenshots of all messages. Keep the phone as evidence.
  5. Pack his bag in advance.
  6. Firm but controlled confrontation (bloody difficult but you'll feel better you did it that way). Just tell him you know and it's over, and kick him out.
  7. Phone his family and inform them he's been having an affair and giving her family money and is no longer living at yours.
  8. Be prepared that he'll probably go straight round to hers. (Assuming she has not abroad).

24 more hours to do at least 1, 3, 4, & 5 isn't going to change his reaction. But it may put you in a better position if he turns nasty. Remember you can't force him to leave but telling him you're doing 7 may change his mind. Just be sure you do # 2 as soon as you possibly can. I'd probably wait until I'd spoken to a solicitor to confront him.