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Original poster

Found husbands secret phone

616 replies

Sandpaperkisses357 · 17/04/2020 19:09

I have, a few days ago, found a phone I never knew my husband had..(I never usually would go through his phone but I just got a horrible feeling)and on it are texts from one of his female friends, one of which was asking him to send her money, 100 or 150 if possible as things are hard for her and family can't help.. next msg, her asking again and saying she will pay back the 1000?! He already sent last month When she gets bk on her feet WTF?! Another msg, burn after u read this ..
I am fuming to say the least .. how do I approach this ..
That money could have gone on the family, maybe for a holiday, which we've had one of in our 10 yrs together or get me my driving lessons he keeps putting off as " we can't afford it" but not just on some other woman.
Now I'm questioning our whole lives together and wondering is he having an affair?
We have 5 kids together, and can't just leave so easily..feeling so depressed about it all .. and even harder in the current circumstances too.
Totally heartbroken Sad

OP posts:
FidgetyTwitch · 20/04/2020 18:14

I think you need to have a plan before you confront him OP.

  1. Tell a trusted friend of yours to be safe.
  2. Get legal advice online/phone
  3. Get money from your joint account / savings, passports & docs all safely secured away from him
  4. Screenshots of all messages. Keep the phone as evidence.
  5. Pack his bag in advance.
  6. Firm but controlled confrontation (bloody difficult but you'll feel better you did it that way). Just tell him you know and it's over, and kick him out.
  7. Phone his family and inform them he's been having an affair and giving her family money and is no longer living at yours.
  8. Be prepared that he'll probably go straight round to hers. (Assuming she has not abroad).
SunshineCake · 20/04/2020 18:20

Please take care. I'm worried about your safety.

BusyProcrastinator · 20/04/2020 18:21

Agree. You should have a plan and be aware of his finances. And at least be ready to transfer everything- esp savings- out of any joint accounts.

There are a lot of threads where husband has very sharply transferred everything out of the joint account and left the bills behind. It costs a lot of lawyers’ fees to get that back, if ever.

BusyProcrastinator · 20/04/2020 18:22

Also do you have a plan B/escape plan?

SharonasCorona · 20/04/2020 18:35

So sorry OP, well done for keeping it together, we are behind you. x

MrsPerfect12 · 20/04/2020 18:36

Good luck tonight confronting him 💐

Deadposhtory · 20/04/2020 18:44

Just kick him out

marauder1994 · 20/04/2020 18:47

What a disrespectful so and so! I'm so sorry this is happening to you.

Definitely confront him tonight, but make sure you're safe (make sure you have the house keys etc)

Good luck x x

MarrymeTomHardy · 20/04/2020 18:47

So sorry Sandpaperkisses, i know you probably dont feel it right now, but you sound like a strong lady, sending you hugs for tonight x

MadeForThis · 20/04/2020 18:55

It's believable that one of the kids could have found the phone. Don't say anything yet. You need to speak to someone in real life who can support you.

Onesipmore · 20/04/2020 18:59

Hi there. I definitely would not message her. You need to know all of the facts first. I would keep hold of the phone a little while longer and see how he behaves. You need to speak to him before her x

happyjack12 · 20/04/2020 19:00

You know we are all thinking of you, but are you sure there is no-one you can talk to?
Echo the above, if you can , sort evidence, money, important documents, and a place of safety.
My heart goes out to you . Good Luck.

DysonFury · 20/04/2020 19:00

You are as strong as fuck OP and we're here so you aren't alone. Empty the joint accounts of all you can then follow the list above. You will be fine financially between child maintenance (file for this directly) and benefits, which I might add there is no shame in claiming. Change the locks and he can do one. Then do please tell your parents if you have a good relationship. You need as much support as possible right now, emotional and practical (could a friend or family member move in perhaps? Not the ideal time but nobody In their right mind would judge).
You will feel better one day so take it a day at a time and try to find some calm and know that life will be good again.
Sending lots of love and hugs to you and a virtual Glasgow kiss for that arsehole. Flowers

Notimeforaname · 20/04/2020 19:00

Op do please record the conversation you have with him, if possible.
Even if he admits it tonight, he may still gaslight you later down the line, I'm sure of it.
So sorry this is happening.

Notimeforaname · 20/04/2020 19:09

Just in my own experience, I've had an ex admit things when he was caught in the moment... and then later tried to change his story saying that's "not what he meant".... . It drove me mad.

OneOfTheGrundys · 20/04/2020 19:11

You are one tough woman. Stay cool, get advice, then get revenge for your kids and you.
Hugs xx

LittleMissBumFun · 20/04/2020 19:16

You're doing amazingly

MamaGee09 · 20/04/2020 19:20

My friend found out her partner was cheating when she text the girl she had suspicions about pretending to be her partner from partners phone and the reply landed them both right in it!

Good luck .

Notimeforaname · 20/04/2020 19:20

You should have a plan and be aware of his finances. And at least be ready to transfer everything- esp savings- out of any joint accounts

There are a lot of threads where husband has very sharply transferred everything out of the joint account and left the bills behind. It costs a lot of lawyers’ fees to get that back, if ever

Exactly this. Please take care of finances as soon as possible op.

Bollocks2Him · 20/04/2020 19:28

Quick piece of advice from someone who has walked in your shoes..... Email any screenshots you've taken to yourself before you confront him. I didn't think to do that and my ex smashed up my phone in rage when I confronted him. It meant I couldn't use it as leverage in the divorce (or to publicly shame him to friends and family).

I'm sorry you're going through this. It's going to feel like the bottom has fallen out of your world for a while but in the long run you'll be okay! You absolutely deserve better than this. Stay strong and don't believe his lies .... no matter how much you want to!

CalleighDoodle · 20/04/2020 19:42

Dont rush in to anything. Just take your time and plan.

crambosk · 20/04/2020 19:46

just wanted to add my words of support - you're doing amazingly!! can't believe you've had the strength to carry on. agree with all the suggestions of having a rough plan before confrontation, but also encourage a confrontation, even just for your own sanity! hope it all goes well, and we're always here if you need people to talk to

Crackerscheesescabbyknees · 20/04/2020 19:47

Also, throw the phone at his penis.

pumpkintree · 20/04/2020 19:48

I would screen shot every message send it to myself, then I would block and delete her number.

Put the phone on the dinner table or coffee table on loud and ring it standing next to it until he comes to get it.

Jojo19834 · 20/04/2020 19:59

I’m sorry OP, no words

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