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Original poster

Found husbands secret phone

616 replies

Sandpaperkisses357 · 17/04/2020 19:09

I have, a few days ago, found a phone I never knew my husband had..(I never usually would go through his phone but I just got a horrible feeling)and on it are texts from one of his female friends, one of which was asking him to send her money, 100 or 150 if possible as things are hard for her and family can't help.. next msg, her asking again and saying she will pay back the 1000?! He already sent last month When she gets bk on her feet WTF?! Another msg, burn after u read this ..
I am fuming to say the least .. how do I approach this ..
That money could have gone on the family, maybe for a holiday, which we've had one of in our 10 yrs together or get me my driving lessons he keeps putting off as " we can't afford it" but not just on some other woman.
Now I'm questioning our whole lives together and wondering is he having an affair?
We have 5 kids together, and can't just leave so easily..feeling so depressed about it all .. and even harder in the current circumstances too.
Totally heartbroken Sad

OP posts:
careworkerandproud · 20/04/2020 16:22

You could msg her.....pretend to be him and say, I think my wife is suspicious!!

sneakythecat71 · 20/04/2020 16:25

Have you checked her number isn't in his regular phone under a fake name? In case he tries to contact her that way

Inkpaperstars · 20/04/2020 16:31

Sorry you are going through this sandpaper. Agree with pp to be careful. He might conclude that you must have found it and confront you. Or he may be caught between a rock and a hard place when it comes to that! I am so sorry he has done this to you especially while you are caring for such a young child. He's probably regretting having an affair with someone who keeps having to hit him up for a grand...

Crackerscheesescabbyknees · 20/04/2020 16:37

What a pair of snakes.
I don't know how you're being so calm. I would have bagged up his stuff and thrown it out and gone to let the air out of her tyres.

Windyatthebeach · 20/04/2020 16:42

Sit tight with the phone op. At least til tomorrow. Watch him squirm.

Poppi89 · 20/04/2020 16:42

I would be careful contacting her incase she realises and gives him a heads up on his other phone and he will come up with an excuse.

He now knows you know and will have a lot of excuses ready - so be ready for him having an answer to everything!

I would say leave it until after lockdown but I would need to know so I would definitely talk to him when the kids are in bed.

madcatladyforever · 20/04/2020 16:48

Men are cowards when it comes to leaving.
If the phone was secret he would have hidden it really well so you'd never find it. As it was you found it because it wasn't hidden well.
They usually do this to start a confrontation so they can storm out in a strop and say everything's your fault and I'm only leaving because you don't trust me etc ad nauseam.
As opposed to sitting you down and telling you the real reason he is leaving like a normal adult with responsibilities.
Gaslighting all the way.
I'll bet he didn't want 5 kids and is now looking for a way out with another woman, abroad...great, he won't have to pay maintenance abroad.
You may as well confront him because one way or another he will be leaving.
Nobody gives a woman that much money and has a secret phone to talk to her unless he planning for the off. I'm sorry but that's how it is.

TiddlestheCat · 20/04/2020 16:50

I think that you are entitled to a bit of revenge here. Could you not at least use his phone to invite her to go for a walk on the beach or somewhere which would involve effort on her part, only for her to be stood up (I don't believe that she's out of the country). Or perhaps finish with her from his phone. Just to cause her pain.

FidgetyTwitch · 20/04/2020 16:52

Has he got family he can stay with during lockdown? Could you give them a heads up before kicking him out? Pack his bags next time he's at the shops and kick him out swiftly when he returns. Then immediately call the other woman using his phone and see what facts you can glean from her.

Also, as has been said, make sure you've got your ducks in a row, take money out of your joint account and get free legal advice. Thanks

Walruse · 20/04/2020 16:54

What an absolute bastard. Op be wary of replying if she messages whilst he is out. He could well have went to see her and could be fishing to see whether he has simply misplaced the phone or you have found it.

Walruse · 20/04/2020 16:57

And by go to visit her, I mean I would think she likely lives nearby and it's probably another lie that she isn't in the country.

TheMamaYo · 20/04/2020 17:01

What an absolute horrible bastard. I hope you’ve packed his bags.

SunshineCake · 20/04/2020 17:02

I am so sorry, *@Sandpaperkisses357. If you want him out the lockdown doesn't stop that happening fwiw.

WoeIsMee · 20/04/2020 17:05

Feel so sorry for you. Hope it goes ok tonight

IndieTara · 20/04/2020 17:10

Rooting for you OP

Greenkit · 20/04/2020 17:12

He is going to be at the supermarket turning the car upside down 🤣

KitKat1985 · 20/04/2020 17:13

I'm so sorry OP. What a pair of utter cunts. Sad

LennyPugGoat · 20/04/2020 17:17

Change the number in the hidden phone to your number so when he eventually has it back he won’t be messaging her.

Also check the number in his regular phone and do the same if you find it under a different name.

notapizzaeater · 20/04/2020 17:19

Be interesting if he contacts her on his normal,phone once he can't find it, bet he's panicking now ....

littleduckeggblue · 20/04/2020 17:31

Message her

Redwinestillfine · 20/04/2020 17:31

Tell someone in RL op. Just from a safety point of view.

onlyfoolsnhorses · 20/04/2020 17:35

Have u confronted him yet

teaandcake19 · 20/04/2020 18:00

Just to say please make sure you stay safe. Like someone else says, is there anyone you can tell at all in RL - Even if you don't go into details, just check in with them from time to time.

Look after yourself x

Dita73 · 20/04/2020 18:04

Get all his stuff,put it in a pile outside and put the phone on the very top. He’s an absolute git

Original poster
Sandpaperkisses357 · 20/04/2020 18:08

That I would do @LennyPugGoat but it's just her number so he hasn't saved it as anything 😕

To me we were a happy family, and he would have more kids if he had his way,
Just last night he was talking of 'our' plans for the future 🤨 so I think he wants to have his cake and eat it too..

That's him just back and so far no mention of it..shock,not!
I'm thinking to confront him tonight, if not then I don't know.

OP posts: