Found husbands secret phone

[Sandpaperkisses357]

I have, a few days ago, found a phone I never knew my husband had..(I never usually would go through his phone but I just got a horrible feeling)and on it are texts from one of his female friends, one of which was asking him to send her money, 100 or 150 if possible as things are hard for her and family can't help.. next msg, her asking again and saying she will pay back the 1000?! He already sent last month When she gets bk on her feet WTF?! Another msg, burn after u read this ..
I am fuming to say the least .. how do I approach this ..
That money could have gone on the family, maybe for a holiday, which we've had one of in our 10 yrs together or get me my driving lessons he keeps putting off as " we can't afford it" but not just on some other woman.
Now I'm questioning our whole lives together and wondering is he having an affair?
We have 5 kids together, and can't just leave so easily..feeling so depressed about it all .. and even harder in the current circumstances too.
Totally heartbroken

If I was in your position I'd just pack his bags and tell him to leave. You've found your evidence and the trust is gone. Nothing he could say would make it better

You’re so strong, even if you’re not feeling it right now.

I agree, keep the phone hidden.

I’d bury it in the garden I think, or secrete it in the boiler housing or something

Then if she uses the other number, his main phone... I’d flush that fucker down the toilet.

Op check the car. It's probably there. Where did you find it last time?

OP has found the phone in the car

Let us know what happens op

Thinking of you OP xx

Get him out

Thank you to everyone, getting it all out is making it easier somehow.

Oh op, I feel your pain so so badly, I remember this all too vividly. He will try to gaslight you. He will try to make out like it's nothing, likes it's your fault somehow, like you're "crazy" or it's all in your head etc. Please don't believe him. The fucking shit has been having an affair behind your back. You'll need an sti check.

I ended up (calmly) calling the ow in my case, just to see how their stories tied up together. Don't regret it. He'd spun her a ton of shit, like these men always do. Don't let him spin you lies too. Snap shot every message, drafts et al. Fucking cheating arsehole.

I'd make sure it was switched off and then hide it. Probably in a pocket in a garment in my wardrobe, or my friend used a Tampax box to hide things which I thought was a great idea.
What is he going to say to you - "have you seen a phone somewhere"?
Stay strong OP, he's an arsehole.

OP , I can so relate to you.I found a secret phone too. But I found it because he was actually using it ! To text a man ! Grabbed it , locked myself in and scrolled through .Christ- details of a long distance EA that ended , dating sites , gay sites , conversations. A complete fuckfest . Kept it for solicitors, but in therapy advised to chuck it as it was torture for me .
So yes , then despite any protestations on his part. I knew for a fact that he had
Got a phone
Registered it
Downloaded apps
Regularly topped up credit
And yeah , hid it in his car.
So , cold , calculated, continual deceit . It is a deal breaker isn't it.?
Still working out my plans to divorce.
Please don't let him make any excuses. But do what YOU want to do, get your plans in place .So very sorry this has happened to yet another decent woman

When you do talk to him, you could record it 🤷🏻‍♀️ I know people will say that batshit but this guy is scum.

It’s best to have the full confession on tape, I would also kick him out until further notice.

If you don’t plan on talking to him about this until the lockdown is over , keep that phone with YOU at all times.

Don’t put it away because he may find it and delete further evidence that may help you.

Get notes of everything

I've been following your post OP and I'm sorry to see the progress.
My exH did something similar, he denied it all even when we were divorcing and he moved in with OW. So I know how your heart must be breaking.

Did you keep hold of the phone OP?

Bless you 😭 I have no advice, just want you to know you're doing amazingly and the whole MN are behind you ❤️

I appreciate all of your kindness everyone, thank you so much!
Yes I've kept the phone. I'm pretty sure he will try making me think it's all in my head and she's just a friend but I know that's not the case.
It's all the cold, sneakiness of it all that makes me feel sick.. and wondering how long has it been going on, if it was happening when I pregnant too? I can't understand how he could do this, to fuck up our whole family..

If you need to get rid of it OP, if he tries to make you give it back you could post it to yourself ℅ a friend or family address or tell him you have

I'd text her or call her.

Has he been out to the car at all today

I'm wondering why he's given/lent her money. Is she blackmailing him? Is he being taken for a ride by a con artist?
Sadly, it still means he's been deceitful and his messages show he's emotionally involved.
Where is she now?? Not that it makes it much better but I do wonder if he's being played as a cash cow by her.

If he denies anything, I would produce the phone and say let's call her then. Then dial her number and talk to her in front of him.

I mean, my strategy would be to get her number off the phone incase you need it in the future.
Then when he's at his breaking point I would ring the secret phone infront if him and say 'oh, what's this?'

Glad you found the phone, now watch him sweat

Definitely hide the phone and watch him sweat for a while!!

He is going to start going mad when he can't find it. Make sure you are safe.

He's just off out now as we need some food shopping, I saw him search around the car for a bit then he drove off..
I'm thinking if I should contact her or not? And when can I too? Kids always with me and not sure I could keep calm if talking to her.
I know its 'd'hs wrong doing and I'm fuming with him but she obviously knows we have kids (when we bumped into her with 4 of the kids and me heavily pregnant) so I do feel anger towards her too, I couldn't imagine doing what she has done..