Plated meals or family-style?

[JungleGiraffe]

I grew up with meals being plated in the kitchen by whoever cooked and then brought out to the table. DH grew up in the Netherlands and always did "family-style" where serving dishes are brought out to the table and everyone helps themselves.

AIBU to think family-style is stupid? It causes food waste because you have to make extra because can't predict how much people will take. & it causes over-eating because people keep eating until they're stuffed rather than until their plate is empty. & it wastes time because you need to carry more to the dining room and back (sometimes when we have breakfast at the in-laws there'll be 30 different things on the table!)

Is there a different way of saying “plate up” PLEASE!!!

I don’t know why, but it makes me want to vomit.

So does the word “portion” and the phrases - “we are eating our meal” or “let’s go out for a meeeal.”

(they are all green due to the vom factor)

These threads always make me laugh. Why are people so bothered about their way being the “right” way?

Surely both ways have pros and cons depending on the meal, the people eating it and your dining table set up.

Maybe I just think that because we do a mixture of both, but I can’t imagine feeling strongly enough about it to care what anyone else does.

At home, for my family, I plate up. BUT I hate it when others plate up for me because 99% of the time they put too much food on my plate and I then have the problem of whether to force myself to overeat or risk offending someone by leaving food on my plate.

gingersausage - two reasons really. Firstly mil only makes a certain amount of food and there is no option to ask for any extra. Secondly, I would feel awkward and rude asking for more.

I am so shocked at the number of people who regularly do family style! Only because of the washing up aspect...

I do have a dishwasher, so that is not an issue

I plate up most days, but I do ask how hungry people are and I know preferences. Salads, garlic bread, cut up raw veggies generally go in the middle of the table if we have those.

We plate up because DH and DS fight about how much the other one has taken - too stressful 😕

Helping themselves to fruit really isn’t a sensible way to deal with hunger, since that’s just basically filling their bellies with sugar with not much benefit. You’d be much better off cooking more of the protein and esp veg and letting them have seconds of that, tbh.

And no, I don’t think family-style serving automatically causes obesity, or waste. 🙄

If we’re cooking for me and my DH only, we’ll often cook just about what we think we’ll want. Other times we’ll cook extra so we can have an easy, delicious meal with leftovers. When friends or family are with us, we definitely like to have more than enough — We’re not stingy with food, as I detest that nasty, miserly, controlling and mean-spirited thing some people do with food. If we end up with extra it all gets used at another meal. And amazingly, we don’t all automatically stuff our faces just because there happens to be more food available!

We generally plate up, unless it’s a sharing meal like Middle Eastern mezze or similar. Or a special occasion like Christmas or Easter.

I don't mind food being help yourself at the table as long as everyone uses the serving spoons provided. But there's always someone who just sticks their used fork in.

Always family style. Really struggle with someone else deciding how much goes on to my plate.

*@BlingLoving I need to know that you took your lovely serving dish back from your thieving cheeky sister!!

The problem with family style is that some people take too much of one thing and there is not enough left for others

But if you're doing this with your family that you eat with most days - don't you teach them (DCs) that they need to be aware of how much there is and that it has to be shared fairly?

We do a mixture depending on what we are eating. As someone has mentioned, I found it really helpful when my DCs were small and went through fussy phases.

What are "guests"? I've forgotten.

Depends on the size of the portion. Some people will overeat because they will keep going until their plate it clear, others ((probably thinner people) will be happy to leave what they don't have room for on their plate.

but that's the thing, my kids are taught to finish their plate and that it's rude to leave food. It only works because hey are in charge of the portion in the first place.

Before someone jumps about over-eating, the point is to serve yourself with a SMALL portion, and have seconds if you are still hungry. Not piling up your plate and making yourself sick because your parents force you to eat...

Plating up is infantalising adults - and children above babyhood. We might put a single portion main item like a fish or a steak on plates, but everything else is taken as required from the dishes on the table.

How does it waste food ? Presumably the cook/plater has prepared and cooked what they judge to be the right amount for the family - just as they would for if it is going to be served correctly ie from dishes on the table.

My SIL always plates up and it leads to a lot of waste as she serves enormous portions that DH and I can’t finish and often includes things one or other of us dislikes. I remember with particular horror a breakfast that included both porridge and yoghurt. Both perfectly acceptable breakfast foods but not ones DH or I would ever choose. I’ll eat as much as I can for ‘manners’ because she is lovely and I would never want to offend her but there is a limit to how much unwanted food I can manage.

The phrase "plate up" makes me feel quite ill

FFS, get over yourself.

We do a mix depending on what we're having. I think plated up is okay as long as you aren't dictating portion size. MIL always gives women tiny portions so my DH has to visibly slide some of his onto my plate. I am 6ft 2, taller than him and I cannot manage with a quarter of an omelette, half a baked potato and two slices of tomato as she gave me one day. It actually puts me off staying there tbh.

For us it depends on the dish - if there is one item per person or something we’ll plate up, but often do family style.

I have to agree that it encourages over eating - my DH and dad both are basically unable to stop eating a particularly tasty dish if it’s in front of them. I literally often have to ask “should I take that away?” and they nod sheepishly and are grateful when I move it away to the kitchen. So probably it’s better overall to plate up, upon reflection.

If you went to a restaurant you wouldn't expect to have to plate your own meal,

Well it depends on the restaurant. Dc and i mostly eat at tapas or meze restaurants or places we have sharing platters. OP you say dp forgets about leftovers but nothing is stopping you using them. Often in the week I will plate up and usually serve a modest portion but dc can go back and help themselves as many times as they like. This is what I encourage, to take a smaller amount then go back for more if still hungry to avoid waste as any untouched food can always be reused. I tend to cook extra for lunches etc anyway. They rarely take more than they can eat

It depends on the meal. I’d say we probably end up with 4 meals out of 7 ‘family style’.

I grew up in a plated meal household.
DH grew up in a ‘serve yourself’.

Mine was a very working class upbringing, we didn’t have enough dishes to do ‘family style’ (money and storage space issue), it would’ve been cooking pots on the table.

DH’s upbringing was more LMC

Many countries around the world opt for family style and do not have an issue with obesity.

My family are from the Mediterranean and we do family style- and we don't have an issue with over eating. There is no waste, because they are leftovers for the next day. The main meal, if it is a cut of meat often gets carved in front of the family and served in suitable portions, the rest of the family can choose what they want from the sides and how much. These sides are usually vegetable dishes so again, no real cause for concern.

I do remember a friend who plated up for us for the argument of portion control, only for her to drink a glass or two of wine with the meal, then serve dense pudding with heavy cream for afters. Then tea and biscuits later on? Never made sense to me

As with most things, different situations apply in different circumstances.

I grew up with 'plating' by my mum. I also experienced 'family style' at my grandparents.

Myself? I've generally 'plated up' in the kitchen for the family who live in this house, but I know how much everyone would like and do accordingly. So far, no one has complained (and I have what could be called 'a good appetite', and don't want people to go hungry - but I also run several times a week, and everyone else in the house is very active - no one here is overweight on this system!)

However, if we have guests (parents, friends etc.) I do 'family style' on the table because I can't predict outside of the immediate family, but neither do I go overboard on amounts either. And yes, I will recycle/freeze leftovers.

There's a place for both, and neither need to mean over-eating/feeding or under-eating/feeding.

Prefer plated up. With serving dishes I always take a bit less than I’d like because I ‘m worried about looking greedy.