Plated meals or family-style?

[JungleGiraffe]

I grew up with meals being plated in the kitchen by whoever cooked and then brought out to the table. DH grew up in the Netherlands and always did "family-style" where serving dishes are brought out to the table and everyone helps themselves.

AIBU to think family-style is stupid? It causes food waste because you have to make extra because can't predict how much people will take. & it causes over-eating because people keep eating until they're stuffed rather than until their plate is empty. & it wastes time because you need to carry more to the dining room and back (sometimes when we have breakfast at the in-laws there'll be 30 different things on the table!)

Always family style. I dislike plated portions, my family can decide what they wish to eat and how much of it. Leftovers go in the fridge and do get eaten. None of us have a weight issue because of it, nor do we stuff ourselves senseless, I find the concept odd.

I’d guess if you have people who can’t control themselves round food as you describe op, stuffing themselves,then plating up is the way to go, if not, then children learning to self portion and share is a huge benefit of family style.

I also have no desire to control what my family eats, and how much of it, there are no young kids here who need help with that.

I simply can’t imagine plating up for guests either. They can do that as per their appetite.

Depends on the meal and the day. Quick meal after work and things that are preportioned I serve on plates but if we have guests, or are serving things that lend themselves to family style I do that eg stew, curry - but I put the cooking pots on the table if it's just us!

Actually to be fair, I’m not thinking of over eating, but more of excess food being taken and then a lot of it being thrown away.

Why would there be any waste?
Serving people food they're not going to eat would waste more in the house

Isn't "family style just a posh term for buffet though?

I tend to plate up meals for myself, my husband and my 3 children, but wouldnt do that for other guests as I'd rather them choose what and how much they have. When we go to the inlaws my mil always plates up for me and I always leave feeling hungry so in that respect I hate it!

I think it depends on the the generosity of the cook. My parents always plated up but gave enough food. ILs always do family style but not enough so I only take one potato cos I can see there isn’t enough for everyone if I have more.

We don't serve in cooking dishes except for lasagne or similar, our large frying pan which we use for all sorts of meals is too big for the table, our saucepans are a bit deep to serve yourself from sitting down and all the handles get in the way. When it's just the four of us we use pasta bowls and cereal bowls as serving dishes, we have a dishwasher but washing a few extra plus serving spoons by hand is very quick too.

I have to say, the thought of putting the pans and tins on the table turns my stomach. I’ve never come across that thank god.

Another thing I think is weird is that people don’t either know their families likes and dislikes or ask when they are plating up what people want. I usually plate up in the week, but I wouldn’t put stuff on people’s plates that they don’t like.

I mainly just put everything on the table and everyone helps themselves. I can't actually remember the last time I plated up as mine are 14-19 and especially now, I don't want any wasted food. Dh sometimes plates up and I wish he wouldn't.

I plate up because if I didn't, DP would inhale a huge amount of food (several meals worth!)

The idea of there being more waste from putting dishes on the table is because many would cook more food if people were helping themselves. Otherwise it relies on 5 people taking exactly the right amount for there to be food left for the 6th person.

I put on plates (unless it's Sunday dinner or Xmas or anything like that) but there's always a bit extra and anyone can get up and get more if they want. I don't like extra washing up so I couldn't be arsed getting out serving dishes every day.
I don't think it warrants a row whichever way you do it!

Depends what it is. Something like a roast I tend to use serving dishes. I cook a little extra anyway and have leftovers the next day. Other meals are easier to plate up myself.

@Slave2love see, that’s what baffles me. Why don’t you just tell your MIL that you want more food? 🤷‍♀️

I don't have to try to be cheffy..

We serve up most food in our house unless its sharing food like pizza nachos etc we dont tend to have anything left for seconds but we do have pudding after. My dc are young though nearly 1 and 4. Dh and I have always eaten this way

I “plate up”. I know pretty much what the appetites of my family are like given I’ve been living with them and cooking for them for years

I serve it up but love family style for what my DC think are 'fun' foods (fajitas, tacos etc)

If it’s a meal in front of the tv we plate up. If we are eating at the table it’s serving dishes. It doesn’t lead to waste because I will normally deliberately cook more than we need for that meal to allow for enough left overs for lunches over the next day or two. On the rare occasions there aren’t leftovers I don’t attribute that to greed but as a compliment to my cooking.

My DD is a recovering anorexic and plating up can make her anxious as she can’t control what is on her plate. If she can help herself to small amounts at first she is relaxed and likely to then help herself to another helping as we sit around the table chatting. It takes a lot of potential angst out of mealtimes.

I prefer to call it service à la française and service à la russe and then swan about in a gown demanding my husband order the tureens appropriately.

I have to say, the thought of putting the pans and tins on the table turns my stomach. I’ve never come across that thank god. ??? Obviously you keep most of it in the kitchen/on the sideboard/a nearby surface etc. Put sauces/salad/bread on the table.

I suppose a lot of people are never taught this sort of thing, so they just see Come Dine With Me and think that's normal? Or learn how to eat from eating at fast food restaurants?

@gingersausage I know your comment wasn’t meant for me but be,ieve me I have! It’s met with a sharp sniff of derision and a reassurance that there’s plenty! She also wants everyone to “ leave room “ for pudding even though we don’t want pudding!

Should add i dont plate up for guests

It depends on the food and the company.

But we purposely bought a kitchen table that was wide enough to accommodate lots of serving dished down the middle, though often we help ourselves from cooking dishes and pans on heatproof mats. We have a dishwasher so washing up not an issue.

If I do plate up for whatever reason, (lunch today was homemade soup I quickly ladled out before calling everyone, bread, butter, cheeses on the table to help yourself) then I normally leave plenty in the pot as DH and DS1 eat twice as much as the rest of us.

If we do family style I always used to nudge the kids to take veg and salad, but they are older now and just do it automatically. We don’t have food waste: today’s soup incorporated a couple of potatoes and some chicken left over from last night.

I do think you can tell the kids who don’t eat family style at home because they are the ones overloading their plates at a buffet. My lot never did that having learned at home how much they could eat and also that you should only take your share.