Plated meals or family-style?

[JungleGiraffe]

I grew up with meals being plated in the kitchen by whoever cooked and then brought out to the table. DH grew up in the Netherlands and always did "family-style" where serving dishes are brought out to the table and everyone helps themselves.

AIBU to think family-style is stupid? It causes food waste because you have to make extra because can't predict how much people will take. & it causes over-eating because people keep eating until they're stuffed rather than until their plate is empty. & it wastes time because you need to carry more to the dining room and back (sometimes when we have breakfast at the in-laws there'll be 30 different things on the table!)

@Slave2love I’m not getting at you (honest😁) but I just find it bizarre that you think it’s rude to ask your MIL for more food. I mean you’re married to her son, and it’s his childhood home. It should be welcoming and relaxed.

@rvby lots of people have said they put the pans on the table. Obviously you didn’t read those posts. And yes, I have been taught “this sort of thing” thanks. I can even hold a knife and fork properly. 🙄

The phrase "plate up" makes me feel quite ill

What the fuck?

I always PLATE UP when it's just me do and the kids. Why would I use more dishes than needed? I don't have a dishwasher.

Family style wouldn't work in our household where greedy, slightly overweight husband would take more than what he needs and not leave enough for skinny, growing teenage son who would quite happily eat the bare minimum to take the edge of his hunger and get back to something more interesting (and then fill up on junk later!).

I know very well what portion sizes work for the 4 of us and noone has to finish their plates and as I usually cook more than needed to freeze it, there is often more if anyone is still hungry (or they can have something else).

If we had guests I would get them to help themselves.

Oh don’t be ridiculous with infantilising people with plated portions! Utterly stupid.

We ask my daughters, for example, how much do you want, two slices of pork or one, what about potatoes? Are you very hungry or not so much? Same with veg - if they want more of one side and less of the other, they’ll say so, and we’ll serve accordingly. If my DH is serving he’ll ask me and vice versa. No one is infantilised by that.

Totally depends on the food.

Pasta, stew, risotto, curry - big bowl in the middle & help yourself, same with salad, sides etc.

Fish fingers and waffles - straight out of the oven onto the plate. I might put the peas in a bowl mind you.

The only time I care one way or the other is if dh has decanted from the pot into too small a serving dish and then AGAIN into a larger one. But that's a not-having-a-dishwasher gripe.

I hate plated meals especially when somebody has put my meal on the plate for me. The worst was my ex mother-in-law who was actually a very nice person but a terrible cook. I used to get plates full of cold brisket of beef covered in hot greasy gravy with undercooked boiled potatoes and cauliflower which has been chopped up with all its leaves and boiled for about an hour until it was a sloppy green mush. The kids got the same and we all hated it. The choice was to leave it which was wasteful and rude - or to struggle through it and throw up later. If you put dishes on the table people just take what they want and less is wasted. It gives the grandchildren the chance to try a mouthful of something new and they can have more if they like it. Anything that is left over can be made into something else the day after... No wastage in this house! Having said that... When it's just OH and me we plate, but we only cook what we want and put what we want on our plates.

i do both - depends on the dish. not so much at the moment because of the 15 minute cool down required by DS but will resume once he's old enough not to stuff it no matter how many times i tell him to be cautious.

I've always done and been served plates unless it was a big family meal around my grandma's or at christmas.

And yes, I've just realised both 'plate up' and 'portion' really set my teeth on edge. Weird.

My dh is from the ME and they serve food 'family style'. Several dishes are available eg at least two kinds of meat dish, vegetable side dishes, salad and rice. My dh's family will just sit and eat and eat. They are all overweight and every time we visit my dcs gain weight. I hate my ILs visiting because I have to feed them like that. I think 'plating up' is better for portion control.

We ask my daughters

Sounds a bit of a rigmarole, wouldn’t it just be easier to let everyone help themselves than they all have to take it in turns to say how much they want of something?

Can I ask why would one need to ask members of their family how hungry they are? Wouldn't they just know? when they sit at the table see the food? and serve themselves accordingly?

Perhaps it is a meal dependant thing then.

I think family style is more formal. I would do it for a party or special gathering with guests but not for a normal meal.

We always serve food in dishes at the table. Or say we’re having a side of salmon, dh will put a slice on each plate and the side dishes in bowls.

I find the idea of putting everything on a plate for others really odd. Unless they’re babies.

If my dh decided how much I was going to eat, there would be at least half of it left uneaten. He’s a feeder.

We always served ourselves. Now with just me and DH we plate up but that's because we know what each other wants. I wouldn't plate up for anyone else, my MIL does it and I find it really annoying. At home we have the same portion size but at MIL's she always gives DH and BIL about twice as much, and all the good stuff too!

I can’t believe the number of people here saying that plating up is disgusting/infantilising - do some PPs never go to restaurants? Or if you do, perhaps you only go to buffets rather than La Gavroche...

At least the majority of posters are sensible and have a mixture depending on context, meal etc - which, before this thread, is what I assumed everyone did!

I think plating up potentially causes more food waste, because people might not want as much as there is on their plate. Whereas if they serve themselves, the unused food can be used as leftovers (which is pretty much always done in our house - I hate food waste too).

It varies in our house according to what we're eating, but I like 'family style' better.
Imo giving children a little bit of control over what and how much they put on their plate is actually a good thing. It helps them learn about their own appetite and can be a useful tool in combatting fussy eating.

And ‘plate up’ is an irritating phrase. Sounds like you’re in a greasy spoon.

We always have plated and a grew up where my mum only made family style if it was Christmas or some special holiday and we had company.

It would just unfortunately not work work for us and I think especially once we have kids I would insist on plated so I can make sure that they all had had a large enough portion of veg etc

Because I’ve just said that we ordinarily plate up and bring to the table, and only serve family-style if it’s something like mezze, or on special occasions. When my daughters are visiting everyone is busy chilling, gaming, watching films and/or chatting, and they’re happy to just be asked and served and that way they can continue chilling. If they want more they can take more after. Conversely, if they don’t want it all, they’re free to leave some uneaten.

It’s not a rigamarole at all. Why does it bother you how we choose to do our mealtimes?

do some PPs never go to restaurants?

But they don’t put all of your order on the plate in a restaurant? The sides all come in dishes.

do some PPs never go to restaurants?

well we do actually, so I don't need to replicate a business and catering model in my home. That's why we don't fold the toilet tissue either, my spare room is not a hotel either.

That, and the fact that as a client I don't have to finish a plate that has to be designed to please the bigger eater. In my home, it's rude. And wasteful.

At least the majority of posters are sensible and have a mixture depending on context, meal etc - which, before this thread, is what I assumed everyone did!

Why would you assume that? How hard to understand that every family have their own preference, and don't have to follow your own rules?

I think it’s hilarious the way so many people freak out at the idea that other households might actually do things differently than their way to the point that they have to start making up ridiculous shit about how damaging it is. Like the way some people refuse to believe that many, many people eat later in the evening. Because they and their circle all eat at six, it must therefore follow that everyone else in the world does that too.

Luckily I’ve experienced many cultures, many households, and many different customs and conventions.

I’d hate anyone to put food on my plate for me.

I’ve never heard the term family style either.

We cook and put everything on the table for people to help themselves. If we’re having fish though I’d put a piece of fish on each person’s plate. If roast then it’s carved and everyone helps themselves.

We usually have 2/3 types of vegetable, maybe potatoes or rice, so at least 3 serving dishes per meal. It’s fine, we have a dishwasher.