Plated meals or family-style?

[JungleGiraffe]

I grew up with meals being plated in the kitchen by whoever cooked and then brought out to the table. DH grew up in the Netherlands and always did "family-style" where serving dishes are brought out to the table and everyone helps themselves.

AIBU to think family-style is stupid? It causes food waste because you have to make extra because can't predict how much people will take. & it causes over-eating because people keep eating until they're stuffed rather than until their plate is empty. & it wastes time because you need to carry more to the dining room and back (sometimes when we have breakfast at the in-laws there'll be 30 different things on the table!)

For DH and I we do plate up as we both know roughly how much we want.

For big groups I do

I think you waste more food on plates as you cant scrape food off that someone hasn't eaten as leftovers.
Why not?

Please tell me you don't own a restaurant also offering take-aways!

Arghh posted too soon.

For big groups I do family style.

@OneandTwenty even if you leave out carbs there is plenty of kids that would rather plate their plates with meat rather then veg

why not?

Remind me never to eat at your house

To me, "family-style" means serving a plated meal dished up by a parent who knows what everyone will eat.

Helping yourself from large dishes is communal eating that I don't think many English families do.

Plated here, according to appetite and preferences. Theres rarely any waste, the food is served hot rather than cooling as people faff with serving up and its quicker to clear afterwards.

I hate having my food plated for me.

I'd be horrified as an adult to have someone decide how much food I was going to eat. I want to eat what I want to eat.
It was different when I had a houseful of children, I put the food onto their plates knowing their various likes and dislikes and who was a picky eater and who ate loads.
Do adults really put food on plates for other adults? ( apart from spouses I guess )

I don't think many English families do

I think if you read the thread you’d see most families do it, 🤣

I was brought up with food being in the middle of the table and you help yourself

My partner was brought up with everything being plated for you, even gravy on. I can’t express how much irrational rage it incites. I plate up my own food when it’s just the two of us, but if MIL cooks etc she will present you with a plate of food that’s either way too much or too little and has stuff on you would prefer not to have, so you look wasteful

@handbagsatdawn33 family style is a parent plating food up with what they want the kids to eat, in my opinion. Even adult kids. It drives me bonkers.

@Chillicheese123 depending on age kids do need to be told what to eat

@lovepickledlimes I agree and I do it to an extent but forcing kids to eat things they don’t like just creates battles and problems with food. I’d rather my dd took a piece of say, asparagus, on her own impulse after I put it on a platter of veg in the middle of the table a few times and encouraged her, then tried it and decided she liked it, than putting it on her plate, touching all over stuff she did like, and not letting her eat her chicken until she ate it (like other people have said they do/their parents did). She might realize she likes it, yes, but she will have a negative association with meal time and that particular food. I remember as a kid dreading eating with my grandma because she would just INSIST I ate things, and I found food really stressful around her.

@Chillicheese123 I can see your point lol I do still eat my veg first even as an adult because part of me still sees the food other then the veg as my reward for eating my veg I think 🤣😂🤣

Plated up and theres usually extra if people want. Family style for guests. We dont have separate dining room or a large kitchen diner and frankly I cant be arsed. And yes I grew up poor.

Not everyone has a lovely farmhouse kitchen, oodles of time and unlimited quantities of food.

NB. Cant be arsed with leftovers either.

@lovepickledlimes I do it too! It’s engrained !

We have two DC, one with food issues (autism). We decided a long time ago that putting the food out on the table and just gently encouraging the DCs to try things was the way to go, no battles, no insisting they try things or eat bigger portions of things they weren't keen on. The top priority was having them enjoy their meals and being at the table. It was one of our best parenting decisions. There are still many things now teen DC1 won't eat but he has a balanced and varied diet, loves shopping for food and cooking it and is very clued up on healthy eating.

Do you all have massive tables? If I put all the serving dishes on the table we’d have the plates on our laps and it’s a decent 6 seater dining table.

No, we have a smallish 4 seater table for two adults and two teens. We use small serving dishes.

I never realised plating up was a thing.
We do it quite casually for every day with pans on the table to keep things hot (tonight - sizzling fried fish, rice and salad). I Cant stand tall pans on the table though And salad goes in a bowl. We serve and help each other. It's quite sociable. The idea of plating up is a huge faff. We dont have space in the kitchen to lay out plates... and its very controlling.

Plated up because otherwise I suspect DD would take massive portions of carbs and leave the veg, whereas she'll quite happily eat it from her plate. Also uses fewer dishes.

I really hate the term 'family style' though! Isn't it just 'serve yourself' or 'served in dishes'?

Also DH's family always serve themselves and they all massively overeat, partly because there is always a 'oh we can't leave anything' theme. DH has absolutely no awareness of what a normal sized portion is as a result (he readily admits this himself).

Disclaimer - I’ve only read page 1 and 14
We rarely ate as a family and only used serving dishes when entertaining guests prior to lockdown.
Now we are eating together (4 adults) but still not using serving dishes, each person just plates up their own meal in the kitchen. What we cook is determined before we start and the amount is usually spot on unless we deliberately cook extra for freezer meals.
My PIL are dishes on the table people, but they faff about for so long it goes cold, plus the quantities are usually out.
My family are plated up people, although if we all gather together we will have some food in bowls on the table or we go buffet style as it is easier than passing the bowls.
For those of you that hate control and plating up, last Christmas for 5 families the mother plated the meals for their partner and D.C. and took them to the table!

With help-yourself style meals, people do realise that you don't just give young children free rein to do whatever they want? You teach them not to take all the roast potatoes and you still have rules about having to eat vegetables and so on. And usually someone will serve out the main dish, though you might ask how much people want.