Plated meals or family-style?

[JungleGiraffe]

I grew up with meals being plated in the kitchen by whoever cooked and then brought out to the table. DH grew up in the Netherlands and always did "family-style" where serving dishes are brought out to the table and everyone helps themselves.

AIBU to think family-style is stupid? It causes food waste because you have to make extra because can't predict how much people will take. & it causes over-eating because people keep eating until they're stuffed rather than until their plate is empty. & it wastes time because you need to carry more to the dining room and back (sometimes when we have breakfast at the in-laws there'll be 30 different things on the table!)

@OneandTwenty so a table of only vegetables and no carb or protein at the side?

My DM always plated up too. We had to eat all too. None of us are overweight as DM didn’t overfill our plates. We also never had snacks and played out so we’re hungry for meals.

@TinklyLittleLaugh I have to say from what I know from some kids you are really lucky there it's not always that easy

And we played out so we were hungry at mealtimes.

When it’s just me and dh, I plate it, because we usually have trays on laps. He’ll often help himself to seconds, if there’s any left.,

If anybody else is eating with us, dishes always go on the table. I hate being plated up for - how does anyone else know how much I want of this or that? If anyone gives me too much of anything it’s going to be wasted and I hate food waste even more.
Any leftovers from dishes on the table will always be used up in this house.

I grew up with the everything on the table method (UK, big family and mostly traditional meat & two veg type foods, then a home made pudding). Rarely had any leftovers apart from Sunday roast, which would be Monday’s dinner. For my own meals, I'm more likely to plate in the kitchen, but it’s just two of us, and the food isn’t as traditional and more suited to plating in the kitchen. Will sometimes have things at the table, or at least some elements. If there are leftovers, I’ll do something with them the next day for lunch. If we have guests over to eat, then it would be 50/50 that I’d plate in the kitchen or everything/some things on the table, depending what I’ve cooked.

@OneandTwenty you’re talking as if carbs (as long as they’re not too processed) and protein are unhealthy. They’re not at all. For a child it is perfectly fine to have those, and also whatever veg they want to try and/or like to eat. Are you sure you understand about a balanced diet?

@singlepringle we do the same, each have our own napkin ring etc. That's how I grew up. What else would you do, kitchen roll? Wipe your mouth on your sleeve? Gross!

I hate plating up, we just help ourselves by the stove (not much space). As you say then you can decide what you want. No DC yet but I grew up helping myself.

To commenters talking about what if one person grabs all of something and then there isnt enough for everyone else... how do you think we learn manners?

Helping yourself teaches you not to be greedy, to understand what you like and what you need, to think for yourself about portion control, to share, and a lot of the politics of "no you first", "let me help you to such abd such", etc. It definitely saves waste. And it's way easier for whoever is cooking.

Oh and completely agree about bringing the pots you cooked in to the table unless it actually is christmas. Just get a couple of heatproof mats. Not v hard.

For a child it is perfectly fine to have those, and also whatever veg they want to try and/or like to eat. Are you sure you understand about a balanced diet?

Are you sure you understand that for some children "whatever veg they want to try" would be none?

@Ninkanink of course carbs and protein are not bad. But I would not call having 4 yorkshire puddings, 7 poato roasties, and 2 slices of chicken healthy and balanced if it is only accompanied by one spoon full of peas, and one carrot baton

love. Yes we are lucky; my nephew with autism will eat about five different beige things. It’s very tough for my sister.

We just ignored the picky phases, and tried to make sure there was always some veg or salad on the table they liked. When DD2 was small she went through a phase of only eating the meat or fish on her plate and then lots of fruit. This went on for months. (Very stubborn child). Interestingly I remember at her reception year Christmas nativity, most of the kids were looking a bit run down and midwintery and she was absolutely luminous with good health, it was quite remarkable.

Yes...

And then you just keep trying, and offering, and if they happen upon one thing that they will eat, offer it often enough. You don’t make a battle out of it, because you will likely create huge issues with food and eating.

I’m a trained child care professional with a specialty in early years. If you haven’t looked up child psychologists or experts in child development and their general approach to children who are resistant to food/veg, maybe you should.

Dieticians generally agree, too, (unless they happen so suffer with orthorexia or otherwise unhealthy attitudes to food) that it’s best not to force children to eat vegetables. Offer it, and relax. Generally children who eat even a basic range of foods will be perfectly healthy.

‘Nutritionists’ or SM ‘experts’ don’t count.

Growing up dm put the food out on our plates in the kitchen, usually asking how hungry we were as she did it, except for Christmas roast dinner / birthdays/ special meals. DF was incapable of taking a reasonable portion if it was all on the table, and ate really fast so there'd be an argument when he started on seconds without leaving enough for everyone else to have the same. With guests it was out on the table. Salads and condiments etc were also always in a bowl on the table, and I get annoyed if that's plated up, because they have limited acceptable locations on the plate. I hate people plating up when I go to other people's houses, because they always give me too much meat and not enough veg, but I also find "family style" where the guest is first awkward, because I can't judge what an acceptable serving size would be in that family and anyway I usually spill it everywhere. When I'm cooking with friends we sort out serving sizes when we start, and I know general appetites e.g. A will want about twice as much pasta as me, but B will have much less.

I plate up as it's just 2 adults here. When we have visitors we do family style. My mother used to then plate up the food on the table as apparently it's rude to do family style.

@TinklyLittleLaugh I guess thinking back we did have family style if it was a chinese meal my mum made. On thing she did do is serve my veg or salad in a seperate bowl and instructed me not to eat anything else until that I had finished my veg. I still eat my veg first every time as it kind of is a stuck habit now

For family, we serve straight onto the plates.
Much quicker, and less washing up and less chance for the food to go cold. Plus the kitchen table doesn't have that much space when 5 people are eating.
If we had guests then the veg and carbs would all be in serving dishes in the middle of the table, but there's no need for that on a daily basis, eating your tea together as a family.

And yes, we probably had lots of phases of a spoonful of peas and one carrot baton (they wouldnt have got four Yorkshire’s though) but it all works out in the end.

I reckon by 12 or so they stop being picky.

DH and I usually do the cooking together, so we plate up as much as we want in the kitchen then take it to the table (and portion up for DS too). Unless it’s a roast, in which case, we serve at the table from dishes. But I always always allow guests to serve themselves at the table, because I hate it when people do this to me as they invariably serve me too much, and I may my guests to have as much or as little as they fancy. MIL used to plate up when I first met PIL but now allows people to serve themselves, which I think is because that’s how we do it when they stay with us.

Depends what we're eating! More often than not I'll plate up, but if we're having something like pizza, salad, fajitas, tacos etc then we'll lay it out on the table

Plated meals seem much more wasteful to me. You put things on my plate that I don't want, or more than I can eat. But then they aren't available to others who might like a larger portion. And if everyone eats less than anticipated, there are leftovers for the next day. But leftovers scraped from people's plates are grim.

I come from a big family and honestly can’t really remember having played meals ever.
Family style all the way

I think you waste more food on plates as you cant scrape food off that someone hasn't eaten as leftovers.
Why not?

Always interesting to read different ways individual families do things. Would never enter my head to plate up any meal. We’re just use to serving bowls/platters on the table whether it be the kitchen table or in the dining room.

When DT’s were little I liked them learning how to make choices and serve themselves. They learnt about considering everyone else and not taking too much onto their plate. They could always have seconds if they were hungry. If there were leftovers they made a lunch for me or DH to take to work or became the start of a casserole or soup.

It takes a couple of minutes to put the food in the serving dishes and put them on the table. It’s no trouble or extra work putting everything into the dishwasher after the meal.

I prefer family style but will some times plate up depending what we are having. I find family style encourages the kids to try different things as they are controlling how much the have of it.

If we have guests I always do family style as I'd hate to assume how much my friends would eat of my cooking

lovepickledlimes
you do know it's absolutely fine not to have carbs at every single meal? I know the UK is obsessed with stodgy food and carbs, but not everybody is...