Plated meals or family-style?

[JungleGiraffe]

I grew up with meals being plated in the kitchen by whoever cooked and then brought out to the table. DH grew up in the Netherlands and always did "family-style" where serving dishes are brought out to the table and everyone helps themselves.

AIBU to think family-style is stupid? It causes food waste because you have to make extra because can't predict how much people will take. & it causes over-eating because people keep eating until they're stuffed rather than until their plate is empty. & it wastes time because you need to carry more to the dining room and back (sometimes when we have breakfast at the in-laws there'll be 30 different things on the table!)

I don't like people plating up for me. We do family style, all food on table, then I might share out the major item across plates & people help themselves to sides. eg lasagne dish on table, I share out a piece for everyone then they help themselved to salad/garlic bread etc that is also on the table. That way I can ask people if they want a small or large bit and it is there for seconds, if anyone wants. It is how we eat as a family & works for us.

I prefer family style but DP (who does most of the cooking) and PIL do plating up. DP does at least do family style for everyone when we have guests. I hate being at DPILs and they decide how many potatoes etc I need.

I feel like plating food for people not knowing how much they eat is more wasteful or forcing people to overeat as it's on their plate. If you make a big bowl of pasta say, people take what they want and the rest you can put as leftovers without it being contaminated. Sorry op!

@TinklyLittleLaugh how do you make sure they eat enough of the healthy stuff and not just popping one spoon of peas but a much bigger portion of the chips, potatoes or meat etc

@gingersausage I'm sure mil would give me extra if I asked (and if she made more food in general) but i dont like to ask, that's just me . They have always eaten smaller portions than me so I'd feel I would look greedy. Despite being with dh for a long time I dont feel comfortable in his parents house but then I am an introvert who rarely gets close to people. But that's a whole other thread!

Is this quite an English thing? This has only happened if I’ve eaten at English people’s houses. I do find it quite odd that someone else just assumes what I want to eat and how much of it.

Surely it depends what you're making and who you're eating with.

We've got a one pot stew & bread tonight - family style for everyone to help themselves. Leftovers (if any) refrigerated for lunch tomorrow. Mid week egg & chips plated, obviously.

Anything served with a variety of sides / fillings might be mixture of the 2 - protein / jacket potato plated and help yourself to everything else.

And I would never plate for guest, that would go in the middle with an offer to serve.

I “plate” (silly saying) because otherwise my kids wouldn’t eat any vegetables

@Chiyo666 my german side of the family don't do family style either so doubt it is an english thing

'Plating up' and 'plated meal', apart from the sheer ick of the phrases themselves, just seems so depressingly institutional to me; like school dinners or some such...

@lovepickledlimes Tinkly Little Laugh might have a different way of doing it but we just tell them to get more vegetables if we think they don't have enough.

I don't really see the difference with this one, we still can see the children and their plates, they're right there at the table!

@lovepickledlimes I talk about portion sizes with my kids. So we would dicusss what a healthy portion of chips is for an 8yo, and how they can eat as many portions of tomatoes/cucumber etc as they might like, but no 12yo you can't help yourself to 3/4's of the prawns as there are X people here who all like them.

Most of the time they get it spot on.

This way kids learn for themselves about balanced healthy eating, portion sizes for the various food groups, how to share fairly with all at the table etc.

@Outtedagain exactly I don't get how family style would work in this scenario

Love family style! But it's just me and DD at home and we eat different things sometimes so always plate. Enjoy going to stay with family as they always do big family style dinners, I find I eat less as less pressure go eat everything on your plate

What would you call it not plating?

Funnily enough I learnt all about what we are calling "family style" eating from house sharing with many different german students in the 90's. They all did it.

@TheClitterati what is a child dislikes vegetables and would rather be more hungry then eat more veg?

I agree that if your children have eating issues it might well be better to give them control of their own portions and what foods they have to eat or can leave etc - this is a well known approach - but luckily mine never had any problems with eating and they’re both well-rounded happy foodies now with healthy attitudes towards food so yay!

@TheClitterati I think it is more a student thing then maybe or varying from family to family

I nearly always plate up. Fajitas or bbq is different.Serving dishes take up too much space on the table.

Plate style here. Family style makes me fat and probably allows the others to have less food

@lovepickledlimes check out Division of Responsibility - following these simple guidelines changed our lives (especially mine).

www.ellynsatterinstitute.org/how-to-feed/the-division-of-responsibility-in-feeding/

what is a child dislikes vegetables and would rather be more hungry then eat more veg?

if you don't offer them anything else, kids end up eating what there is on the table...

I suppose a lot of people are never taught this sort of thing, so they just see Come Dine With Me and think that's normal? Or learn how to eat from eating at fast food restaurants?

Charming.

And we had to "eat everything on our plate of no pudding" etc, which contributed hugely to my siblings and I all being overeaters.

I’d have thought this was the norm, if you’re too full to finish everything on your plate then you don’t need any pudding?

lovepivkledlimes well the youngest is a teenager now, so they know not to do that.

But I dunno, we eat at the table every mealtime, they’ve had years and years of me wittering on about balanced plates and how good for you veg and salad is, and gently guiding on portion size. I suppose that subliminally it sinks in.

DH and I are quite big on healthy eating and nice food though so I suppose we just model the behaviour. My three grown up ones eat really healthily; DS1 (26) is home for lockdown and eats loads of food (skinny runner) but never touches the biscuits or the baking.