Plated meals or family-style?

[JungleGiraffe]

I grew up with meals being plated in the kitchen by whoever cooked and then brought out to the table. DH grew up in the Netherlands and always did "family-style" where serving dishes are brought out to the table and everyone helps themselves.

AIBU to think family-style is stupid? It causes food waste because you have to make extra because can't predict how much people will take. & it causes over-eating because people keep eating until they're stuffed rather than until their plate is empty. & it wastes time because you need to carry more to the dining room and back (sometimes when we have breakfast at the in-laws there'll be 30 different things on the table!)

Sounds a bit of a rigmarole, wouldn’t it just be easier to let everyone help themselves than they all have to take it in turns to say how much they want of something?

Probably less of a rigmarole than decanting food onto different plates before putting it on the plates it will be eaten off of. Unless you are just sticking the pots on the table, which wouldn't really be safe for young kids if they are still a bit hot. Then presumably, you would need to put it on the plate for them anyway.

@thewordmeister

I don’t really buy that. What restaurants always require sides though? I can’t remember the last time I went to any chain restaurant (Zizzi, Pizza Express, Giggling Squid etc) and NEEDED a side as the portions are large enough for me as it is. OK, maybe a steak restaurant where everything is ordered separately; or a Sunday roast/carvery - but hardly the norm. And definitely not anywhere with a tasting menu...

Anyway; I digress. Just surprising to me how emotive some people are about this.

At home with just 2 of us, always plated and cook specific portions (especially because DP is trying to lose weight).

Also grew up with plated (family of 4). Lots of meals were things like chicken escalopes/sausages with mash, veg/beans so Mum would cook the right number of sausages etc, then portion accordingly.

Now if we go for Sunday dinner there can be 8 of us so it’s always family style. If we waited to plate up 8 meals it would all be cold by the time we made it to the table. Also, some of us are fussy with what veg etc so easier to just pass bowls around and let everyone pick what they like. Feels like a real treat to have meals like this!

*Oh don’t be ridiculous with infantilising people with plated portions! Utterly stupid.

We ask my daughters, for example, how much do you want, two slices of pork or one, what about potatoes? Are you very hungry or not so much? Same with veg - if they want more of one side and less of the other, they’ll say so, and we’ll serve accordingly. If my DH is serving he’ll ask me and vice versa. No one is infantilised by that*

So everyone is hovering around in the kitchen getting their precise orders in to the cook or the cook comes and take notes ?

Sounds like a faff to me.

You do you, as they say.

Oh mind you I should clarify that when friends or family other than my daughters visit, we do generally have food in serving dishes on the table. But that’s not often.

Never had plated food growing up and never do it now. If it's just family I will just put the pots/pans/oven dish on the table and we all help ourselves. Any leftovers gets eaten the next day so we are not wasting any food.

I should clarify that when friends or family other than my daughters visit, we do generally have food in serving dishes on the table.

That's what I find harder to understand, the need to change your regular habits when you have someone around. It makes sense if you are single and suddenly have 10 guests for diner obviously, but adding a few people to a normal family meal doesn't make that much difference, does it?

Family style wherever possible. I've always done it and the DC have never overeaten or had problems with food waste - if you cook often you can estimate portions regardless of how it comes to the table.

For us, day to day, plating is done though I don't like it much. I prefer family style and we do this on occasions like Christmas.

Children will eat more if they are in charge of their portion!

I grew up eating family style.

You have to be ducking anal to ask about it on social media.

“I think it’s hilarious the way so many people freak out at the idea that other households might actually do things differently than their way to the point that they have to start making up ridiculous shit about how damaging it is. Like the way some people refuse to believe that many, many people eat later in the evening. Because they and their circle all eat at six, it must therefore follow that everyone else in the world does that too”

^ agree

I think some people just like an argument

@JellyfishandShells no, I cook more than enough, and people are served however much or little they want. They don’t hover around the kitchen, well my daughter usually does as she likes to cook so we often cook together; otherwise they’re generally chilling on the sofa and armchairs or sitting at the dining table (we live in a small flat with living room/kitchen/diner). So it’s not a faff at all. Plus when you’re used to something it’s generally not a faff, it just gets done quickly. It’d be more of a faff to serve it all into dishes and then have to stack the dishwasher with twice as many dishes (plus we only have a slimline dishwasher which is another consideration).

Children will eat more if they are in charge of their portion!
why? How do you teach them portion control if they never are in charge...

Plating up is all right if you have a big table and a lot of people. Pointless if you are only feeding two or three. It just makes work.

No, I got that wrong, in dishes I meant. lol

I can’t believe the number of people here saying that plating up is disgusting/infantilising - do some PPs never go to restaurants? Or if you do, perhaps you only go to buffets rather than La Gavroche...

I can assure you that Le Gavroche does not do 'penis portions' (my mother, brought up in a household where the children were half-starved so the men could get the most of the food), lick a fork and then use it to shape mounds of mashed potato onto individual plates, occasionally stopping to give it another lick (MiL), give noticeably smaller portions to female guests she thinks need to lose weight (SiL who assumes every woman is on a diet and thinks she's being kind not to 'tempt' them), give everyone impossibly huge portions on their plates even when they've asked her not to, and then sigh when they don't finish (also MIL, who is petrified of 'looking mean').

if you cook often you can estimate portions regardless of how it comes to the table.

But family style, everyone has to estimate portion size, not just the cook

@OneandTwenty with other family and friends I wouldn’t presume to serve up, because I couldn’t trust that they’d feel comfortable saying more/less/leaving some/eating more/asking for seconds etc etc - easy to understand why when you see some of the neurotic behaviour people have around food, never mind the odd ideas people have about being rude/not being rude/being greedy/not being greedy etc etc, plus it is less of a faff to have everyone serve themselves when there’s more people.

With my daughters we don’t have to worry about all that - it’s a very easy, comfortable relationship and everyone can speak what they think without worrying about it.

We do a mix and both grew up with a mix. It depends on the meal and it’s components.

It depends what the meal is.

BUT - God I hate it how everyone has started saying “plate up” “plated” and “plating” all the time. I suppose they think it sounds professional as it’s what they say on Masterchef, etc. But outside of a restaurant kitchen it just sounds really stupid and ...urghh

We don't do the passing around of wishes. No need to wait. Everything is put on the table and people just take from whatever dish isn't being taken from until we all have what we want.

Who knew people could make meals so much more complicated than they need to be.

My MIL does family style but there is never enough to go round and is cold by the time it is gets to the table & goes round everyone. Also, her husband & children grew up with her rationed food & treats and consequently seem to dive in to make sure they get their ‘share’ - I know, I know, but old habits die hard: after putting up with this a few times I had to point it out to DH several times when I subsequently became pregnant & was bf.

I serve what from experience I know the family eats - or according to their advice (‘I’m very/not very hungry’) onto plates but make extra which is put in the middle for seconds/lunch next day.

I agree that children eat more if in charge of their portion. They are also more likely to try new things if they are presented with a range of dishes from which to assemble their plate.

Personally I think that’s a good thing; I always wanted mine to eat plenty of their healthy dinner and not be looking for snacks later.

Yabu to think family style is stupid.

I grew up eating family style

How tragic that you think your way is the only way.

I grew up with Mum plating up our meals. And we had to "eat everything on our plate of no pudding" etc, which contributed hugely to my siblings and I all being overeaters.

Food is wasted if a person eats too much food that they need, even more than if it goes into a bin or compost.

We do family style - its so much better and with 2 fussy eaters who eat opposite to each other its be invaluabe to do things this way.
It was recommended by Ellen Slater in the "Division of Responsibility". Wheras kids used to reject food, now they have food they can serve themselves. While I still get "yuk not eating that" when the refusing child sees other family members eating and enjoying the food, in the absence of any pressure, they will more often than not cautiously take a nibble and decide they do like the food after all - so I get to cook & eat more of what I like, my kids eat more/are more adventurous, and it takes pressure out of meals re fussy eaters.

Plus it is much nicer way to eat.

We don't have a problem with leftovers - any are usually eaten the next day for lunch.