I worry the joy has gone out of life and won't fully return

[MyriamVB]

Firstly a disclaimer. I realise that many many people, including those in the frontline NHS staff, those who lived through and died in the 2 world wars and conflicts since, have and had it far harder. I also realise that the current restrictions are necessary to protect the NHS and save lives. I realise that there were many suffering people in the world and there will continue to be after this.

Obviously very very few people are enjoying life hugely at the minute. I do worry though that amongst all the solitude, strain on relationships, lack of socialising, boredom and listlessness together with the new authoritarian atmosphere around movements, the whole "I saw someone sit on a bench it's a disgrace" thing plus the psychological impact of necessary social distancing that the joy of life won't come back, not properly. It seems all around me people in necessary lockdown are beginning to be significantly affected by it. Even on here, every second thread seems to have descended into name calling and vociferous disagreement and "you're being ridiculous". Is this it now?

@Foreverlexicon 💐 and for anyone else who is struggling.

It's also not a terrible time for me financially, I've been surviving off minimum wage or equivalent for years, I have no property to lose and my income can't get any lower. I'm actually better off as outgoings are down, I've had refunds for a holiday and my WTC has gone up. I've been able to treat my girls and still save for something to give us joy when this is all over. Keep looking at the positives

We’re ok, DH still working (full time from home), I’m a SAHM anyway so the only difference is having the 2 school aged DC at home with me as well as the toddler, decent house, decent garden...

But I really bloody miss my mum and my dad. I don’t know how I can find joy in anything when I can’t see them. My mum is NHS; so is at risk every day then is on her own (she lives alone) at evenings and weekends. We usually see her 3/4 times a week. And my dad too. My mums 60th will be in lockdown. My brother died young and my parents have both had to spend what would have been his birthday alone. And I know it could be worse. But yeah, minimal joy for me despite lovely time with my family.

EngagedAgain I'm so sorry you're still in one
I've found the reading threads on The Womens Aid and the Reddit sites (google Reddit, narcissitic abuse) so helpful, if you can.. you don't need to register to read them, and remember to delete your online history.
I wish you so much strength to get through.

I’m on mat leave so was home anyway, I’ve lost my baby groups, NCT friends and seeing family but that’s it.

We have a nice (but ordinary) home in a beautiful rural area. We have a garden with open country views and lovely walks on our doorstep. DH works from home normally anyway so no change there.
I have a horse and her care is my daily exercise which is good for my soul. There’s no-one here spying on each other, the homes are too spread out for anyone to have a clue.

Ocado still deliver to us as do the pubs and farm shops and we rarely ventured to town anyway. We have Netflix, Sky, Apple TV and Amazon Prime. There’s more TV than I can possibly watch. We are both massive introverts, so not having to socialise is lovely.

We aren’t invincible financially and longer term could both have job issues and all our savings went on my mat leave, but I do appreciate that we are hugely fortunate to be unaffected financially for now.

I’m usually very anxious and worry about everything but I think this is so huge I’ve actually shut it out and am sticking to my own bubble. It’s self protection I think.

I do feel sad for those that are in a much darker place. I am also afraid for my family and friends who are frontline NHS although they are remarkably upbeat.

There’s nothing wrong with feeling despair, and there is nothing wrong with feeling ok either. It’s all valid.

You will feel happy again. I was in an awful and violent relationship for 9-10 years. It was utterly miserable and I didn't like the person I became at that time. But in some ways I am a better person now for it. The smallest things make me happy. I am so grateful that I now have money to feed and clothe my DC. I can buy myself a book and some bubble bath without WW3 erupting. This my change forever but it doesn't have to be in a negative way.

It's not too bad for me, I can't wait to rejoice in -the pub- my new found freedom. Having said that, I'm on a good strong antidepressant. I reckon I'd be feeling lower than whale shit at the bottom of the ocean if I wasn't.

It will come back. For now we just need to do what we can to stay happy. It might not be very exciting but there really is nothing we can do about it.

I was really struggling with life mentally/emotionally before this all happened. Now I’m on “pause”, and I feel like although I’m stuck in, I’m safe in my bubble at the moment. It’s so hard to explain. Life just feels simple at the moment.

Kuponut you are the reason I’m on MN, we need more like you

I hope people will find joy in the simpler things, I know I have.

But why not? Are you clinically depressed?
I don't know. I feel down yes. I don't know what qualifies as clinically depressed. As for why I can't imagine those things I suppose I've got used to a life where you have to justify setting foot outdoors at all. And it's like there is this whole chorus of "For God's sake get a grip-world war 2, austerity, you're healthy etc etc" whenever anyone mentions being sad that so many nice things seem like only memories now. Some of the stuff I've read on here has really really got me down in a bit way. It's like the whole MN thing has turned into a shouting match of people trying to find fault and drag others down.

I think a lot of people are experiencing the full spectrum of emotions at the moment but there is definitely bit absence of joy, nor will there be in the future.

I've had bad days in this, days where I've been in desperate need of some personal space and privacy, days when I've really not enjoyed my children's company, and days when I've felt panicky about work (NHS) and family who are vulnerable etc.

However, the glorious weather and incredible show of spring outside is truly heart lifting for me. I feel real pleasure going out each day and seeing blue sky and hearing bird song. We have spent so much time in our garden and have made real progress with planting vegetables and herbs and it feels great and something to look forward to when they grow (hopefully).

Today was a good day and I realised that a lot of the general anxiety I feel in normal life is based on rushing around and having to be somewhere all the time. Today I felt relaxed and content. We ate a home cooked meal that I searched for the recipe for, we had home baked cake and ate in the garden. I enjoyed my dc company and they enjoyed their school work and their down time.. My older dc have got into letter writing and are just thrilled each day when the post comes and brings them a card from their grandparents or cousins.

I don't care what I'm wearing, so I'm very comfortable through the day. I'm doing less washing but the washing I'm doing dries on the line in the sunshine, my house is clean and tidy and we've cleared out a lot of cupboards and hidey holes which feels good.

I really enjoy my DH company and we are friends with each other. It's so long since we've spent any real time together as he normally works away and we run ourselves ragged with extra curricular lifts.

I'm not saying this to show off. I have a front line job and have a lot of worries, but I really do experience joy and contentment at the moment, and can't be unique in that.

I hope you feel better soon x

"focus on the unique opportunity this is, and it might be better."

What unique opportunity??

I am completely in agreement with everything you have said OP and I feel exactly the same.

My worry is that this will be the new norm. If I knew for certain this was only temporary I could cope better but I can't believe that.

I went for a walk today to somewhere I went to 2 months ago and it may as well have been a thousand years ago, it felt so different.

I sat down on a bench for 20 minutes to rest and it was on my mind 'is someone, somewhere watching me because I'm just sitting here and not walking?' I mean, how bad has it got that you feel you are doing something unacceptable by sitting on a bench?

MN has had shouting matches for as long as I've been on here. That's nothing new.

I think sometimes people bring up the "it could be so much worse" type of response because they want to put things in perspective. We do believe things will go back to normal, and we don't want people falling into depression and wringing their hands over worst case scenarios or an internal monologue that blows things out of proportion.

Some are suffering horribly right now, but the average person will come through this alright. Maybe the "it could be worse" approach is frustrating to some people, but the doom and gloom attitude doesn't help everyone, either. Suggestions that life will never be joyful again are depressing and untrue.

I am sad to hear how hard some people are having it. It was my friend's mum's funeral today and she couldn't attend. However she made the most of the day and raised a martini dry from her garden to her.
I'm sorry to hear of other losses such as the death of pets.

My expierence is mixed. We have lost our family business. We won't recover and have started to make moves at winding it down. I am still working so at least I have a salary.

I can't do the things I love but it's a small price and it's not for ever.
I'm missing my friends but we ( as a generation) have technology to keep in touch.
I had so many plans for April and May such as gigs, theatre and cinema screenings I wanted to see but there's plenty of in house entertainment.
I'm loving having my adult kids living with me and. All of us being at home in the evening together.
Apart from being skint, we are ok and finding joy in lots of ways such as trying out new receipes, new workouts, taking the piss out of each other, nothing new there!, card games, etc.

I think not spending too much time on Mumsnet helps.
I have been enjoying life - I went on some lovely walks in beautiful weather and have had some really good family time.
But I'm sad about stuff too and really want to see family and friends.
OP your feelings are valid. Some of the stuff you read here does drag you down. I think it's best not to take too much notice of a lot of many posts on this site. Probably according to MN I am enjoying my daily walks too much and have committed a crime by sitting on a bench now and then but I try not to let it get to me. And I think I will also try to limit time on this site!

I am looking for joy in the simple things like the light nights, good weather, blossom on the trees etc...

The happy people have houses and gardens

And possibly don’t see the police patrolling daily.

I hope people will find joy in the simpler things, I know I have

I suppose it depends what your life was like before. We already had a fairly ‘simple’ life, but our main joy comes from spending time with family and friends, which we now cannot do. So basically the only impact for us is a negative one.

Also wonder what the “unique” opportunity is

Claustrophobia or agoraphobia?

.. and possibly haven't lost all forms of income, with unpaid bills piling up LilacTree

Jelly. Yup.

@Jellykat, thank you, and I will have a look at those.

I think joy will return if it has gone for some people for the reasons unique to their circumstances. You are not BU to feel low or to feel the future could be less than you had before. Lots of people are enjoying the slower pace of life with their young children I get that but then lots are very unhappy too.
There is not much joy for my DD13 at the moment she is missing her friends and school and yes we have had some nice days but she is very down.
Simple joy will definitely come back when she gets to meet up with them again but for now like a lot of people she is missing those relationships.
Things will ease up in a couple of months and it will seem less doom laden even with some restrictions still in place.