I worry the joy has gone out of life and won't fully return

[MyriamVB]

Firstly a disclaimer. I realise that many many people, including those in the frontline NHS staff, those who lived through and died in the 2 world wars and conflicts since, have and had it far harder. I also realise that the current restrictions are necessary to protect the NHS and save lives. I realise that there were many suffering people in the world and there will continue to be after this.

Obviously very very few people are enjoying life hugely at the minute. I do worry though that amongst all the solitude, strain on relationships, lack of socialising, boredom and listlessness together with the new authoritarian atmosphere around movements, the whole "I saw someone sit on a bench it's a disgrace" thing plus the psychological impact of necessary social distancing that the joy of life won't come back, not properly. It seems all around me people in necessary lockdown are beginning to be significantly affected by it. Even on here, every second thread seems to have descended into name calling and vociferous disagreement and "you're being ridiculous". Is this it now?

Most of my friends are having an amazing lockdown (I'm not on social media apart from MN) so it's through chatting to them I am hearing what lovely things they are up to with their children and partners.
They all have pretty comfortable lives (not rich, but comfortable) and so have nice houses with gardens and dogs and they all seem to be having a whale of a time enjoying the simpler things.
I am furloughed, but have found a temporary a full-time position which is hard work. I also live alone, so yes, there's not much joy in my life at the moment. I'm missing my family especially.
But trust me, there are plenty of people having a good time still, just not you & me!

I think it all depends on your own circumstances and personality.

I am a natural introvert, but have a house and garden (I think the outdoor space, albeit small, helps loads). We were always busy busy, but obviously we are now all at home. We love the quiet (TBF we have lovely neighbours who also enjoy quiet so don't blast music).

Our income is down, and our pensions are stuffed, but we are enjoying our home time.

It must be very hard for extrovert personalities.

People went mental cause they were scared. We'll regain some normality soon... as reality dawns on some people.

I'm actually going through a bit of an enforced evolution with this. Learning to let go of expectations of myself and others, recognise and accept that stuff that I can't change.

Focussing on the small stuff.

I know it's cheesy but I'm probably more content right now than in 'normal' life.

I hope that I can retain this when it's over.

OP the joy is still there.
It’s maybe taking more effort to appreciate the smaller simpler things rather than focusing on the horribleness of what is going on.
I still have lots of moments of joy, times when I truly feel thankful for what I have, then in the moments when I want to cry about everything and when I feel despondent and miserable I try to remind myself of what made me feel happy, and I tell myself I will feel happy again, just not right now though.
The joy will come back.
We need to have hope.

I'm struggling so badly, but my whole life i've got by thinking as long as i dont loose my sense of humour everything will be okay.
I now cant remember the last time i laughed or even smiled, my whole face is changing, and i dont know if who i am will be lost forever.
(but i am also dealing with the consequences of a 12 year long abusive relationship with no support)

I agree. So many of the things I enjoyed involved being close to relative strangers (think theatre, evening classes, gym) that I can't see how I'll ever get to mix socially beyond a much narrower circle.

Reminds me of the impact of AIDS on the free and easy life of my youth.

I’m not unhappy now but I’m confident that in my lifetime this won’t be the be all and end all, it’ll be a significant piece of history but that’s all it will be. It won’t totally cloud the future, although it will leave a mark.
But I think some good will come of it actually, there’s always light and shade to everything.

god i'm loving it in some ways, and it hasn't been easy.

In my opinion it's about metal attitude. Try to make the best out i the situation and focus on the positive.

it's your responsibility to make your own joy.

i love seeing my kids more, they love school too, the tiny class size and fun based classes are going down great with my dds.

my work has increased and has become more challenging but i love the challenge.

i miss my friends, hobby and sport but i'm able to train 2-3hrs a day still so trying to maintain my fitness

i love the slower pace of life, the weather has been amazing and love my garden.

i feel as a family it has bought us far closer, i just feel so thankful.

Also the environment is benefiting from this. However i'm based in the north and i do believe it is yet to peak here

I think it is really important to choose consciously to be positive in this health crisis. No one wants this, but our governments are trying to protect both our health, and, as much as they can, financially. We are not in the position of the plague, just locked in house just praying to survive disease and starvation. We have modern technology, we can figure out what this is and a strategy. Science is on our side this time. We all have to be patient and accept that until that strategy is defined there will be some sacrifice. If the worst thing that happens to you personally is a not great year, with even up to six months on quarantine, we should be able to find positives.

I'm actually perfectly happy, but I'm an introvert who WFH anyway and have a good sized house, a big garden and no money worries. I don't say that to brag but to point out that your experience of lockdown will depend on so many variables. For us, it's been life largely as normal, bar not seeing family. That is the only thing that I am finding hard at the moment, so I think once this is over I will embrace seeing family much more and want to spend more quality time.

I think if you're an extrovert, are trapped in a small house, an unpleasant relationship, have lost your income, struggle with being inside, then its easy to think that joy is gone somehow. But realistically, this is a relatively small time out of our lives. For some it will have long-term consequences, but for others it will just pass and life will carry on like it does with everything. People always can find joy in every situation.

Can I ask if you’ve ever been depressed before. I have, a few times and whilst it’s always awful the first time was definately the worst because it was impossible to imagine the utter suffocating cloud of doom would ever lift, and that I ever could be happy again after so much has shifted inside me (and after life had changed externally for me as well). However, I did feel joy again and the subsequent depressive episodes were easier to bear because I knew, it was able to hope, that life would improve even though it didn’t feel it at the time. Ironically, I truly believe that having had those episodes in the past has been a huge advantage in facing the present situation, what I’m trying to say is, yes people are suffering now, yes life may in some ways have changed for the near future or even permanently, but you will ewnjoy life again, at some point. In the meantime can you try something like a gratitude journal. Sounds hopelessly wooo but genuinely helps...

Emotions come in waves. You won't feel this despairing forever. Things will change. You will feel better.

At least that's what the mental health team tell me.

I think life is overall bit great right now. It's diminished. Not awful but less that it was before, less fun, more lonely, more worrying.

But I don't feel it'll be like this forever. I think some of the things I previously took for granted like seeing family, meeting friends, singing in a choir, will be extra special when I get to you them again.

I agree with the previous poster that you need to use social media selectively to avoid being overwhelmed with panic and "Someone walked past me only 1m away, don't they realise people are dying?" brigade. I went though Facebook and unfollowed the worse offenders and use MN very selectively.

I can understand those who are bereaved or facing financial ruin failing to see the joy but you don’t mention these factors.
I am happier in lockdown, more time with my family unit, time to cook from scratch, long walks, lovely weather. I admit I am not a social animal but life is pretty good right now.

I think the opposite. I think we will really appreciate going out, seeing friends, eating out etc. I can't wait to take the kids to the park, they will be so excited. My daughters cycling has improved massively as we have been out on her bike most days. My other fussy eating daughter has tried about 5 new foods (amazing as she only ate about 5 foods beforehand) as we are eating together as a family more. It's my eldest daughters birthday in a couple of weeks and she keeps saying how lucky she is that she can stay at home on her birthday (it's on a day she would actually be at home anyway but I wont correct her!).
I just think surely when we have access to various things again we will appreciate them all the more
I am aware I'm speaking from the perspective of someone who is likely to keep their job and I appreciate its completely different if this isnt the case or if you have lost a loved one etc

No joy at all in life for many at the moment. Some people live in a bubble of ignorance. I agree that joy may never return for some people.

It's much easier for privileged people who can WFH, have lost little or no income, in a big confy house with a leafy garden
Or someone who was already managing OK on benefits before this
Or retired people like me in their forever home - but at least I actually realise I'm lucky

Very difficult for the many millions of people to be positive who have
lost jobs / had wages slashed / lost small businesses they spent years building up / living off their life savings / struggling to pay essential bills / struggling to keep their home.
Or of course anyone bereaved

There's no fucking positive for them about this

I'm looking after myself as in exercising and I'm not a natural gym bunny.

I've started on lots of supplements. I'm having some deep conversations with one particular person. They are really beautiful. We do not talk doom and gloom only joyful things.

I listen to books while cooking meals, I'm enjoying nature I got the best little video messages of critters from friends I've made during lockdown.

I was immensely sad in March found out about an AF so I've moved on to happier things. Loads of beauty treatments booked for post lockdown.

Today I picked a year 2002 played music from that year with the help of Alexa. Remembered trips and happy times and danced around the kitchen.

Nothing out of the ordinary but tiny pockets of joy.

I had a life saving operation last year, my fourth. It meant a month in a city hospital. While I was still in icu I found out DM was terminally ill and was a patient in the hospital local to where we both lived. I'm so grateful that it didn't happen this year. DM never returned home after her diagnosis but spent her last weeks surrounded by family and friends. We gave her a beautiful send off, none of which we could have done if it was now. I would never have physically seen her again. A friend's DM died three weeks ago, only her and her sister could attend the funeral standing 2m apart, no flowers and it had to be held in the local crem. She had to post photos to family.
Later in the year DD was diagnosed with a two congenital heart defects. The appointment with the cardiologist was seen as routine and I have no doubt the appointment with all the tests would have been postponed as she is a teenager and even though she had symptomsthey treated it pretty much as a box ticking exercise until the began the ultrasoundof her heart. It was such a shock after all we'd already been through but it obviously puts her into the vulnerable group with underlying health conditions, knowledge we wouldn't have had and that she needs extra protection.
There is still joy to be found and so much to be grateful for. We're keeping busy and planning future adventures once it's safe to do so.

There was very little joy in my life before, it has completely gone now, replaced with worry and despair. I used to just work out what to do and get on with it when something went wrong, this is something I can't deal with, I have lost so much already. Could be facing life with no income and all that comes with it.
Tonight was even worse as I lost a pet.

All I can think of that might help is that maybe life will change enough to be good again when it is over. I would love a simple life but not sure I can get there. Am ready to call it a day right now.

I think this completely depends on individual circumstances and also whether there are vulnerable people in your family

Our jobs are safe and as we both work from home frequently, it is going very smoothly. I really enjoy being at home but am becoming very lazy and eating/drinking as though I was on vacation. I really feel for those in precarious positions and feel it will take years to get back to normal financially for many. However joy can still be found, I find it in the smaller things now and don’t take as much for granted.

I agree. Too many people are too quick to write off the psychological issues of this. Anyone struggling is considered to be a weak snowflake and must remember other people have it worse so don’t complain. I shouldn’t be surprised as mental health issues have always been brushed off like this. Telling anyone with mental health problems just to cheer up or get over it has never worked, I’m not sure why people think it is an appropriate response.

I'm sorry to hear about your pet @WhenItIsOver sounds like a very difficult time for you.