I worry the joy has gone out of life and won't fully return

[MyriamVB]

Firstly a disclaimer. I realise that many many people, including those in the frontline NHS staff, those who lived through and died in the 2 world wars and conflicts since, have and had it far harder. I also realise that the current restrictions are necessary to protect the NHS and save lives. I realise that there were many suffering people in the world and there will continue to be after this.

Obviously very very few people are enjoying life hugely at the minute. I do worry though that amongst all the solitude, strain on relationships, lack of socialising, boredom and listlessness together with the new authoritarian atmosphere around movements, the whole "I saw someone sit on a bench it's a disgrace" thing plus the psychological impact of necessary social distancing that the joy of life won't come back, not properly. It seems all around me people in necessary lockdown are beginning to be significantly affected by it. Even on here, every second thread seems to have descended into name calling and vociferous disagreement and "you're being ridiculous". Is this it now?

Sure it will, most of me and my friends are quite enjoying the break from the rat race tbh. Even with pay cuts etc - though were very very lucky not to have any vulnerable friends or family.

The joys out there. We've been having video pub quizzes every Friday, DP and I have dressed up fancy and had dinner and board games at home, we've sorted the garden.

@lilactree1 believe me, it's not just those with houses, money and no health issues that are happy. I'm pregnant and so worried about the effect that catching this virus may have on my baby. And on me seeing as pregnant womens immune systems are naturally lowered. I'm worried about my mum with MS and other health conditions who lives alone and is struggling. Money is not good for me at the moment. I actually have a lot on my plate at the moment. But I'm happy. Yes there are times where I feel down, which is natural, we are human beings with a range of emotions. But overall I try and think in a positive manner and push myself to do things that maintain my mental health.

MyriamVB I mostly agree with you. I agree that on the social front people seem to have descended into negative attacks although I don't believe social media can foot the blame. It's just another means to carry the message along...

I'm having trouble moving my thinking past some terrible correspondence we received a fortnight ago. I know the guy writing it is a moron, I know he isn't liked by our other neighbours, and I know he has done the same to them as now to us, and I know I should be able to let it drop from my thinking. But I can't. And I think lots of us are going through that and I can only assume its because our external feelers are not getting the stimulation that they are so used to.

There's probably some shorter more medically precise way to describe what I'm trying to say, but that is how it seems to me for the time being. :)

The only thing I am struggling with is getting dd to do enough school work. It's a lovely relaxed school and they say they are fine with 15mins a day on 2 apps, but they have sent out worksheets and have art ideas on their website. Of course the pushy mums have already completed all of the worksheets and emailed for more...it's that side of it I can't deal with; we need more structure. Also, if she was busy doing school stuff I might get a coffee in silence

Other than that and an early on rant at a man and his son who clearly thought social distancing was ridiculous, we've been enjoying it. It's like a slightly crap summer holiday but we get to use up loads of crafts, cook bread and cakes (finally use that Brexit stockpile!) and play with the dog. We miss the beach in the sun, but we are quite content.

Not that you'd know that on my fb - it's all "WHY AREN'T WE TESTING?" and other shouty posts in between pics of dd and ddog

The time has flown for us but I am finding it hard psychologically.

I want to enjoy wfh but I just don’t!

I’ve got mixed feelings. Doesn’t seem quite right to be ‘enjoying’ the experience. I’m a key worker in an area heavily exposed to corona, extremely grim times for many many families and also my colleagues. 20 odd years working here and I’ve seriously never known anything like it, the stress, volume of work, anxiety, physical discomfort.
I see families contentedly going for walks, cycling, all this talk about enjoying a new less hurried lifestyle, enjoying time with their children, cooking etc and I just think they’ve not got a clue. It’s like half the country is nicely insulated against all this and the other is really suffering.

You need to look for joy in the small things and live one dat at a time.

I’m bloody loving it.
I live with an older teen so he doesn’t need much input but I still have company. I have a ( minuscule)garden but it gets full sun. Still getting paid for not working that much.
Also loving going out like a slob and not giving a monkey, I have friends but frankly as a lazy git not missing going out. Zoom, phone or SM when I fancy it.

If I was worrying about money, had kids to entertain, living with no outside space or working overtime in a supermarket or NHSI’d be massively fucked off to be fair.

Meh it seems to me like the "joyful" people are the ones that now have an excuse to stop what mostly were lifestyle choices that they didn't actually enjoy/stressed them out.

The thing is, the OP didn't say, people are not joyful because they've lost jobs and income- that's pretty obviously very depressing. She said because of boredom, solitude, listlessness, strain on relationships. Not everyone is experiencing this time at home like that- I'm not bored, I'm not in solitude either with two teens, and I'm not listless (or in a relationship). I'm my usual reasonably happy self.

I completely agree that your experience of this is determined by a) if you have lost your job or income or the future is very hard to see and b) if you work in front-line health-care and are seeing terrible things on a daily basis.

That's why people are finding it so hard to understand each other. My experience of staying home is pretty relaxed and occasionally boring, but I am working and have company and it's quite nice. I'm sure I'll have a lot of joy once I escape home and start going out again. But if you are traumatised or impoverished by this experience, which millions are, then even when it is all over it may be hard to fully enjoy life again immediately afterwards.

We just aren't having similar experiences.

I've never ever felt as miserable as I do now, this isn't a life worth living

I feel no joy. Just total despair and no hope. All my things are taken away. No work, no fun, no contact , no money. Nothing to look forward too.

To. No need for grammar to go

The beauty of humans is that we are astonishingly adaptable. We change and thrive under all sorts of extraordinary (and dire) situations, and people show incredible resilience.

This is so true. It may seem horrible at the moment, but the time will come when we look back and think how well we did.

I have to admit that my life continues much the same as usual. I live alone and had already been unemployed for quite some time, so had adapted to a slightly different life, which I was enjoying. and I am still enjoying at the moment. Things will get better and joy will return, just give it time.

I see families contentedly going for walks, cycling, all this talk about enjoying a new less hurried lifestyle, enjoying time with their children, cooking etc and I just think they’ve not got a clue.

I don't believe that's true for the majority - they know, but what would be the point of making themselves sick with worries and putting their lives on hold? That would help no one. It's not like the majority doesn't know or doesn't care, but there's not much they can do to help.

I’ve adapted enough. I’ve pulled myself up by my bootstraps enough times and I can’t be fucked this time. So there!

I'm one of those people that complains about no free time and always too busy. I realise now I thrive on being busy and occupied. Me and DH are keyworkers so we both have the anxiety of going out to work whilst most are working from home or furloughed spending all day doing DIY or having BBQs. I like being out and about doing things, travelling, seeing new places, this life is not for me. I feel some people will be so desperate, they'd soon enough take their chances with the virus than live like this.

I think those of us who can, should be happy.

I'm nearly seventy and very aware of my own mortality, so if it does happen that these are my last days on this earth, they are bloody great.

I think it is a very polarised experience. I've got friends working frontline/ backroom NHS and they're having a crazy time, particulary those on the logistics side of it, plus trying to work from home with an expectation of some home education.

I'm having the quiet side of it. DH is secure, I was a SAHM anyway, but I've lost that busyness that gave structure to my life. I joke about the excitement of bin day and food shopping. I have no imminent health or financial concerns for mine or the people I love.

Very often it's the little things that bring me joy. This beautiful spring emerging is incredible especially after struggling with a dull sodden winter that started in September and resulted in nearby flooding by November. Even at times of rawest grief, joy has never been far away. In childhood, days after my dad died suddenly, all the rest of the family pulled together and decorated a room together to prepare for the funeral. We were united through the saddest of reasons, but there was still joy in our unity and common cause.

I'm trying to just go with the flow, this is currently an indeterminate situation. My next diary entry for any kind of event is September. I don't know whether it is viable. I'm just enjoying all the little moments of pleasure and joy along the way.

Limit the news and MNing. They really are not helpful!

Yesterday I went for a walk. It was a perfect spring day - warm, sunny, clear blue sky, new green leaves, blossom, birdsong - it was utterly joyous. I felt glad to be alive. The joy’s still here, it’s in the little things we’re usually too busy to notice.

This also. It's autumn here, my favourite time of year, and I feel lucky to be able to go for a walk and enjoy the sunshine instead of being cooped up in an office as I was before redundancy. We do have to look for reasons to be happy, and often the smallest things are the most joyful.

I hear you OP. I wonder is it down to personality type....I'm quite sociable and love getting out and meeting people so have found it much harder than my DH and sons who are introverts and loving it all. I did the grocery shop today and felt so much better for it....just doing something half normal...even though it was all a bit weird and more stressful than usual.

Mascotte “ I’ve pulled myself up by my bootstraps enough times and I can’t be fucked this time. So there!”

Yes, how many times can people do that? And what for? Now I’ve seen what people are like, it’s just, why fucking bother?

PuppyBum -I've never ever felt as miserable as I do now, this isn't a life worth living

I feel exactly the same

the joy has gone out of life for me, my young adult son has been in the hospital since Christmas and will be there for some time yet. I cannot see him as the hospital won't allow visitors. My heart is breaking to hear the lockdown might last until June.

Also, all this 'we're in it together' rubbish, no actually we're not. The previous poster was right that keyworkers are experiencing something quite apart from the stay at home folks.