I worry the joy has gone out of life and won't fully return

[MyriamVB]

Firstly a disclaimer. I realise that many many people, including those in the frontline NHS staff, those who lived through and died in the 2 world wars and conflicts since, have and had it far harder. I also realise that the current restrictions are necessary to protect the NHS and save lives. I realise that there were many suffering people in the world and there will continue to be after this.

Obviously very very few people are enjoying life hugely at the minute. I do worry though that amongst all the solitude, strain on relationships, lack of socialising, boredom and listlessness together with the new authoritarian atmosphere around movements, the whole "I saw someone sit on a bench it's a disgrace" thing plus the psychological impact of necessary social distancing that the joy of life won't come back, not properly. It seems all around me people in necessary lockdown are beginning to be significantly affected by it. Even on here, every second thread seems to have descended into name calling and vociferous disagreement and "you're being ridiculous". Is this it now?

I am gaining immense joy from finding greater value in people and things I previously took for granted. Gardening, spending all this time with DD, mainly in the sun in the garden and loading are bringing plenty of joy, but then my life has changed very little since pre lockdown.

@isabellerossignol where do you live

N Ireland. Hardly a summer goes by that we don't get a wee riot (or even a big riot sometimes) because of a particular issue that raises its head every year. I can imagine that if social distancing is still a thing by July we could be in for a rough summer, because some people won't want to cancel their events. And if one side breaks the rules the other will understandably go mad. And the police will be in the middle.

For anyone taking walks in cities now. Look up. It's amazing how much amazing architecture we were all walking around for years and missed because we never looked up.

Friend of mine decided to fill her windowsills with plants, flowers and herbs now and said it made massive difference to the feel of the flat. She was laughing that when she now opens windows and sits next to it, it nearly feels like a balcony.

But that's specific to here, I can't see widespread civil unrest in the UK as a whole

@isabellerossignol oh wow.

I think I can understand where you're coming from, OP. I'm disabled and pretty much housebound, if not bedbound, most of the time. A lot of people with disabling conditions already live lockdown. I know I sometimes get down, can't see the next time I'll be able to get out of the house, feel I have little to look forward to and nothing to gain enjoyment from. Those feelings are awful and I imagine they're similar to how you've been feeling. These feelings don't stay with me long term; they do pass and yours will, too. I try to find happiness in little things like a sunny day, colourful flowers, achieving small tasks round the house, my husband taking me for a drive out.

This awful period will come to an end and you will be able to have your days out and you'll enjoy yourself again.

I can very much understand that personal circumstances can make this either a lot easier, or a lot harder for individuals. I very much feel for those who are in situations that would be challenging at the best of times, that have been made so much worse by the pandemic, whether those are physical, mental, social, financial, familial, or situational.

I find that some days I find it easier to find something to take a little bit of pleasure in, or joy in, and other days I haven't the energy or the will. I suspect it's cyclical to a degree.

I hope that a day comes for those finding it so difficult at the moment, where they find it easier to find something to give them a little bit of hope or peace. It's a horrible feeling when you feel you have none of either.

I think they’ve created sufficient fear that the pubs won’t be heaving actually.

You could be right but I wouldn't be surprised if they were busy. Wetherspoons were open right up till they were forced to shut and loads of people were still in the pubs at this stage as I was driving around for work.

I observe that men seem to be doing a lot less scaremongering and I've not seen much on the weightlifting/cars/kickboxing forums I go on compared to on here. The young (mainly working class) blokes in the workshop/garage/warehouse at work don't seem too bothered either. I reckon they'll be glad to carry on as before.

I'm having my first very low day today. Feel a bit bleak. It's a touch of depression making me feel like that-I recognise it having been depressed before. Could it be a bit of that for you op?

Yabu - in that factually I am sure joy will return - but I understand and Iabu too so you're not alone. I have a lot to be very grateful for, and have counted my blessings in the past few weeks and continue to do so. But depression doesn't necessarily come from being sad; often it comes from being angry and feeling powerless, and there are all sorts of issues around the response to Covid which infuriate me on so many levels.
It has also though shown in stark relief faultlines that were already very much present in societies - national and global - and has magnified them; as well as magnifying the problems of discourse in social media - the frenzy, the personalisation of everything, the rudeness, the lack of nuance, the hypocrisy, the lack of thought, both intellectual and emotional.
Honestly OP, I would really get off MN (and any other crazed FB pages etc) because so many threads just end up being an unnecessarily rude slanging match and if you are feeling miserable, I don't think it's at all helpful. I suspect I should take my own advice too.

I shall be a bit pretentious now and quote a bit of Milton who I certainly didn't appreciate at 16. Now I appreciate some of his rather wise words a bit more.... From Paradise Lost (which it certainly is at the moment!)
"The mind is its own place and in itself can make a heaven of hell, a hell of heaven."
One to ponder on....perhaps!

"The mind is its own place and in itself can make a heaven of hell, a hell of heaven."

The mind can’t pay your bills for you though.

Nothing like a bit of Milton and I don’t mean the sterilisation stuff.

But yes, ain’t gonna pay your bills.

“ “Pandemonium, the palace of Satan rises, suddenly built of the deep: the infernal peers there sit in council.”

England right now.

I'm confidently predicting that loads of young people will flock to the pubs/bars soon as they reopen and the curtain twitchers will be going insane and moaning in AIBU.

It's interesting reading how some people are still finding joy in life by continuing to do hobbies or interests that they had pre lockdown. I feel adrift because the things I normally do that make me feel well or occupy me are now not an option so you end up being left with only what's to hand. My interests and hobbies were outside of the home and so in being unable to do them I'm left just with what I have indoors which is pretty much TV.

It's very hard to not think about issues that are looming large - work, possible redundancy, upcoming planned treatments that are cancelled, worry about paying bills, paying our DDS university rent, supporting our son financially because his housemate has lost his job yet rent and bills need paying, potential for some of us to get ill - it's hard to just switch off from thinking about these things and in many ways you can't take action to do anything about them. You can't go and do anything about these things, you're just forced to watch them unfurl, but powerless to act to do anything about them.

"The mind can’t pay your bills for you though."

That suggests that there is a clear correlation between mood and ability to pay bills. But some people who can't pay their bills are surprisingly upbeat, and some people who have minimal financial worries are feeling very low. That's not new to the Covid situation, it was ever so. And that's the point of the quote - that the mind can make a desperate situation seem OK or an OK one miserable.

And I think it's demonstrated very well on Mumsnet.

That suggests that there is a clear correlation between mood and ability to pay bills.

Statistics back that up. Unemployment,living and growing up in poverty etc all increase the likelihood of (sometimes serious) mental health illness. To pretend otherwise is just goady.

Now I can give you the benefit of the doubt that you're being naive,but I sincerely doubt it.

Those lazy poor people and the ones that suffer with mental health, if only they'd just try harder to look at the bright side of life and listen to the robins singing.

The mind can’t pay your bills for you though.

No it can't, but the right frame of mind can help you cope better, help with the anxiety that you may have. The wrong frame of mind will just feed the anxiety and make coping with practical things much harder.

It seems airy fairy but there is method in the madness.

Unemployment,living and growing up in poverty etc all increase the likelihood of (sometimes serious) mental health illness.

Another argument to looking after your mind whilst dealing with shite stuff in your life, it's easy to understand how the above can happen. Poverty can be a hard cycle to break, it can drag you down hence the importance of taking care of the stuff you can control.

Thankfully, I’m not struggling to pay my bills. But I think telling people who are facing unemployment/losing their homes etc to just ‘listen to the birdsong’ is pretty shit.

Thank you @Bella2020

Joy will return.

I have PTSD, I've been through horrible traumas including a terrorist attack. I'm now physically disabled and in pain every day of my life and can't do a lot of the things I used to love, which I miss terribly.

But I love life again now, I do worthwhile things, have good friends, I've found other things I love to do, I have an interesting career, wonderful husband and children. There are so many good things.

I can't stand people like you who seem to revel in other people's suffering.

Suffering!!! I wonder what people living in refugee camps, war zones, countries where tornados and cyclones have just torn through would think if they were reading these threads! I daresay they are a bit busy at the moment to be sad that you are having to make do with a phone/video call instead of seeing someone face to face.

I can't stand people like you who have no real idea of what suffering means!

Throughout history there have been wars, famine, plague etc and joy has not been permanently extinguished. Some individuals have losses which mean that joy never fully returns to them but in general joy does return.