To find it rude that people just don’t acknowledge texts?

[Ladyks]

Basically that. Been trying to organize something (don’t want to say in case it’s outing) and have been messaging a lot of friends and some just flat out don’t respond? If you don’t want to participate, then fine, but why ignore the message full stop? It’s WhatsApp so I know these “friends” have read it. Some initially responded, and when I sent a reminder message (one reminder as they hadn’t participated yet, & the day before I needed it— & they knew about it for over a week from the original message), they just ignored it? I’m just frustrated & find it incredibly annoying, and no, it’s nothing that asked for money or anything complicated. Also seems to be my British friends more so than my American friends that just don’t ever respond. Is it cultural perhaps?? Just having a rant really, it’s hard to organize things. Thanks for making it this far.

I'm probably like your friends. My phone goes off all day with bloody loads of WhatsApp group messages and I'm working or with DCs and don't have time to faff about reading them all in depth so I'll take a glance and think I'll reply later.... then life gets in the way and I forget. In the evenings when I finally sit down I don't want to spend it on my phone - I just want to relax.

I know people might think this is rude but I'm not at everyone's call 24/7.

I have to confess I’m really terrible at responding in group chats. I don’t even know why I just can’t bring myself to text a response.

If you need a response from me it’s best to message me directly.

I hate the way people think technology makes us accessible 24/7 and just refuse to cooperate with that. I’m not accessible 24/7 and am not going to be, no matter how many new ways to demand my attention are invented.

It's not just WhatsApp, there's email, separate work email, messenger, text etc... I find it overwhelming .. everyone wanting an answer ,or for me to do something, or process some info and act on it later.. if it's very short and to the point and I'm not doing anything else at the time the message comes through and my phone is to hand, then I may well answer quickly. If I'm pushed for time and the message is wordy, I may well not fight my way through there and then, and if I remember I will go back to it, but if it goes off my screen, if it's superceded by other stuff, I may well forget completely.
Like other people have said, might be best to ring or text.

DH and I have had a ‘lockdown birthday video’ request. Tbh, it was a fucking hassle and we weren’t feeling it and did it under sufferance. We had to be ‘prompted’ several times.

We now have to go to the zoom birthday party Over the evening. OP, it sounds like you have planned other events, so maybe we are coming to yours but... god, it is intrusive.

This is a weird time and as a family we are taking things at our own pace. The best thing about lockdown is not having to do all these other social demands and having them foisted on us is really unwelcome. And, no, we couldn’t have just refused to do it - that would have upset the person asking.

I am terrible at returning messages.

I can see why you find it a little rude, feels like a snub. WhatsApp makes this worse as you can see they have read it.

It won't be personal though. I am finding the amount of WhatsApp traffic quite overwhelming at times. A lot of people are on various WhatsApp groups and are being spammed with videos and memes about COVID. There are so many requests to join ZOOM calls. They are being tagged on social media asking them to post their favourite albums or a 'positive' picture. Each in itself is lovely and thoughtful but combined it can be quite overwhelming to some people and they just sort of go into a paralysis where they find it difficult to reply to anything. I can get like this at times. It is difficult to explain.

Everyone is feeling anxious to a certain degree and doing what they need to do to get by. Try not to judge. It is almost certainly not about you.

If they'd just ignored, that would be one thing. It's the fact they said yes.... and then didn't do it. If it's not their kind of thing they could have left it or just said no.

@PersonaNonGarter completely agree. The one thing I was enjoying about lockdown was to be able to switch off socially for a while. I enjoy socialising but do find it exhausting at times. Finding now though that is not really the case, we are now being expected to attend all the same sort of events 'virtually' instead. And it is harder to find a reason not to, I turned one thing down recently and was asked why as surely we can't have any plans at the moment. I don't want to be filmed when I haven't done anything with my hair or face, in my glasses slouched on the settee.

I check my phpne, I'd say every 3 days or so . Why do the likes of u OP expect otherwise?

@QuayboardWarrior A lot of people will say on here that a person doesn't owe you a reply, just like a person shouldn't have to come to the door when you knock. I however think it's bad manners to ignore a person wanting or needing to speak to you.

It's not bad manners, simply. A person has the right to not respond. I won't bother answering the door unless I am expecting someone or something.

I’m finding lockdown far more demanding of me socially than being out in the real world. Out there, I could say I was ‘busy’ if I wanted to get out of something; in lockdown, so many people are demanding my attention all of the time. People keep phoning for lengthy chats, my WhatsApp is constantly buzzing, requests for Zoom meet ups are constant..

I’m replying to the people I want to speak to and replying very sporadically to the people I can’t be bothered with.

If I was sent a request for a birthday video message, I wouldn’t want to do it, but how could I say no? If it was a good friend, I’d do it under sufferance....if it wasn’t a close friend, I’d probably ignore the request and hope it went away. I’m sorry, I just don’t care about milestone birthdays for adults.

FWIW, I spend time making handmade cards for the people I give a toss about.

it didn’t have to be a video. A few people made slideshows with old photos of my husband set to his old fav music. Some sent a video of their dog.

But none of these things take ‘less than 20 seconds.’

I’d have ignored it too, sorry. No time or headspace for that.

I'm not sure why so many people are over exaggerating and saying that the OP 'demanded' anything tbh. She asked, some said yes, then they ignored. I wouldn't have said yes in the first place, but if I had, I would have stuck to it.

All these people on this thread claiming to be so laid back then making out that the OP was 'demanding' something suggests to me that they must misunderstand just about everything they read. Probably deliberately. 😁

On the surface it seems crap and mean spirited not to participate in your request OP but ultimately there are so many reasons why someone might not have followed up, particularly in the current circumstances, would give them the benefit of the doubt and cut them some slack.

What I find interesting about this thread is the number of people who find it “cringe” doing a video message. Doesn’t seem like a big deal to me in this day and age and even if it’s a bit of a faff (who wants to look shit for a video message) I wouldn’t think of it as cringe but a thoughtful gesture for someone who can’t celebrate in the normal way.

Although I would reply and action this type of request, I could see my husband falling into the camp of seemingly not bothered, he can be crap about stuff like this and is not good with group chat requests. For him a personal message rather than through a group chat would work better. I don’t get why he’s crap about it when I’m not but I’ve learned in life and this thread shows that one person's reasonableness cannot be assumed to be another’s!

I’d have ignored it too, sorry. No time or headspace for that.

Would you though @WoeIsMee? If it was a mate, wouldn't you just have sent a quick message back to say something like 'sorry, not for me thanks but hope he has a great day'.

I had a friend invite me to a zoom 'cheese and wine'. Fuck that - absolutely not something I'm interested in so I just messaged her back saying 'bloody hell, I'm in my pjs- no thanks! I will drink some wine and think of you though. See you soon I hope'. (or similar bollocks).

This isn't happening only in these times of 'not being in the right headspace' (i.e. pandemic). This has been happening for YEARS.

If someone is trying to organise something then it's frustrating and rude not to reply. If you don't want to spam a group thread, then message the organiser separately. There's nothing more annoying than being on a time crunch and not getting a response.

It is bad manners when it’s a friends special birthday and a simple request has been completely disregarded. Many people are coming across as completely selfish and making it all about them. Friendships are valuable and the OP was trying to a be a bit imaginative as obviously socialising can’t happen.
This post just reinforces to me that many Mumsnetters are not happy unless they’re constantly shooting people down in flames and think it’s perfectly acceptable to air a friend

@spicedcamomile got it spot on. OP you sound a bit needy and, yes, demanding. He's an adult. They're adults. You sort your birthday wishes to him and leave them to sort theirs. Not get them to do what you want and then 'allow' them to send their personal wishes too if they wish! #firstworldproblems

I’m on the verge of falling out with a previously close friend over this.

I get that a phone is for the owners convenience. I get that sometimes we’re busy and plan to reply later but forget.

But when it’s consistent, it becomes clear that people really just can’t be arsed so you have to question just how important you are to them.

But when it’s consistent, it becomes clear that people really just can’t be arsed so you have to question just how important you are to them.

Absolutely.

Ugh, you sound quite demanding as a 'friend'.

I hate the way all this technology intrudes into our life. Since lockdown, it's been so overwhelming.

I barely respond to anyone these days, except my nearest and dearest.

Ugh, you sound quite demanding as a 'friend'.

@nightswimmers I'm genuinely interested to know what you mean by this? Honestly - no snippyness intended at all. I just don't get it. Why do you think the OP is demanding and you don't think she is a good friend (from your use of quotes)?

I read this OP as her asking their mates if they wanted to take part in something, some didn't respond (which they're entitled not to, though I would have just responded with a no thanks), and some said they would then didn't. I don't know how asking if people want to do something makes someone demanding or a rubbish friend.

Honestly, I hope you're not reading this as bloshy, it's not, I'm just genuinely interested. And hoping that when I asked my friends if they wanted to come round for a few beers (pre lockdown obvs) they didn't think that I was demanding their presence.

It's the OP's response to all this that is leading people to call it demanding.

There's nothing wrong with asking people to do something. But getting upset with people for not replying tips it over into more of a demanding stance. At the very least, she is demanding a reply!

Very rude. They said yes, they wanted to do it and ignored you since. They should have said no or completely ignored (though i find the latter rude too).

Social anxiety more than likely if your asking for video messages. I wouldn’t reply either. 😂