To find it rude that people just don’t acknowledge texts?

[Ladyks]

Basically that. Been trying to organize something (don’t want to say in case it’s outing) and have been messaging a lot of friends and some just flat out don’t respond? If you don’t want to participate, then fine, but why ignore the message full stop? It’s WhatsApp so I know these “friends” have read it. Some initially responded, and when I sent a reminder message (one reminder as they hadn’t participated yet, & the day before I needed it— & they knew about it for over a week from the original message), they just ignored it? I’m just frustrated & find it incredibly annoying, and no, it’s nothing that asked for money or anything complicated. Also seems to be my British friends more so than my American friends that just don’t ever respond. Is it cultural perhaps?? Just having a rant really, it’s hard to organize things. Thanks for making it this far.

Maybe his friends just want to send him a simple message on his birthday and don't want to do what you requested but didn't like to say.

I don't have a mobile phone but if I don't want to answer the landline or my front door I don't.

If you know they have read it and not responded, they are not interested.

Not that difficult to grasp imo and certainly not worth getting het up about.

I'd find a request to make a video too much.

If a text needs a "decision" it's easy to forget to respond. If it's an easy answer I'll do it there and then but if I have to check the calendar or with DH, there's a very strong possibility that once the notification has gone, I'll forget.

If you'd asked me to send a video message I'd be completely cringing and trying to find a way out. If I cared enough I might be trying to come up with a creative alternative but I wouldn't be filming myself for you!

It’s not just a normal birthday it’s one with a zero at the end that usually do make them a bit more special. I would say because of the situation we’re all in it’s even more important to mark occasions, even in a little way.
There are some real kill joys on here

It's a nice thing you're wanting to do for DH but you know you're making people get out of their PJ's and put their game faces on don't you ?

More seriously, you've reminded them DH has a birthday and now they have a present dilemma. Depending upon financial circumstances this could be really unwelcome.

Or they could be worried or grieving.

It was OK to ask. Calling people rude for not replying without knowing their reasons isn't OK.

Yes, the problem is there is no easy way to get out of this request. It's not like being invited to an event you think is cringe, which you can dodge by saying you have other plans. People may just find it easier to not reply rather than coming up with a diplomatic way of saying they don't want to film themselves or can't mentally cope with anything more on their plate right now.

I'm friends with one couple who are like this, hardly ever reply to things - even to things like telling you when they're arriving (that day) and whether or not they'll be here in time for dinner - but when I see them in person they hardly have their phone out of their hands and they're the first to complain when trying to organise a group thing and people don't respond or won't commit!!

I don't know, I really don't use my phone much as I live in the land of no reception. Not many people ever text me on whatsapp so I don't check it often, in fact most of the time my phone is sitting upstairs used for not much more than telling the time when I'm up there!

I'd like to say I'm surprised by the responses on here but I'm not really.

I think it's rude. If someone is not interested - a 'thanks but it's not for me' takes 10 seconds from someone's day. It doesn't need to be a discussion. A little courtesy just seems too much for some people though.

I have read the whole thread. The way you worded it left it open. Can you please send a message and make sure it is here the day before.

This does not require an answer.

If you chased them the day before and they didn't respond by then it is because they don't know how to say Sorry it's not really my thing and by then you would be seen as being a bit pushy.

If it is in a group text then I would assume mine didn't matter than if you had messaged me personally.

If someone was really that important to you or your husband no doubt you would have been in touch separately.

The reason why people are suggesting you demanded a message is that they are going by the tone of your posts on here.

I have family never pick up the phone / answer a text saying they’re too busy etc. Yet they are always calling / texting other family members. I asked mum about it the other day as I was frustrated I didn’t get a reply to a text about what to get their child for a birthday: she said that person is selfish and only communicates when they want something. Perhaps the people you are trying to call / text are the same.

What is it?

maybe everyone is fine not getting responses from others?

Yep. I don't respond to people for days/weeks and sometimes never, and wouldn't expect anything more than that back from anyone. If I really want to get in touch with someone I call them and vice versa.

They could be ill, busy, anything. This is similar to the people who get upset when don’t show up to their wedding.

You need to adopt the 80% probable attendance role (or less). Some one will be ill, someone might crash their car, have a broken boiler, whatever. Some might have had a massive row with a partner or teenager and it’s just not on their mind.

Basically, the only person 100% interested in your life, is you.

They're probably trying to avoid the topic rather than having to say outright 'no thanks, I'd rather just text him directly'. I think you're overthinking this.

God my sister does this.
If it’s something she needs or wants she’ll hound you to death.
If it’s something that benefits anyone else, forget it. You’ve got no chance of a response.

I am guilty of glancing at a message or even accidentally opening it and closing it quickly then forgetting to respond. Some people need a prompt.

I do this. I read messages and seem to have to be in the 'mood' to reply. Sometimes it's just too much effort to articulate a response so I don't reply and then forget. Plus at the moment I'm getting so many messages, that I'd spend all day replying to them.

My friends and I are v laid back though, I never take offence if somebody doesn't reply to me as I just assume they've forgotten or can't really be bothered just like me sometimes!

If I really do need a reply I'll just keep messaging until I get a reply! But again my friends take it all in good humour and nobody ever gets offended.

If your DHs friends don't want to reply or do what you've asked that's their prerogative. You can choose to be offended or not. I know which choice I'd make.

You sound very controlling. First of all you need to recognise that not everyone would feel comfortable doing what you have asked. Even if they said yes at first- they may change their mind or run out of time / have something come up that means a video is now not possible.
The fact that people don’t reply may seem a bit uncaring and I would hope they sent a message of sorts if they were good friends anyway and cared about his birthday. However that should come from them not you.

There can be all sorts of reasons people don’t reply to texts. I usually reply as soon as I can if it’s an easy thing. However sometimes if I’m undecided I like time to think about and then may forget as life is busy. No malice intended. Another thing that I find is that if I hit a period of mental ‘overwhelm ‘ ie work is full on crazy and I’m really focussed on delivering something by a deadline as that’s my job- I will not register a text like that- is tune it out. It’s just the way my brain works to get stuff done. I have so many texts and emails in a day I’d never get my main work done if I replied to everything immediately. I also have kids and before this lockdown a very super busy life running them around. So frankly any reply from me that’s quick - count yourself lucky.

It’s your right to ignore people and it’s my right to think you’re rude.

why are you on AIBU asking if it's rude then?

Ooh so annoying 🤯🤬 No-one is that busy that they can’t take 15-20 seconds to reply to a text. Even a thumbs up/down is better than nothing.

Maybe people cba to spend their valuable "20 seconds" and spending any emotional thought to responding to needy demands via text.

Adult has a big birthday with a zero. During lockdown. So what. It's a bit bloody childish, let people give their good wishes in their own way FGS.

Not everybody looks at their phone every day, or month in my husband's case.

I find it rude too, I would never completely blank someone if the text me personally. If it was in a group chat and general message to all I would though.