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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To find it rude that people just don’t acknowledge texts?

159 replies

Ladyks · 16/04/2020 14:47

Basically that. Been trying to organize something (don’t want to say in case it’s outing) and have been messaging a lot of friends and some just flat out don’t respond? If you don’t want to participate, then fine, but why ignore the message full stop? It’s WhatsApp so I know these “friends” have read it. Some initially responded, and when I sent a reminder message (one reminder as they hadn’t participated yet, & the day before I needed it— & they knew about it for over a week from the original message), they just ignored it? I’m just frustrated & find it incredibly annoying, and no, it’s nothing that asked for money or anything complicated. Also seems to be my British friends more so than my American friends that just don’t ever respond. Is it cultural perhaps?? Just having a rant really, it’s hard to organize things. Thanks for making it this far.

OP posts:
Candyfloss99 · 16/04/2020 16:15

I'd usually say it's rude to not reply but to that text message I think people would find it so weird they wouldn't know what to reply so I'd forgive them for that.

dkanin · 16/04/2020 16:15

People not replying to texts really does annoy me, it comes across as rude. I always check through my phone every evening before I go to bed to see if there was anyone I should have replied to

CCaK · 16/04/2020 16:15

If I'm planning something - a night out or meal etc - I take the non responders as a "No" and therefore don't book to include them.

Re the PP thinking it's rude of her sister to not answer the phone if she doesn't want to - how is this rude? I do this all the time. If I don't want to chat then I won't. Presumably if it's urgent or they need something from me they'll leave a voicemail or text me.

Zucker · 16/04/2020 16:17

So a few have actually sent something then? I'd leave it at that you can't make people participate. For a regular party /invite youre always going to get a certain percentage dropping out, I'd leave it now and stop tormenting yourself with what other people aren't doing!

Fleamaker123 · 16/04/2020 16:22

This is what I hate about mobile phones. It's socially unacceptable now to be unavailable/not reply etc. to a text message!! I've got friends who don't reply... I just think oh they're busy/got something going on.. Doesn't offend in the slightest. If it was something important I would speak to them. In your case OP they obviously don't want to take part. That's fine isn't it?

Mintjulia · 16/04/2020 16:23

My ex has spent lockdown texting me and gets equally indignant, but I'm furloughed, and so spending most of my day teaching or gardening or redecorating.
My phone is not a priority, especially not a whatsapp or text. If someone rings to speak to me, I answer it but a text can wait.

I don't jump to attention if someone sends a message. I'm busy, not sitting waiting by the phone

dreamingbohemian · 16/04/2020 16:24

This feels like a problem from a previous era, one where not replying to birthday-related texts would be a cardinal sin.

I think it's really off to be annoyed with anyone for not replying to non-urgent texts right now. You have no idea what people are coping with. Just be happy with the messages you did get and move on.

Poppi89 · 16/04/2020 16:25

If anyone ignores my messages I always assume it's a no but they don't want to say it outright.

Original poster
Ladyks · 16/04/2020 16:25

Yes plenty have sent something, really happy with the amount actually. Just found it rude to be ignored & see the message has been read, and then said people to text into a group chat that they know I’m in... makes me think less of them to be honest. Clearly not a priority which is fine, but do people need to make it so obvious? I find it hurtful.

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 16/04/2020 16:26

Oh god. In principle I agree with you but I’m cringing about this specific example and changed my vote.

I’ve had a lockdown birthday as has my daughter and I’d have died if DH had asked people to do something like this. I had cards, emails and messages from lovely friends and family - off their own backs and without promoting which I took for granted.

Original poster
Ladyks · 16/04/2020 16:27

@Fleamaker123 yes it is fine, and not what I’m annoyed about.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ladyks · 16/04/2020 16:28

@AnneLovesGilbert that’s great, but people celebrate differently & like different things. If I knew you, I wouldn’t have messaged you to participate

OP posts:
Insideimsprinting · 16/04/2020 16:29

If its important I ring, if not I might text but to be honest it's just as quick to ring them leave voicemail if they don't answer.

One of my biggest annoyances with mobiles is that it's two easy to contact someone and expect a reply right now. I've had many occasions where people have contacted me for something they could have sorted themselves, or could have waited until they saw me or for a more convenient time but it was just easier for them to ring or text me. It boils my piss and makes me wonder how they'd cope if mobiles didn't exist.
People managed with urgent things before they existed, they still can manage without relying on an immediate responses now but they just dont want to.

browzingss · 16/04/2020 16:38

I think you sound a bit needy and intense.

I’m only in my early 20s and I don’t reply to texts immediately nor do I expect my friends to. It’s been a few years since we were in constant contact like that! Perhaps if if we’re immediately meeting up or someone is having a mini crisis then I’ll reply faster. In fact there’s a bit of an in-joke that I take a few working days to reply Grin

Something about general chit chat texting is slightly mentally taxing, you might think it’s a basic task but when you’re dealing with your own life stresses, working full time etc etc then it’s easy to forget to respond, completely without malice.

Surely part of being a mature adult is not holding grudges against your friends for minor things like slow replies, in the grand scheme it’s not that important and it doesn’t necessarily mean that your friend is being nasty towards you - particularly as we’re in the middle of a pandemic.

Waitinginthewings · 16/04/2020 16:41

I completely agree with you op.

ItsABitOfAShitFightMate · 16/04/2020 16:42

Years ago a guy contacted all his girlfriend’s friends to do video messages for her big birthday.

I felt under huge pressure to do it, and thought it was really cheeky of him to ask. Basically it made him look like the great guy, but everyone else did all the work.

You may not think you’re being demanding, but it’s the sort of request that can make people feel really awkward and obligated.

So my guess is that people who are too embarrassed to say no are just ignoring you. Just leave it now.

AnneLovesGilbert · 16/04/2020 16:43

If I knew you, I wouldn’t have messaged you to participate

Not sure what that means.

My point was I expect I’d wouldn’t have felt as touched by hearing from my friends if I knew they’d been chivvied into doing it by my husband.

Honeyroar · 16/04/2020 16:43

While I agree with replying to things in general, I disagree in this case. I’d feel obliged to say yes to your request but I wouldn’t know what to put and would dither about actually doing it. I’d much rather just send my own card or Facebook message to him without doing it en mass!

ItsACounty · 16/04/2020 16:47

I disagree op. If I don’t reply then I don’t want to do it/attend/whatever and I don’t want to get into a discussion about it.

alloutoffucks · 16/04/2020 16:48

At home and have not looked at my mobile phone for a week. It will need charging up.

dreamingbohemian · 16/04/2020 16:49

You really need to get some perspective on this OP

Thinking less of people for not replying to your text/request, given everything that's going on right now, is not reasonable. Are you not reading the news? Seeing everything that people are dealing with?

It's a mistake to take it personally or to think that people are trying to be hurtful. Especially when they are not even your own friends! Just let it go.

Original poster
Ladyks · 16/04/2020 16:50

@dreamingbohemian you didn’t read the whole thread

OP posts:
Original poster
Ladyks · 16/04/2020 16:51

@AnneLovesGilbert just that I would’ve known you wouldn’t be keen to do it, so I wouldn’t have bothered.

OP posts:
SpicedCamomile · 16/04/2020 16:52

Not acknowledging is rude, it’s so easy just to send a quick reply!

Not in this house - Pick up phone. It has been in another room all day while I have been working. "Oh a message from from Ladyks, she sent it this morning. Oh she wants me to record a video. God. OK, I need to think what to say. I will come back to this later.
Make dinner.
Eat dinner.
Wash up.
Oh yes I was supposed to do that thing. Where's my phone? Can't find it. "Mum can you do x/y/z?" "OK darling." I'll look for phone later.
Later. Has anyone seen my phone? Look for phone some more. Here it is under the sofa. I'll just...oh it's out of battery. Has anyone seen my phone charger?
Do some more stuff I need to do. See phone charger. Right yes, need to charge phone. Plug it in.
Do more stuff. Come back. Kids have unplugged my phone and plugged in theirs. Etc etc etc etc.

dreamingbohemian · 16/04/2020 16:55

Confused I did read the whole thread.

You asked friends of your DH to send a video message for his birthday. Some people did not reply, or said they would and then didn't.

You said you now think less of them and find it hurtful. I think that's unreasonable. Some people would find that request very cringe at any time, and not replying was their way of letting you know it's not the kind of thing they want to do. Some people have too much to cope with right now.

Either way, in the grand scheme of everything that's going on right now, it's nothing to get upset about.