To find it rude that people just don’t acknowledge texts?

[Ladyks]

Basically that. Been trying to organize something (don’t want to say in case it’s outing) and have been messaging a lot of friends and some just flat out don’t respond? If you don’t want to participate, then fine, but why ignore the message full stop? It’s WhatsApp so I know these “friends” have read it. Some initially responded, and when I sent a reminder message (one reminder as they hadn’t participated yet, & the day before I needed it— & they knew about it for over a week from the original message), they just ignored it? I’m just frustrated & find it incredibly annoying, and no, it’s nothing that asked for money or anything complicated. Also seems to be my British friends more so than my American friends that just don’t ever respond. Is it cultural perhaps?? Just having a rant really, it’s hard to organize things. Thanks for making it this far.

They don't want to do it though. It's cringeworthy and they are trying not to offend you but a "reminder" isn't necessary here.

I've just asked OH what him and his mates would think and he says he'd think I'd lost it, that they'd take the piss out of him forever and to remind you that it's only been 3 weeks

@Ladkys Millions of people are celebrating milestone events with no one to celebrate them. I'm not able to meet my newborn grandchild,my son won't be able to attend his prom or his high school graduation,won't be able to see me before Christmas i turn 50 in May 8, etc......I've had patients die without their family being able to say goodbye and no funeral. Life is shit right now. Understandably your husband birthday and your demand for a video message might not be their priority

Everyone was also free to call or text on their own terms in addition to this. & most have done that already. As I said, this was a whole plan I had explained in the original text.

@Leaannb again with the word demand....

@crustycrab has a very good point. My own 50 birthday is on May 8th I would not be pleased with my husband for making such a demand on my friends right now. They are stretched thin,overwhelmed and do not need anymore demands on them right now

Surely everyone forgets to respond to texts every now and then? It's human nature - you see the text, your child/dog/OH walks past and does something ridiculous, you engage with them and forget the text til you next go to text the person and realise you never replied? It's being human.

It's not something I can get worked up over - friends of mine have forgotten to reply to texts occasionally - I just don't see the point in being upset over it.

most adults aren't too bothered about the anniversary of their birth, an event in which they had little or no choice or participation beyond giving their mother an unpleasant few hours.

'demand' of participation is very likely to get you ignored in the UK. And it is also worth knowing that texts and wossup messages can actually fail. Technology is not 100% reliable. Amazing, eh?

@Ladyks Did they offer or did you ask? And then again with the remindet.If you were my husband I would be extremely upset with you. Extremely

Literally did not “demand”

@Leaannb thankfully I’m not.

Is it your husband's birthday today or tomorrow?
If so then I can see why you're a bit annoyed that they've said yes but haven't done it.

But if it is not for a few days then YABU as they've said they would do it and you said to have it the day before.

@Poppi it’s today. No response, not even a message or anything to my husband otherwise so far

"Everyone was also free to call or text on their own terms in addition to this" wow that's good of you.

Honestly, they don't want to film themselves and send it to you. And you can't get your head round that enough to stop being pissed off at them. It's just a birthday. People are dying without their families around them so I'm sure he'll cope his 40th passing by with his immediate family there to make a fuss.

Haha this is the exact same thing I’m dealing with at the moment! I find it incredibly rude, I don’t think there’s any excuse.

Not acknowledging is rude, it’s so easy just to send a quick reply!

@crustycrab it didn’t have to be a video. A few people made slideshows with old photos of my husband set to his old fav music. Some sent a video of their dog.

@PileofToss @fikel thank you, glad I’m not alone here

Hopefully they will message him later. With everything going on I think it’s easier to forget other people’s birthdays, I know I’ve relied on social media a little to remind it’s blah blah‘s birthday and then I’ve texted or called in the evening. My husband doesn’t text or call his friends on their birthdays and I never hear from male friends on mine, so possibly a gender divide?

eh, honestly I can see both sides of it. I agree with you it is quite rude when you've sent a text to someone and they just don't respond, to me it's a "basic manners" thing to at least give some sort of acknowledgement. Just like when I email a coworker on something necessary and they ignore it, etc. Irritating.

But then again I have done the exact same thing - ignoring of the texts. I have a certain friend, don't get me wrong I do like her but she is so intense. It's a "Hello" text at 8am and if I'm busy at work I might not get round to replying until 10:30 or so. Then in between that 2.5h it's "You around? How's it going. How is DD. Wow it's cold out today my DCs are going nuts. Did I lose ya?" or any sort of combination of the above. It is exhausting/irritating and honestly puts me off replying to any of the texts as I don't want another barrage of 5 texts in an hour's time whilst I'm busy.

Now I'm not saying that's the reason in your case at all but just illustrating that's why I've done it at times. Perhaps for some reason they feel a bit awkward about replying or just don't want to talk?

Perhaps these people feel a bit awkward to turn you down? I like my friends but I'm introverted, sometimes I just don't want to do anything and I don't want to offend someone who's invited me somewhere and I don't want the invitations to stop coming but sometimes I just want to be a hermit.

Anyway I get what you're saying though.

They are waiting to see (a) who else is going; and (b) whether they get a better offer for that date, before they reply to you.

And yes it is rude.

It didn't "have" to be anything. They didn't want to do it or they didn't get chance to. Or they forgot. These people are grown ups, they don't need reminding to take part in something they don't want to do.

Again, it's just a birthday. I'm sure he'll cope. The slide show to his fave music though 🙈🙈

RTFT @HopelessLayout

I think a quick video message of them saying happy birthday or a photo of them together that you can make into a slide show is a great idea!

I think it depends how you worded your message.

If you wanted them to spend ages putting together a big thing then I can see why they would be annoyed (everyone is under stress at the moment) but if it was just a quick video to say happy birthday - which they agreed to and now haven't done it then I would be really annoyed if I was you.

I think what is rude is them saying yes they will do it and then not doing it.

I often do not reply promptly to texts.

I often have a lot going on that, if I started to talk / text about it would be stressful and go on and on for ages.

My closest friends are similarly tardy / busy and facing challenges.

I get more annoyed by people who text you all the time and expect you to reply promptly. IME if you text them back promptly another text follows straight away and then I end up losing time texting over stuff I don't have time for.

The ability to deal with tardy texting works as an effective friend triage for me