To think more women would stay single if it wasn't for societal pressure

[penelopepitstopsgain]

When you consider women live longer when single, are less likely to suffer mental, emotional and physical distress (16 women and children have been murdered to date since lockdown in the UK) there is a strong public health case that staying single is better for women; yet society often frowns on it and other women often"pity" single women.

FWIW i'm in a LTR, but I've never had an issue being single... in many cases it's been preferable for my peace of mind!

On here you see it time and time again.. women hanging on to the lowest forms of life sometimes with horrific consequences for them and their children, all for that dreaded fear of being alone and it got me thinking..

If there was a PR campaign that positioned being single as the healthy option it is, more women would be brave enough to opt out.

YABU - Women want relationships and society has no influence

YANBU - If single was the norm more women would make that choice

I love being single. The only stupid thing I've come across is when other women refuse to involve you in events because they think you will steal their husband; I've been told at social events that tables are for married couples only. That says more about them than me, I leave them to it as they aren't the sort of people I want to waste my time on. I had the last laugh as one of them got divorced and texted me for support, I declined to help.

May I ask @Annamaria14, where do you find men who are okey with the no sex part?

I agree op.
I think there is huge pressure on young women to settle down, have children and get married, although the pressure to get married seems to have lessened.
I think women without children are often judged.
Single women are judged too.
Personally I couldn't care less if someone is single, has children etc. I just don't care.
There is also huge economic pressure for women.
It is hard to run a house alone even more so if you have children to support.

It's a shame that using a sperm donor isn't more socially acceptable.
It's not long ago that unmarried women were punished for having children.

@Youcanstay I meet them at hiking groups, art groups, dancing groups. At this stage of my life, I don't wait for men to approach me,

I have got more empowered in that way too - I ask some of them out.

I say what I am interested in, dating (no sex). You would be surprised how many men want the same thing! You just need to be clear about what you want

@emilybrontescorsett I'm single and mid-30's, so considering all of my future options at the moment. Personally, I couldn't care less whether sperm donor is socially acceptable or not. I really don't care what people think of me, but maybe this is unusual. However, it's the practical issues which cause me to question the sperm donor option. I don't viably see how I could afford to raise a child and afford a mortgage by myself, let alone take on all the night feeds alone, etc.

So really, if I want children I feel like I'm almost forced to find a man and get married. Some might argue that marriage isn't necessary, but when there are children involved I think it is. It provides a legal framework so that your children are protected in case of all eventualities.

Maybe the solution is not to have children at all?

@Annamaria14 wow, thank you for answering. That sound really great!

I was married. I am now single and getting no societal pressure to couple up. Maybe it's because I'm nearly 60. But nobody seems to care about my marital status, nobody even asks.

Interesting thread.

I'm married but childfree by choice and it's taken a while for me to come to terms with it because of societal pressure. I've had counselling for it.

I've been judged lots and in my experience women have been the worst for that- my DH doesn't get half the comments I have.

I've also been excluded by close friends because 'I'm not a mum' even by my best mate which hurts.

We should all love each other for who we are more.

The woman's likelihood of being murdered increases.

Oh give over, none of my friends have been murdered by their husbands over the years, maybe the odds go up from 1 in a million to 1 in 900000 or something but is hardly a big deal to avoid getting married for

BubblyBarbara

Anything else 10% more likely would be a public health alert.

But unsurprisingly, it isn't 10%.

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-51491021

48% of all murders of women were by domestic homicide, 38% by a partner or ex partner. That other 10% will be the collateral damage, children, murdered woman's own mother, an adult daughter in the household. So almost twice as likely to be murdered in relstion to your own relstionship or that of a member of your household.

This is fine.

I plan to really reinforce to my daughter that she doesn't have to have a LTR, she doesn't have to have kids - as long as she's happy with her situation, I'm happy. I think it would make a lot of difference to women's prospects if we didn't reinforce it as much.

I'm someone who might have been happy single but I think my mum did rather inculcate in me the idea I wouldn't be happy without a partner and kids, and she meant well and I am very happy with my family, but I'm not going to give my daughter that message.

So 36% of the 38% of women of about 670 murdered people each year are murdered by their partner. That’s 92 women a year. Out of what 10 million married women? Getting married does not increase your chance of getting murdered FFS and is no Reason to avoid marriage.

and is no Reason to avoid marriage

You’re wrong. Any reason why a person decides against marriage is perfectly valid.

I think there's actually way more pressure to remain single . As a divorced woman in my mid 39s with kids it's almost taboo to even consider seeing someone again .

Mid 30s sorry

I totally get that don't get me wrong. But just imagine what life is like with your best friend right now, how you get on so much with her and you can talk and talk for hours about the littlest thing. With men you can't do that, and you're more likely to get cheated on too. It helps me to think about those things x

@KathyBriggs360 My best friend is male .....

OH GOD BASTARD WINE! I’ve just seen the “not” in the post I’ve just quoted and now I’m a massive bitch. I’m so sorry.

@user1473878824 No worries: wine is good

Singledom isn’t the answer because lots of women have a maternal instinct and statistically kids do better when both parents are around.
Yes but at what cost @Wearywithteens ? I guess the point that's been raised is that a lot of factors affect whether we choose to couple up however we rarely consider the fact that being single for women is in many cases a healthy option - it's almost seen as a losers prize (an oxymoron i know).

I know the chances of being murdered is low but it's all the other stuff that can affect mental health. I've seen amazingly, confident women reduced to shells of themselves as they spend half their life fretting as to why their partner is acting a certain way or what he's up to.
When I've been single I've also been amazed at the amount of headspace I gain!
I too am educating my daughters that being single is perfectly fine and in many cases preferable to a miserable, but socially acceptable, existence.

Interestingly, I think it is exactly women who put pressure on each other to get married and -especially- have children. Sometimes men can pressurise women too but the women outdo them. I think women lie and pretend a lot to each other and even to themselves about a lot of things, including marital bliss and having kids. Because it is embarrassing to admit that your marriage is unhappy or raising kids is a drain and not what you expected. It all stems from brainwashing from the day we are born. Some of us were better at being brainwashed, some of us weren’t. But the bottomline is, the vast majority of women see their value in being wanted by a man for a wife and mother.
It’s like female genital mutilation. In societies where it is practised it is exactly women who do it to their own daughters and granddaughters. The men never perform this ritual, at least not that I am aware of it. If all women stopped doing that shit to each other, it would be eradicated and there would be nothing the men could do about it.

Thanks Anna
Very interesting to know that a lot of men are happy to have sex-free, romantic relationships. I am in a long-term one myself, but happy to know that if we break up, I could have a(nother) sex-free boyfriend easier than I thought.

@julybaby32 that is completely untrue. You are worth as much as anybody else

I tend to agree that the happiest older women 40+ are the single by choice ones. The ones who want a find man or are dating seem the most miserable.
I also think that women who are more than their marriage do ok. I have a couple of female friends with very successful careers and their husbands take a back seat as either house husbands or just very low key.

@BamShamAlam many women do not have children