To think more women would stay single if it wasn't for societal pressure

[penelopepitstopsgain]

When you consider women live longer when single, are less likely to suffer mental, emotional and physical distress (16 women and children have been murdered to date since lockdown in the UK) there is a strong public health case that staying single is better for women; yet society often frowns on it and other women often"pity" single women.

FWIW i'm in a LTR, but I've never had an issue being single... in many cases it's been preferable for my peace of mind!

On here you see it time and time again.. women hanging on to the lowest forms of life sometimes with horrific consequences for them and their children, all for that dreaded fear of being alone and it got me thinking..

If there was a PR campaign that positioned being single as the healthy option it is, more women would be brave enough to opt out.

YABU - Women want relationships and society has no influence

YANBU - If single was the norm more women would make that choice

Im married, but if we were to split or he passed away, I have no dobt I'd stay single. Relationships can be hard work, I would much rather focus on myself if this ended.

I was married for 10 years, am now (7 years) single with DD6 and DDog9, have no desire to ever be in a relationship again and have never felt happier. I've had to learn to stand on my own too feet, how to do all the bloke stuff I'd never been allowed to do before, control all our money, make all the decisions.
I firmly believe single mothers are presented In a negative light by men, in order to control women. I grudge the time I wasted fading around with men purely because this was the expected standard of behaviour.

It's only relatively recently that women could be single independently. I'm sure you couldn't get a mortgage as a woman 30-50 years ago, and you go back further and women were property of their fathers then husbands. Add in difficulty getting further education and jobs, and making a suitable marriage was an economic choice as well as a personal one.

While there is still social pressure to get married, a lot of that is from long term practical reasons that haven't entirely vanished.

You absolutely could get a mortgage as a single woman 30 years ago.

We were also having casual sex 30 years ago, despite what some posters think

I'm sure you couldn't get a mortgage as a woman 30-50 years ago

30 years ago.. you know that's 1990, not 1919

There is undoubtedly pressure on people to pair up, and probably there would be slightly fewer LTRs without that, but I think fundamentally humans have an instinct to seek a partner and most relationships would still happen. Certainly I would still want to be with my DH.

I think it only reflects on the daftness of women and how they are unable/unwilling to live their lives alone, without a man, even if it makes them unhappy and miserable. And these women call themselves strong, haha! It’s actually a terrible weakness.
Only stay with a man if it positively enhances your life.

I'm sure you couldn't get a mortgage as a woman 30-50 years ago

30 years ago.. you know that's 1990, not 1919

The further back end of this date range is correct, though women were routinely refused mortgages without a male guarantor in the 70s and into the 80s. And until 1990, a married woman's income was routinely taxed under her husband's tax code it wasn't until after this that married women had the right to be taxed as separate individuals, not subsidiaries of their husbands.

I think it only reflects on the daftness of women

What a stupid and misogynistic comment.

@DysonFury I hear you and I too have had my greatest stages of personal growth and development when there's been no one else around to do it . From removing spiders (I used to suffer from extreme arachnophobia) to renovating an entire house -I marvel at some of the things I did when I was single that I would have never have done if I was coupled up because the man typically takes charge.

I also sometimes reflect on celebrity women whose lives might have been considerably better if they were single - Whitney Houston and Amy Whitehouse spring to mind - and don't get me started on Katie Price!

Ok, timescale may be wrong, but certainly there are many older ladies still around today who didn't have the choices available now, and even when they did, it was considered odd to make those choices, hence the pressure to marry.

I got a mortgage as a single woman in the mid 1980s as did many of my friends.....it wasn't seen as unusual.

I think it only reflects on the daftness of women and how they are unable/unwilling to live their lives alone, without a man, even if it makes them unhappy and miserable. And these women call themselves strong, haha! It’s actually a terrible weakness

How exhausting to be so tone deaf that you don’t see the nuances of situations.

I think there’s lots of different sides to this. Some people are just more needy and always want to have someone around, whereas others are much more introvert and happy to be alone.

Then there’s children. Lots of women feel a biological urge to have them and don’t want their kids coming from a “broken home”. Sperm donation is also seen as quite unusual and people don’t want to be judged and questioned for doing something out of the ordinary. Plus it’s hard to raise kids on a single wage. This was something I considered when I was single but decided it was too much to take on by myself.

Then there’s the factor of wealth and ambition. Women who are higher educated and earn well tend to get married later and that’s probably party because they don’t need a man from a financial point of view - to buy a house, to afford nice things etc.

So if you’re a single, wealthy, introverted woman who doesn’t want kids then you’re much less likely to mind being single than if you’re a needy, low-earning extrovert who’s desperate for kids.

But I do think everyone apart from the absolute strongest does feel the societal pressure, even if it’s from not wanting to be the “odd one out” in a friendship group. Most people hear comments, from the older generation and our own, and struggle with being a third or fifth wheel too.

I’m happily married so I happen to think that relationships are great for those that want them (and not at all essential for those that don’t), but what I really hate seeing is women with low self-esteem settling for absolute wasters just because they think a bad relationship is better than no relationship. These are women who I think are badly affected by the pressure and would benefit from a PR campaign! Would probably be best delivered to teenagers though, as I think the patterns start right from first relationships.

I think many women are expected to get married by their family and also pressured to have children. Certainly in the past women were far less likely to have a well paid job to support themselves. As late as possibly the 1970s (I think) women were expected to leave their job, even good ones like teaching when they got married.

Pumpkinp you said "I wouldn't enjoy sleeping with loads of different men, that's me though. If you do then good for you. I don't think it can be serious with all of them though?!"

I don't have sex with any of them. I don't want sex. Times are changing and there are loads of different ways for men and women to interact now.

I wanted to date different men at the same time, and I just found men that wanted the same thing as me: want to date - go to movies/dinner/fun things together and kiss, but not have sex. Not everyone wants sex! Many people like dating without sex. I have been seeing some of these men for a long time, we all know that we see other people, and we all have a great time. I genuinely care and love about them, and they do me.

I think that alot of mini relationships - is so much easier than one relationship. One person cannot fill your every need.

I think that is another area that women have been controlled in, in the past. That we should be having sex alot. And that - if we date, we have to have lots of sex with the man, and if we get in a relationship, we owe the man alot of sex. Just becaus he is in in a relationship with us.
When of course that is wrong. When we of course have the right to choose for ourselves.

That was another reason that I didn't like relationships, because when I was in some relationships when I was younger - some of my boyfriends would push me into having sex when I didn't want to. So I thought it was better to stay single.

Then I met an older woman who really helped me. She told me that there was a man that really liked her, and he asked her out. She said that she would only go out with him, if they just did the dates and tomance side, that she did not want to have sex. And he agreed. And they have been together for a long time now, and they are very happy.

She gave me more confidence to state exactly what I want with men: no sex, but i want the romance/ dates/ kisses/ caring of each other, and I have found men that want the same thing.

*romance

I don’t see the point in men if there’s no sex!

Might as well go to the cinema etc with a woman!

@verily1 what about kisses? Dating? Romance? You can do all that with a man without sex. I know of plenty of other people who don't want to have sex too, men and women.

We don't HAVE to have sex. If you want it great, if you don't want it - that is another perfectly valid choice.

I love the variances of human nature. I don’t want dating or romance or companionship but I do want sex

@mariequeenofscots good for you! :) I love hearing about people doing what makes them happy.

❤️

I don't want sex - not because I was born not wanting sex, but many of us (especially women) go through many terrible times in our lives. I was raped too many times in the past.

I don't want sex again because I simply can't have sex without fear, but I still love dating and romance.

I’m just not a romantic person I suppose.

Kissing would frustrate me if it could never go beyond that.

Romance is what getting flowers/ chocolates? I buy them for myself.

Dating? If I want to go out for a meal/ to a show/ concert/ cinema etc I’d rather go with a female friend than a man.

I’ll admit I’ve never really ‘dated’ I don’t see the point.

If I fancy someone I can’t do what I want to do in a cinema