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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Going out almost everyday - not essential

165 replies

Justasking321 · 14/04/2020 02:04

Me and my 2 kids have followed lockdown rules since this all started. Stayed indoors and have only gone out to buy food once a week. Friend I know with 1 child has never adhered to the guidance and gone out almost everyday day, shopping, park, out with friends, etc.. I have told her as well since the beginning of all this that I won't be doing playdates till this is all over. We've kept our distance. Was talking on the phone and I asked her what she was doing today. She said nothing just going for a walk (with her dc). Her ds and my ds have a quick chat on the phone and her dc tells mine, "We're going in the car to (friends) house. I'm going to play at his house". So she lied to me and her dc said what the real plan was. I don't know why she lied. She even went to visit her parents at the weekend an hours drive away because she had not seen them in ages. I can't believe she lied to me and feel different towards her now, even more so because they are putting other people's lives at risk by going out whenever they feel like it because according to her "they are sociable people and have no symptoms" 😟
AIBU- get over it and move on
IANBU- she lied and Is still not following government guidelines. Keep my distance friendship wise.

OP posts:
BarbaraofSeville · 14/04/2020 07:10

You're allowed out daily for a walk or other exercise. There's also no limit on the number of times you can go shopping. There is no definition of 'as infrequently as possible' and if there was, it would probably be more often than once a week, eg 2 or 3 times is fine if you have run out of essentials, especially if they were out of stock the last time you went.

However, visiting parents or other households is not allowed, you're right about that one. She lied because she knew that was wrong.

FTMF30 · 14/04/2020 07:16

She's been selfish, irresponsible and the fact that she lied would top it off for me.

It winds me up when people do this. My child is being deprived of so much social interaction and stimulation at the moment, yet we have people like your froend just doing whatever's the hell they want.

ShootsFruitAndLeaves · 14/04/2020 07:18

Your title doesn't match your post, so I voted yabu, because this is annoying.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 14/04/2020 07:19

I take my DS out every day, on walks and to the supermarket twice a week (no choice there, I'm a single parent and don't have a car so can only carry so much shopping). We don't have a garden and I'm not going to stay locked up in the house, we're allowed out for exercise.

YANBU about the meeting friends and family though, she shouldn't be doing that.

Yellowsubmarinedreams · 14/04/2020 07:21

YABU let her crack on, there's no need to be so dramatic

MeerkatMolly · 14/04/2020 07:21

Agree with what @FTMF30 says. We live on a large development that has a shop on it and I would say the majority of the people on our road go at least once a day to buy things, they have even been visiting it just to buy ice creams as the weather has been good. It’s disgraceful. As for visiting friends houses? Absurd.

shinyredbus · 14/04/2020 07:24

We go out once a day with the kids and the dogs.

QuimJongUn · 14/04/2020 07:25

Of course you can go out every day. The 'lockdown rules' are not to stay in indefinitely with only one trip a week for food. Why do you think they are? Unless someone in your household is vulnerable there's absolutely no need to stay in for weeks on end. DC especially could probably do with some time out of the house.

All this competitive lockdown stuff is utterly ridiculous.

Smileyaxolotl1 · 14/04/2020 07:27

Your friend is a stupid, selfish idiot as are the friends she is visiting.
She’s lied as she knows you (and anyone who isn’t a complete moron) would disagree with her.
The going out is a lot is not in the spirit of the guidelines but not actually breaking them but the visiting friends is obviously completely
Unacceptable.

Dyrne · 14/04/2020 07:29

YABU for being annoyed with her for going out for walks or to the park with her DC, that’s perfectly acceptable.

YANBU to be upset at her ignoring social distancing and going round people’s houses.

QuimJongUn · 14/04/2020 07:31

The going out is a lot is not in the spirit of the guidelines but not actually breaking them

Why do people keep talking about 'the spirit of the guidelines'? There is no 'spirit'. There is what's set down in law. And that is that you can go out to buy food, medicine and for exercise. Even if all of the above require separate trips. No loopholes needed, no 'spirit', the Actual Law.

Phifedean123 · 14/04/2020 07:34

Visiting friends is not on but going out everyday is okay just maybe not her reasons. I go out everyday with my two year old for a walk as we have no garden and he's climbing the walls. Although we don't go to the park anymore just a quiet walk through woodland

Smileyaxolotl1 · 14/04/2020 07:35

quim
I slightly misread what the OP said.
While exercise everyday is fine therenn bin us bc nearly no need for anyone to shop every day therefore if she is it is not in the spirit of the law.
And of course there is such a thing as the spirit of the law- it’s even been quoted in court cases (I don’t mean around corona, just generally) . Look it up in the dictionary and educate yourself.

Sadie789 · 14/04/2020 07:37

Stop worrying about what everyone else is doing. Worry about your own family. You can keep them safe without needing to have anything to do with anyone else.

Blueblackrose · 14/04/2020 07:39

You should be taking your dc put everyday for a walk, cycle or scoot as it will do them good - if you've not been doing that you should start to do so today

Visiting people is wrong and not allowed but she knows this.

Macncheeseballs · 14/04/2020 07:39

Your friend is a twat

QuimJongUn · 14/04/2020 07:42

@Smileyaxolotl1

Look it up in the dictionary and educate yourself

I'll be sure to do that.

You're very privileged if you think there's no need to shop every day. Some people don't drive, have large families or are older/disabled and cannot carry large amounts of groceries every time they shop. People may need to shop for others as well as themselves. Guidelines say that shopping trips should be kept to a minimum - for some, that may be once a fortnight. For others, it may be five or six times a week.

Last week, for example, I had to make four separate trips to shops in one day. It was essential. And absolutely lawful.

Smileyaxolotl1 · 14/04/2020 07:44

quim - and did you have to go to the shops every day for days after that?

Magenta82 · 14/04/2020 07:45

YABU for not taking your children out for exercise, it isn't healthy. Take them for a walk or a bike ride or something, find some grass and let ghfm run around to burn off some steam!

vanillandhoney · 14/04/2020 07:46

Stayed indoors and have only gone out to buy food once a week.

You can go out daily for one of four reasons: - work (when this cannot be done from home)

  • exercise - alone or with members of your household.
  • shopping, although this should be as infrequently as possible
  • to provide care for a vulnerable person

Nothing in the guidelines states you must only shop once a week and stay inside the rest of the time. I've been going out daily to walk the dog.

Perfidy · 14/04/2020 07:48

It isn’t shop once a week, it’s going out to buy essentials. That could be more than once a week, you may need medicine, you can go out for that, you may have an essential journey, like shopping for a vulnerable person and dropping it off, you can go out and exercise once a day, that can be longer than an hour.

You can sit in your garden, you are allowed to have a laugh.

But you can’t hang out with people outside of your household.

Leflic · 14/04/2020 07:49

Well she lied because it’s clearly against the rules and she doesn’t want you/ to put you in the position of grassing her up.
Obviously she shouldn’t be seeing her parents. but she is allowed to help them if vulnerable . It’s up to her parents to tell her not to come and likewise the family she has the play organised with.

Personally cut ties with her for now. You can be honest and just say that you are finding it hard to explain the constant rule breaking to the kids or it’s better if she’s breaking the rules that you don’t know about it.
You can pick it up again after it’s over.

QuimJongUn · 14/04/2020 07:51

@Smileyaxolotl1 pretty much, yes. I'm going to the shop roughly four or five times a week, sometimes more often if I need to. What of it?

Ragwort · 14/04/2020 07:56

Just live your life and don’t over invest in what your friend does, all the competitive ‘staying in’ is getting very tedious.

I go out every day for a long walk and shop most days as I am looking after a few vulnerable and elderly neighbours plus involved in a volunteering project which involves going to shops (Food Bank). I hope none of my neighbours are Mumsnet curtain twitchers.

Leflic · 14/04/2020 07:57

QuimJongUn

Actually the main message is Stay at Home. The exercise, shopping and other exemptions are just that.
You are allowed out but if you are more out than at home you are doing it wrong.