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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Going out almost everyday - not essential

165 replies

Justasking321 · 14/04/2020 02:04

Me and my 2 kids have followed lockdown rules since this all started. Stayed indoors and have only gone out to buy food once a week. Friend I know with 1 child has never adhered to the guidance and gone out almost everyday day, shopping, park, out with friends, etc.. I have told her as well since the beginning of all this that I won't be doing playdates till this is all over. We've kept our distance. Was talking on the phone and I asked her what she was doing today. She said nothing just going for a walk (with her dc). Her ds and my ds have a quick chat on the phone and her dc tells mine, "We're going in the car to (friends) house. I'm going to play at his house". So she lied to me and her dc said what the real plan was. I don't know why she lied. She even went to visit her parents at the weekend an hours drive away because she had not seen them in ages. I can't believe she lied to me and feel different towards her now, even more so because they are putting other people's lives at risk by going out whenever they feel like it because according to her "they are sociable people and have no symptoms" 😟
AIBU- get over it and move on
IANBU- she lied and Is still not following government guidelines. Keep my distance friendship wise.

OP posts:
eaglejulesk · 14/04/2020 07:57

There is nothing wrong with going out for a walk every day, it's healthy.

However, visiting friends is another matter - and her lying shows she knows she is doing wrong.

myusernamewastakenbyme · 14/04/2020 08:03

Mind your own business....so many sticky beaks on mumsnet !!!

QuimJongUn · 14/04/2020 08:03

@Leflic nobody said anything about being out more than being at home.

The message is stay at home - apart from essential trips for food, medication, caring purposes, work where it's unavoidable and exercise. To be fair, for many people all those taken together would mean they're out more than in, anyway.

MadameMeursault · 14/04/2020 08:05

@QuimJongUn

Why do people keep talking about 'the spirit of the guidelines'? There is no 'spirit'. There is what's set down in law. And that is that you can go out to buy food, medicine and for exercise. Even if all of the above require separate trips. No loopholes needed, no 'spirit', the Actual Law.

Actually the law and the guidelines say different things. For example, in the guidelines exercising once a day is mentioned but the regulations just saw you can go out for exercise, no restriction as to the number of times (unless you live in Wales where it is once per day).

Smileyaxolotl1 · 14/04/2020 08:06

quim
I appreciate that if, as seems the case with you, you have a large family and are also shopping for loads of other people without transport (seems strange but obviously up to you) you may need to shop more often but for the vast majority of people one or two shops a week would work and would fit the guidelines.
For disabled people for instance who may only be able to carry a small amount of shopping there are other options such as delivery in a vulnerable spot or volunteers.
The overall aim is to reduce the amount of people going out especially where they can have contact.
Bearing in mind the OPs friend is breaking the guidelines all the time It seems likely that she is not just going to the ‘shop for Essentials as infrequently as possible’ doesn’t it?

starsparkle08 · 14/04/2020 08:07

Wind your neck in

Shoxfordian · 14/04/2020 08:08

She shouldn't be going to visit people

It's a good opportunity to think if you really want to be friends with someone so selfish

SuitedandBooted · 14/04/2020 08:11

Visiting friends is wrong.

Going out every day ( and being careful about social distancing) is fine, encouraged and a good way to keep healthy. You need exercise to stay fit and and it help top up your vitamin D.

Read the actual legislation, not Facebook.

littlebirdieblue · 14/04/2020 08:12

So sick of these posts

Not everyone is able to get a weeks worth of shopping in one go, I certainly can't. I have to go every 3 days, I do t drive and I'm a single mum.
I go out nearly everyday for a walk with my children, we all need it not just for the fitness part of exercise, but for the mental wellbeing too.

No she shouldn't be visiting friends or family, that's wrong. But honestly what can you do about it......nothing.

Smileyaxolotl1 · 14/04/2020 08:12

myuser ‘sticky beak*
You really are pathetic.
The OPs friend is risking the lives of her children, her friends and any key worker who
Comes into contact with her as well as possibly preventing someone who has followed the guidelines from accessing a ventilator.
The OP has every right to both have an opinion and to tell her friend what she thinks of her illegal behaviour.
When people clearly break the guidelines at the moment it affects everyone.

QuimJongUn · 14/04/2020 08:16

@Smileyaxolotl1 I'm disabled but I don't have a large family (there's three of us). None of us drive and DH is wfh all hours so the shopping is my job at the moment, and I can only carry so much each time I go. I have a disabled bus pass but obviously I'm not using public transport at the moment, so I have to walk to and from the shop - most I can carry is a couple of smallish bags. So yes, a minimum of four times a week is what I can get away with.

I don't shop for others and I'm not elderly but some people do/are. I was using them as an example of why some may need to shop more regularly. There's also the issue of shortages - my mega shopping expedition came about because I couldn't find my pain relief medication in three of the four shops I visited.

Don't forget too that people need to top up meters, which involves a trip to a cashpoint and a further trip to the shop to top up.

For disabled people for instance who may only be able to carry a small amount of shopping there are other options such as delivery in a vulnerable spot or volunteers

Where do you suggest one night find a delivery slot? I've been trying for weeks with no joy. As for volunteers, surely there's more of a risk involved there? Same amount of shopping trips as if you'd gone yourself, but also adding another person into the mix.

I don't know about the OP's friend. Perhaps the OP doesn't know her full circumstances either. This whole thing has been a wonderful opportunity for the pant-hoikers of MN to truly shine.

Smileyaxolotl1 · 14/04/2020 08:19

littlebirdieblue I don’t get why you are sick of these posts.
You are clearly following the guidelines. OPs friend is not. Why shouldn’t she be pissed off with her?
Or do you just mean that the OP doesn’t need to write on here because her friend is obviously unreasonable?

Rebellenny · 14/04/2020 08:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TinyTear · 14/04/2020 08:21

your friend is selfish and you are a martyr

HTH

Nocaloriesinchocolate · 14/04/2020 08:21

I’m ridiculously excited about going food shopping this morning for the first time in nearly a week. It feels like being let out of prison on parole!

EndlessUserName · 14/04/2020 08:22

Yabu - you can't control what she does. Think about the things you can control (ie what you.do)

Strugglingtodomybest · 14/04/2020 08:23

Going out almost everyday - not essential

I disagree.

I don't know why she lied.

Probably because she knew she was in the wrong and possibly didn't want to get told so by you?

I haven't voted because no one can tell you how to feel about this, but I would recommend a bit of both, ie get over it because really it's nothing to do with you but, at the same time, you obviously don't like this friend very much at the moment, so I would back off from her a bit if talking to her upsets you.

hepburnmed · 14/04/2020 08:25

She is visiting people which isn’t on. Distance her as a friend she’s being really irresponsible.

The rest of it - let it go!

JinglingHellsBells · 14/04/2020 08:26

You know what I'm finding more scary that the virus?
Posters here being confused over what is allowed.
If half the country is thinking like this, is it any wonder we are in a mess?

OP your friend is breaking lockdown rules and I'd speak to her on it.

The laws around movement are online and they usually read them every night on the 10 o clock news and as 'adverts' in between programmes.
Why are people still confused?

-You can exercise daily alone or with family in the same house.
-You can go out for shopping, (but not for a daily trip- only when essential so most people can surely manage 2-3 times a week at most.)
-You can go out for drs or hospital appts
-You can go out to buy medicines

If you go out anywhere you are to keep at least 2 metres away from people in the street or shops.

You cannot make unnecessary car trips and certainly not to visit friends or family, or to take exercise because you ought to do that close to home.

You cannot continue to go on holidays in the UK, even if booked, as this is not classed as essential travel.

hannabarbera · 14/04/2020 08:27

I go for walks twice a day. Yesterday i went to get some shopping. And i did some gardening and drank beer in the garden.

Today ill go get shipping for my dad. And go for walks. My daughters go for walks.

Being indoors is not healthy.

Splitsunrise · 14/04/2020 08:27

@BarbaraofSeville actually, as other people have said, the gov.uk website does very clearly say you should go shopping as infrequently as possible:

  1. When am I allowed to leave the house?
You should only leave the house for very limited purposes:

shopping for basic necessities, for example food and medicine, which must be as infrequent as possible

QuimJongUn · 14/04/2020 08:30

@Splitsunrise for some, 'infrequently as possible' may be once a fortnight. For others, it may be almost daily. Everyone's needs will be different.

JinglingHellsBells · 14/04/2020 08:30

@QuimJongUn Do you not have access to online food deliveries? Is your disability covered by the government 'at risk' guidelines so you could get a priority slot? Do you have any family or friends who could shop for you?
I do think even if your DH works from home he ought to step up a bit. He's surely got a lunch break or he could shop later in the day.

SallyWD · 14/04/2020 08:30

Meeting up with others is not allowed. Going out for a daily walk is allowed.

Splitsunrise · 14/04/2020 08:33

@QuimJongUn Of course there will be some circumstances where you have to go more frequently than others, but I was replying to a pp who said there was nothing in the guidance about going as infrequently as possible.