Female 'friend' sent this to DH - can anyone translate from Polish?

[tippingpoint14]

So, my husband has a female friend. Big deal, he has many. I've never had a problem with his female friends. Ever. In fact, I've become friends with all the others. Love them to bits.

Until this one. She's also married and something about her jars with me. Then this popped up on his phone yesterday. He had sent her a picture of our son excited about Easter eggs. She replied with this meme, followed by the word for "sweetie" in Polish with hug emoji.

If someone out there speaks fluent Polish, please translate and let me know AIBU to feel uncomfortable with this woman sending this sort of thing to my husband. Much appreciated.

The likelihood is, she received the meme, thought it was amusing, forwarded to your DH.
Then saw the pic of your DS and replied.

Nothing about this seems like she wants your DH to leave his family with/for her.

Is this the only meme she has ever sent him? I'm receiving more videos and memes than ever since lockdown started

In reply to some of the other comments, yes Polish women are generally flirty but I think that’s a cultural thing. Flatter the man, the man is the head of the household etc I’ve seen it with my DHs grandmother and great aunts, and I’ve seen it with his cousins.

The abundant hospitality too, I would compare it to my limited knowledge of Asian families. The full table, so you can show to your guests your generosity and that you are able to provide a welcoming atmosphere and vice versa, the requirement to eat and drink something even if you have just eaten elsewhere so you don’t offend your hosts. It’s an element of respect. At first, I felt under pressure, but fifteen years on, I realise it’s a cultural thing.

I get how the usage of Polish would annoy you too. We had one male friend who did it too, and eventually I said to him that it’s considered rude to do so, whereas he thought he was being polite because he thought the topic of conversation would bore me. Now he’s one of my favourite guests.

various Polish speakers have come on the thread to confirm there's nothing flirty about the meme, but lots of posters seem determined to ignore this

The OP is suspicious of this woman. So when she sends a meme in Polish she wants it translated. Native Polish speakers have indeed confirmed that the meme itself is innocent. So what we're left with is what prompted the OP's concerns in the first place. The meme didn't cause the suspicion, something else did, and that's what posters are talking about.

Yeah. It looks like the meme and comment themselves were pretty innocent.

However, OP seems to have good reason to distrust the intentions of this woman. From her latest update I am fairly surprised she trusts her husband so much. I am trying to think of why there might ever be a situation where it is necessary to share a bed with a friend (opposite sex or not).

Interesting thread (with the nuances of translation).

@tippingpoint14 you are not being unreasonable at all

The translation conundrum aside, she has cast you in a role of ball breaking wife so that she can delude herself your husband is a single male pal available to fan her ego.

I'd shine a light back on her behavior

''I feel like you're so warm and hospitable to my husband, so warm and solicitous to his mother even - and yet so cold to me. Is that your intention?'

If she says ''oh no, no, no'' just take her at her word and say ''I'm so glad''.

But she'll have been put on notice.

They shared a bed?!

They shared a bed?!

No, he’s shared a bed with other female friends but apparently that’s fine 🤷‍♀️

Same, my partner is polish. If this was sent to him i would ask him to translate, which he would.
Unfortunately i have built up a bit of a suspicion about particular women (yes pretty much polish) as ive had instances before of them flirting and totally blanking me. Had a bit of a problem with his ex polish gf when we first got together but that's all sorted now. Totally trust him, its the disrespect from other women that gets me wound up when they know you are married/together etc

im the type of person that will let things slide a few times, but keep pushing your luck and i'll make it very clear that the behaviour is not acceptable and it stops now.

It's dodgy for sure. The photo is too suggestive for it not to be.

@lonelySam In other words, you have no respect?!?

Did he show you the meme or did you go through his phone to find it?

Are you going through his phone to see if he's doing things? Like deleting messages?

Imo you want there to be an issue, you really don't like this woman and it comes across blazingly obvious. People speaking in another language especially when they're fluent isn't a big deal tbh and is very common. Even if they can speak English.

If you're going through his phone you blatantly don't trust your DH and that should be what you're focusing on not a meme you've been told is fine.

I think it’s funny, joking that people living together can’t wait to getting away in the future, from each other!
I don’t think it’s what you would send if trying to be flirtatious

@HavenDilemma that’s so fucking rude when it’s just been explained that’s it’s a cultural difference. That’s like me saying all western women are uptight, controlling and intrusive.

The meme itself isn't a concern.
Slodziak would have referred to your son.

Polish people tend to be quite cold to people they don't know very well and more affectionate to friends/family in comparison. The man is still sometimes fretted over more as the culture can be a bit old fashioned. However bringing together everything you have written I would be a bit wary.

Also if she's not very hospitable to you I would find that very rude. My friend who is Polish is always be very hospitable to all her guest wether they were close friends or their spouses she doesn't know and frets over making sure everyone is fed and watered. She is more friendly and warm to her friends as she is usually a bit unsure and reserved to strangers but would never leave a guest out of the hospitality aspect.

But I think we would probably have to be able to see more messages and interactions to be able to judge this situation better.
My friend said she is happy to translate if you did want to find out more.

@HavenDilemma and you do?

You've been told it's cultural and that's your thought and response?

Being 'flirty' is definitely a cultural difference. DW is Polish and it took me quite a while to adjust to the way she is with male friends - and some of her English male friends took it the wrong way occasionally too.

Ok so let's bust this Polish flirty myth. I have nearly 30 years experience on this.

It doesn't matter if a woman is Polish or English or a Martian. There is a type of woman who likes to dominate sexually, to be the one whose hand everyone's husband Would like to eat out of. Yes there's also the overlay of a matriarchal culture in Poland, and again there's a type of Polish woman who is competitive and must make the tastiest food, be the most glamorous, be the most loved by mother in laws, etc.

It sounds to me like this woman is both. In any language, she wants to be queen bee.

Dancing bear and others have put you down, OP, to 'shame' you for being unreasonably jealous. But I disagree. Even if we ignore all other potential flags, there's one TERRIBLE thing she does. And that's speaking an exclusive language with him when you're there.

Her speaking Polish is unforgivable. And he should be replying to her IN ENGLISH.

Also. What is this 'Mama OW' thing? Wtf? Is it a joke between them (that you are crazy jealous??) and your son has picked it up?

Don't listen to them, OP - she's a nightmare. Although I think it's pretty unlikely there's anything going on. But she's v disrespectful to you and your husband should just keep her at arm's length.

On the Polish flirty - there's a strong sense of the difference between men and women in Poland, and there's chivalry and some harmless coquettishmess in general - which can take getting used to.

But I think that despite that, Polish women DO know when they're using that as an excuse and going over the top. And Polish men know the difference between social ease and proper flirting.

Ask him if he'd be ok if you did that with an English guy.

the more significant thing is that your DH has many friends of whom you are not suspicious but something about this one is different and I would pay heed to that intangible feeling

Wise words, especially given your update at 09.45

In that tired old phrase, "if it walks like a duck ..."

You are applying English 'hidden message' rules to culture that is open and does not do hidden messages. If the woman actually did not like you, you would not step into her house. It would not matter that you are her friend's wife, you would not be welcome.

If English woman behaved the way you describe, then yes, I would be concerned, because it would not be natural to her. Considering that the woman is polish, I have not read anything that is out of order here. Simply because this is the way we are with our friends.
-There is no hidden message to cold coffee, so no you were not given old coffee because you are not liked - maybe that is something that english person would do, but for polish people it is normal. Polish person would have no problem asking for the coffee to be reheated, and nobody would lose sleep over it.
-No, the woman is not rebellious saying she does what she wants - polish women do naturally take charge and very often men take back seat. The 'complaining' about the husband you described goes on for 50 or more years of marriage. It does not mean that the marriage is on the rocks.
-his mum is a grandma and we have a lot of love for older family members

• children would often call parent's friends auntie (ciocia) or uncle (wujek). Ask your husband why she was called mama, maybe it was difficult for the child to pronounce 'ciocia'. In some cultures all the older women would be referred to as mama 'name'

All that does not invalidate your feelings and I do believe that we should listen to our gut feeling. You need to speak to your husband and set boundaries you will be comfortable with. His reaction will tell you a lot.

But I think that despite that, Polish women DO know when they're using that as an excuse and going over the top.

Absolutely fully agree with this. Its also used as a way of getting what they want.

I would have taken this as a joke about needing some space after being "trapped with family/housemates for weeks in lock down" . You'll see many examples of this in aibu posts. Whether there's anything else going on, I wouldn't take this meme as indicative of that. I have friends that call everyone darling, honey, hun and sweetie but they're not polish or any other non uk nationality it's just how they are.

I should say sweetie is normally used for children.

It seems really hard to judge the situation - I found @MisiaMisia's post really helpful as well as @ponchek's.

Definitely seems like a lot could be explained by cultural differences. That said, my first thought about comments regarding the frivolity of the meme and not reading too much into it, was scepticism - it's very easy to use innocent situations to mask subversive actions.

He needs to end the 'friendship'

'I'm no longer prepared to accept your close so-called friendship with a twat who snubs me publicly while very obviously flirting with you. I'm done with being insulted, especially by a deperate idiot who spends most of her time disappearing up her own backside trying to look cool when she's actually just rude. I can't tell you who to have as a friend, I can however tell you that if you choose to be in contact with someone like this, who is disrespectful to me, I'm going to leave you. Your choice.'