Female 'friend' sent this to DH - can anyone translate from Polish?

[tippingpoint14]

So, my husband has a female friend. Big deal, he has many. I've never had a problem with his female friends. Ever. In fact, I've become friends with all the others. Love them to bits.

Until this one. She's also married and something about her jars with me. Then this popped up on his phone yesterday. He had sent her a picture of our son excited about Easter eggs. She replied with this meme, followed by the word for "sweetie" in Polish with hug emoji.

If someone out there speaks fluent Polish, please translate and let me know AIBU to feel uncomfortable with this woman sending this sort of thing to my husband. Much appreciated.

It’s impossible to know from this small amount of information whether OP’s husband is cheating or not, or even if there is a slightly flirty, risqué frisson between them. There is a whole other context beyond this one text. Actually whether this is or isn’t appropriate, is irrelevant. OP’s feelings are relevant and valid, no matter what. If she is feeling insecure, this is information about the relationship. The thing that counts is how this is spoken about between the couple and if it can’t be spoken about, that is dangerous for the relationship.

I see the MN ducking stool has been wheeled out.

He's cheating: LTB
He's done nothing wrong: the trust is gone, so LTB.

Also, there is no 'flirty, risque frisson'. various Polish speakers have come on the thread to confirm there's nothing flirty about the meme, but lots of posters seem determined to ignore this

Oh, and he’s deleted her messages from his phone before too.

I think the only concerning thing that stands out is that you feel concerned about this woman, when you haven’t felt like it so far in the 10 years of being with your DH. Listen to your gut, even if you say to DH you don’t trust her intentions.

If she oversteps the mark your husbands response is the main thing. He should obviously shut it down and cut her off if she oversteps the mark in terms of making a move etc.
And you just have to trust that he will not reciprocate and be faithful to you.

But I fully appreciate its hard to stay calm about it and not worry if you suddenly feel off about a friendship your husband has with another woman and you’re not one to usually be worried about this kind of thing.

Jeez, you really don’t like her, do you?

Ah ok, upon reading your last two messages I’d be pretty concerned too to be honest.

She’s either desperate for attention in any way she can get it and I’d be pretty pissed off your child called her mama xyz. That’s really strange and I’d find it hard to believe your son just came out with that without a seed being planted.

@brachiosaurusdance Listen to your gut, even if you say to DH you don’t trust her intentions.

Yes, this is what I intend to do. I’ve been in many situations where men (and women) have overstepped the mark with me before and I’ve made it abundantly clear they have done so and not engaged with them again. DH doesn’t seem to respond to this woman’s flirting, and maybe he’s not even aware of it, but it’s still happening. I don’t want her anywhere near me or my son and wish he’d drop her.

@Alsohuman Would you?

I meant quite the opposite and wasn’t implying that OP should do anything, other than talk to her husband.

That's just a joke about isolation ? When we can get out we can go away with our families.

Honestly not anything to worry about

I’m sorry but I just wouldn’t send that message to a married man. Trust your instincts. You do not come across as a paranoid jealous person just someone who is feeling uncomfortable with the situation.

@pilates Thank you. I’m absolutely not. My husband and I have spent lots of time apart during the course did our relationship. He’s stayed with female friends I’d never even met before some of that time when I’ve been on the other side of the planet. At times he’s had to share a bed with them. I’ve had women tell me he’s their “soul mate”. Not once did my radar go off. It is now though.

Tbh she just sounds like typical Slav woman! I grew up in Russia and we are generally a bit more flirty and our use of language is different. Culturally we’re very different and are very warm to our friends and can appear quite cold to outsiders.

He can’t not be aware of it. Why would he delete her messages if he thought that it was all 100% innocent.

FWIW if a male friend of mine constantly made “jokes” like that and flirted with me inappropriately. I’d let the relationship drift apart to be honest. Maybe that’s just me though but I’d find it really rude. Even if you don’t like a friends DH you don’t behave like that!

I’m struggling to say why though without sounding jealous. I’m not the jealous type but for some reason this would really bother me.

It’s just feels quite disrespectful.

She sounds like a dog whistle woman.

Why would he delete her messages if he thought that it was all 100% innocent.

Because he knows OP will overreact.

FWIW if a male friend of mine constantly made “jokes” like that and flirted with me inappropriately. I’d let the relationship drift apart to be honest.

Native Polish speakers have explained over and over that there's nothing flirty about the meme

Have you asked your husband to translate this?

I'd imagine he deletes her messages because what she is sending isn't entirely appropriate and he knows it, not so much that it's him that's saying innapropriate things. He's smart enough to know it's overly flirtatious behaviour, but is too much of an ego-stroking-loving man to tell her to piss off.

What does your husband say it says?

dancingbear maybe I’ve caught the wrong end of the stick with regards to the meme but I stand by the fact if the op feels her collective behaviour crosses the line and she’s never felt like this with any of his female friends before then there’s usually good reason for that. Not always, but usually.

Lots of cultural differences at play here. What Chiyoo said. I am Polish and in the eyes of a Westerner I flirt with a door handle. We're nice and close to our friends and cold to the strangers. You being her friend's husband does not make you her friend. Nothing wrong with a second hand coffee, I quite often take drinks other people don't want if I don't mind. Just say 'no' if you don't want it. Parents have special place in the Polish society and asking about them is normal and cultural thing. I know lots of stuff about my friends' parents even though some of them I met only once. Hospitality comment is a compliment and nothing else - it's a national trait. Taking your son to her is actually a good sign, it means your husband sees him as his own family - you don't introduce to your friends people that don't matter to you.

If it's any help that's Ingmar Bergman and Gregory Peck in the film For Whom The Bell Tolls.

www.imdb.com/title/tt0035896

Maybe the words are a quote from the film?

She doesn't sound like a nice lady. She certainly doesn't seem keen on you from her behaviour...but it seems like her personality, rather than just with your DH.

if I happen to be with my DH when they catch up and talks only in Polish, even though they both speak fluent English. So I’m effectively left out of conversations

Why doesn't your husband say something to her???

He takes your child to her home?

People tell you that your husband is their soulmate?

He shares a bed with other women?

The issue is your husband. Not this woman.

It’s a meme which itself isn’t a worry, but if it’s sent privately via messenger than publicly via Facebook I’d feel uncomfortable.

I’m assuming she’s called him ‘ kochanie’? If so, that would make me feel very uncomfortable. My DH is Polish, and the only person he’d be calling kochanie is me.

I know the kind of woman you are describing, charming and so friendly to your husband but freezes you out. I would share your concerns too. How your husband reacts is crucial though, it’s his responsibility to deal with it, if she oversteps the mark.