Are we too old for another child ?

[Smilebehappy123]

Got one DD 1 year old , absolute little beauty and I would love another baby
I'm 35 , DH is 55. DH very hands on with DD not your typical 55 year old fit and active and young at heart always laughing and playing with DD
Are we too old for another ? I don't want an only child although ideally would love another baby
Dh days he doent crave another child but in his words 'if you really want another of course I would '

Ooooof. Well I'm 54 and have actual nightmares about being pregnant with another child! I know it's your DH who is that age but still....!
My DH is 5 years older than me and we have children aged 22 and 24. We are def looking forward to grandchildren now.
I think the thing you forget whe. You have a young chi old is that the worrying and issues and sleepless nights don't stop. Ever. Teenage years can be unforgiving. How old will your DH be then?
My DH is super fit and slim and healthy but his attitudes still
Don't often change with those of his children. There is often much good natured eye rolling! And the age difference there is only 30 something years not fifty something.
Honestly? I'd stick at one and be grateful.

Not with all the risks. Please don't do it.

My DP was mid to late 40s when my DC were born. (I was late 20s/early 30s) . Hes late 50s now. He was pretty hands on when they were babies/toddlers but takes v little interest in them now. Hes still fit and healthy at the moment and in normal life does quite a bit if sport. Since lock down hes spent everyday doing stuff in the greenhouse or the garden. Most days DC ask if he wants to play a game or do something with them, sometimes he says ok (and "doesn't get round to it") other times he says hes tired or doesnt want to. I dont know if being older has made him a bit selfish.

Sounds fine to me.

I feel age has very little to do with attitude to wanting to play with children. My Fil was always up for a game and a laugh well into his 80s. Having children when older has 'kept my DH and I young' we see others we know in their late 60s and they act old, and have a completely different attitude to life than we do. We do so much, are up to date with all the types of stuff our teens are doing. Don't pretend that teens need loads of physical help that will tire you out when you are older. They don't. The only thing I have done more of is being a taxi! I am 63 and DH is 69 so we are right in the age group others are saying isn't good.

Sorry to hijack but do you think my DP is too old? He is mid 40s I am late 20s. He is a triathlon health freak type which I know doesn't change his age but surely has a better outlook than a man of the same age that drinks/smokes/is obese?

He is a triathlon health freak type which I know doesn't change his age but surely has a better outlook than a man of the same age that drinks/smokes/is obese?

not sure why people bring the argument of obese smoker/drinker vs triathlete. Most are somewhere in between. If you are fit your mid 40s, there is no guarantee that you are fit and healthy in 10 years time. I think people who say, yes my partner is older but he is fit/sporty/etc always fool themselves a bit. They will still be old men by the time their children become adults.

@raspberryk so you are saying if you only met your husband or partner at 35 you would have decided to remain childless? Given that you were outside the ‘best’ time to have a child? You learnt wanted to be a mother - but you would have said no to both you and your husband being a parent as at 35 you would’ve been too old?

Somehow I highly doubt it

@Exoffice but doesn't bring healthy make you statistically more likely to live longer, just like statistically being younger means you are more likely to have more years left ahead of you? Don't you see the logic is the same?

These age threads piss me off. You do what you feel. People can die any age. Don't listen to the people on here who have made different life choices because it suited them

I think mid forties is a judgement call - I wouldn’t have a baby at mid forties, I personally wouldn’t want parent a teen in my sixties and would Be worried about not being around to help with grandchildren etc.

However you need to think about the life you could Both offer a baby, child and young adult.

There are a few posters saying they had children late and it’s fine, what’s everyone worrying about. They are fit and healthy and still have enough energy to fully engage with their kids.

Good for them, that’s great and for you the gamble paid off.

However health does start to decline for many people in their 50s and 60s. My parents aren’t ready for the knackers yard yet, they are early 60s, but over the last few years they have aged and they wouldn’t want to have a primary school aged child to care for, which will be the case for the OPs DH.

While people can be healthy and active into their 80s, you are more likely to develop a serious health problem at 65 than you are at 45. I’ve worked on a stroke unit and it’s actually quite frightening how many otherwise healthy people in their 50s and 60s are struck down over night. The number of people I saw in their 30s and 40s was negligible.

So yes, some people will have wonderful stories to tell of older parents, but some won’t. The older you are having kids, the bigger gamble you take with not seeing them reach adult hood. That’s just a fact. The question is whether or not it is a gamble that you personally are prepared to take.

I'm not arguing, but you always get the posters arguing 'you'll always get the odd one that lives to 105, but statistically older parents are likely to die when the kids are younger'. But they never say 'yes you get the odd obese smoker that lives to 105, but statistically unhealthy parents are more likely to die when the kids are younger'.

It is the same logic, no?

@Exoffice but doesn't bring healthy make you statistically more likely to live longer

I don't know. Most people doing sports don't really live longer than others. At least when I look at the people I know (I have some sports nuts incl ex pros on my family). They just some to live healthily for a bit longer but don't live longer as such.

You are right, long term smokers can expect to lose ten years of their life, and It is something people should take into account. Obesity can Reduce life expectancy by around three years.

In the example here, the dad is about 25 years older than the average new dad.

@ItsMsActually
@hesgotit

Just to clarify that point , so met DH exactly 3 years again this month , we was married july last year , with him 10 months and by this point had met his friends , family., work colleagues and had enough information and time spent with him to know that he would be a good father and that the relationship was serious , so around a year trying to conceive , maybe struggling isnt the correct terminology sorry as I know some people try for decades to get pregnant

You’re definitely young enough to safely have another pregnancy and child. Your DH isn’t ancient but I would be conscious of the fact he’s going to be in his seventies when your child/ren are in their twenties. There’s a chance he won’t live to see grandchildren.

@JosieJosie1 since I met my ex husband when I was 16 it was not ever an issue, I wanted a baby for at least 5 years before I and my first, I knew I wanted to be a relatively young parent so that's the choice I made.
I'm since divorced and I've met a new dp, with no children, I'm not yet 35 but I will be by the time I've graduated and found the job I want and I've said I won't have anymore and I've been very clear about that from the start of any new relationship. Very much like I've always known would never choose ivf even before I started my family.
I am aware not everyone meets their partner in their 20's, I've never alluded to that but it is just not a choice I would make and I do think everyone glosses over the facts that over 35 is more risky than 25 or 30, over 40 even more so.
People also used to believe men's fertility didn't really change and now we know sperm quality does decrease as men age.

Well youd want your current child to have a sibling for support should anything happen to you or your husband which I assume is one of your main concerns? So I think it's probably less selfish if you WANT another child, to also give your current child the opportunity to have lifelong support aside from you and your husband.

Don't have another child for this reason. The second child could be disabled and the sibling relationship would not be the one you imagine, or the children may not have a wonderful relationship that leads to 'lifelong support'.

I think you would be crazy to get pregnant now.
Do you seriously think anti natal and maternity care will be great in 9 months time?
You must be joking. We are heading for a recession. More unemployed, buckles tightened and that includes spending on the nhs. Maternity care will suffer no doubt about it.
Ignore this if you can pay for private care of course.
What is so bad about having an only child?
Are the majority of seriel killers only children or something?
I do have to agree with all this “my old dh is so fit for his age,” malarkey. You are not fooling anyone. No 55 year old man, unless they are a Hollywood film star, looks 25 trust me. Neither do they have the health of a fit 25 year old or the quality sperm of a 25 year old fit male either.

I think it's your private business and your relationship sounds lovely, but environmentally there's no way I'd contemplate having more than one. What you have sounds blissful. Why change it?

Elite athletes (olympians) can expect to live about five years longer Than the general public.

I think a lot of older men kid themselves that they are in this category when they really arent😂

I see them every week at parkrun, in the most expensive gear but not be any means any fitter then me

@Exoffice

But surely you wouldn't expect an obese smoker with type 2 diabetes and a probable heart condition to live as long as somebody that doesn't smile or drink and exercises?

I know it is an extreme example and most people's health is somewhere between the two. But numbers can be disingenuous as if Itself OP's husband was, say, 39 nobody would consider him too old. But what if she said he was an alcoholic that smokes and lives off KFC?

Just to clarify that point , so met DH exactly 3 years again this month , we was married july last year , with him 10 months and by this point had met his friends , family., work colleagues and had enough information and time spent with him to know that he would be a good father and that the relationship was serious , so around a year trying to conceive , maybe struggling isnt the correct terminology sorry as I know some people try for decades to get pregnant

But you have also say

Background for me I struggled to conceive for many many years

Still making no sense!