Aibu to think spending £13 a month on this is fine?

[QueenOfHell669]

Hi,
To explain the situation a bit,
My mother was/is quite abusive and I helped my younger sister (16 at the time) move out of home into a flat. I paid for a lot of things for her but also helped her into part time work and some study, she has flourished. 4 nearly 5yrs on I barely have any financial involvement with her, she stands on her own.

Never asks to borrow or have money from me and is very independent. The last tie so to speak is her phone. It’s now sim only as the 2yr contract lapsed and costs me just £13 a month. She had mentioned maybe getting her own contract in a few months to boost her credit file at which point of course I will cancel the contract but the phone itself is paid off now so she can keep that irrespective.

My partner thinks I am babying her and insulting her to continue to pay this £13, he has gone a little far with this in my eyes even suggesting I am being taken for a “mug” I’d appreciate some insights on this. He feels very strongly about this and I don’t get it hence wanting to canvass opinion.

My stance is that I can more than afford it, she’ll buy herself a new phone/contract when she’s ready and it’s only £13 a month added onto a phone bill I already pay (my own). I don’t even see the point in considering creating an awkward situation where my sister may feel bad or like she owes me something when I’m very happy to help her. Who’s being unreasonable?

You sound so lovely op. It's really nice to read. It reminds me a bit of my relationship with my youngest brother.

I don't have anything to say about the £13 phone bill that's not been said, but yanbu, of course.

If he's carping over £13 he's got a big problem.
She's your sister and you can give her whatever you like.
None of his business.

I think if you can help you should - she's very young and doing her best - isn't that what families are for. Good for you.

Separate residences. Tell him to fuck off.

Just seen your update too!
Good. Get rid. Nobody needs a tosser in their life.

Given you already feel like this why waste any more time on him?

Send him back to his. You would be a mug not to.

You each have your own residence - in your position I'd be telling him to go back to his (and better that he self isolates, and doesn't risk any harmful conspiracy theory rays by trying to contact you).
Controlling twerp - at least his ridiculous stance on this has helped you realise what a control-freak waste of space he is before you moved in permanently.

And before anyone shouts "moving is against the rules" - it's permissible in cases of Domestic Abuse - just think of it as preventative action against what the OP might resort to if she has another month of the twat 24/7.

You are a normal/kind sister.
Your partner is a dick.

Does he have an opinion on how you spend all your disposable income?

Fuck, even if you were babying her (which I don't think you are), doesn't anyone who's been in an abusive situation deserve some babying?

The lack of empathy from some is just shocking.

Keep on being a great big sister.

You are a marvellous sister. She is lucky to have you (and it sounds like it goes both ways).

Once she is ready to buy an upgrade, this arrangement will come to it’s natural end anyway (my son is 19 and still has his phone bill paid for him at present. He’s just started paying ‘keep’ though, so it’s evening out). Thank you for facilitating a gradual move to adulthood for your sister. Teenagers in similar family situations to yours often end up chucked in the deep end, can be really shitty for mental health.

Unless that £13 is putting your household into unnecessary debt, it’s got nothing to do with your partner. Why is he so worked up about in anyway?
Is he jealous of your close relationship with your sister?
Is he trying to drive a wedge between you and her or you and anyone else?
Does he have family issues of his own that he is misdirecting at you? If so, is he willing to sort that shit out with a professional?

A bloke who tries to police your bank account seems like a massive red flag to me, a far bigger problem than you continuing to pay your sister’s phone bill til her next upgrade.
As the handset is paid off then it must be a few years old already, she’ll want a new one within a year or two so it’ll probably only cost you another 150-200 or so.

Sounds like his behaviour is really disproportionate to the actual sum involved? It’s not like you’re paying her rent or the deposit on a house purchase (and even if you were, that wouldn’t mean you were a ‘mug’).

Keep paying it. It's not much but it's a token that you care for her and like to help her

I also out-earn him by about 75% and my housing costs are half his.

I would be watching this
Keeping everything separate and everything 50/50.

As context I was in a similar financial boat with my DP (soon to be DH) he has never told me how to spend my money or block me from spending on friends and family and insisted on 50/50 and paying his way even when he moved into my (super low mortgage) flat

What a lovely sister you are! Your sister is your sister for ever, but your DP might be history one day. He’s pecking at your head over it because he sees you doubting it yourself, so feels he has a bit of control. Be firm with him, tell him to mind his own business.

My brother is 6 years younger than me and when we was a teenager our parents refused to get him a phone contract. I was working full time so I got one for him, the same sort of price you’re paying now.

You can afford it and it’s very kind to pay for her phone. Tell your DH to piss off.

"... we still have our own residences. The lockdown did force us to joint household it, but it’s not a permanent measure."
Well, isn't it nice that under the lockdown regulations, he is permitted to fuck off back home
The relevant part of The Health Protection (Coronavirus, Restrictions) (England) Regulations 2020 is section 6, Restrictions on movement

6.—(1) During the emergency period, no person may leave the place where they are living without reasonable excuse.

(2) For the purposes of paragraph (1), a reasonable excuse includes the need—

(l) to move house where reasonably necessary;

You are not stuck with him until the end of lockdown. If the police stop him, all he has to say is that his girlfriend chucked him out for being a tosser so he's going back to his own home.

I'll bet the police have had a few incidents like this. People showing who they really are and their DPs having second thoughts.

www.legislation.gov.uk/uksi/2020/350/regulation/6/made

I think you sound like an amazing big sister who has, despite her own shitty start, stepped in to raise your little sister and teach her well.

It doesn’t sound like she’s taking the piss at all. It sounds like your partner has little to no understanding of what you’ve both been through and as such as being a bit of a prick about it.

I’m very lucky to have some incredible siblings (& a questionable Mum!) & think what you are doing/have done is lovely & would do the same. Tell your partner to do one.

You sound like a great sister and your DP sounds like an arse. It's your money, spend it how you want

You sound lovely. He doesn’t. Might be time to start looking for someone who is worthy of your loveliness......

I find it really hard to believe that this £13 per month is dramatically impacting on you and your partner's shared life. So I can only assume that he is against it on principle. Petty principles at that. That's really not his place to comment.

Sounds like you two aren't a great match.

You are a great sister.

Lose the waster partner.

The cheeky of him daring to comment on your finances.

OP, cut your losses and get him out.

You'll be paying for him soon.

Don't waster you precious life with an abuser, considering your mother was abusive.

Get him OUT.

Sounds like you know what you need to do after lockdown in over. He sounds like a bit of a twerp and who needs that in their life!

Lose the baggage, cherish your sister, I'm sure she cherishes you.

If he's bitching about how you spend £13 at this early stage what's he going to be like a year or so from now, it looks like he is already seeing your money as his.

It's your money - he doesn't get to have an opinion