Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to think spending £13 a month on this is fine?

154 replies

QueenOfHell669 · 12/04/2020 10:05

Hi,
To explain the situation a bit,
My mother was/is quite abusive and I helped my younger sister (16 at the time) move out of home into a flat. I paid for a lot of things for her but also helped her into part time work and some study, she has flourished. 4 nearly 5yrs on I barely have any financial involvement with her, she stands on her own.

Never asks to borrow or have money from me and is very independent. The last tie so to speak is her phone. It’s now sim only as the 2yr contract lapsed and costs me just £13 a month. She had mentioned maybe getting her own contract in a few months to boost her credit file at which point of course I will cancel the contract but the phone itself is paid off now so she can keep that irrespective.

My partner thinks I am babying her and insulting her to continue to pay this £13, he has gone a little far with this in my eyes even suggesting I am being taken for a “mug” I’d appreciate some insights on this. He feels very strongly about this and I don’t get it hence wanting to canvass opinion.

My stance is that I can more than afford it, she’ll buy herself a new phone/contract when she’s ready and it’s only £13 a month added onto a phone bill I already pay (my own). I don’t even see the point in considering creating an awkward situation where my sister may feel bad or like she owes me something when I’m very happy to help her. Who’s being unreasonable?

OP posts:
PardonWhat · 12/04/2020 11:02

Tell him to fuck off

category12 · 12/04/2020 11:03

Your partner sounds a right miserable grabby bastard. If he's mean with money, not even his money(!), I bet he's mean in other ways.

PardonWhat · 12/04/2020 11:04

Sit dp down and explain that you are basically her mum figure and doing this for her is important to u

Don’t do this. It’s warranting him thinking he has a say in it. Do NOT justify yourself.

HollowTalk · 12/04/2020 11:04

Let's guess - he costs you more than £13 per month?

Quite honestly, a man who could begrudge that small amount of money spent on a sister who's had every disadvantage isn't a man I'd want to devote my life to.

In other words, he's a selfish twat who should be dumped.

C8H10N4O2 · 12/04/2020 11:05

I covered my kids' bills of this type until they were post uni, working and had independence. You are effectively her parent as much as sister.

He's a dick for expecting to tell you what you can spend a few quid a month on when you can afford it and are not asking him to contribute.

raspberryk · 12/04/2020 11:06

It's nothing to do with him, I've bailed out my brothers regularly over the years in some form or another. In fact a few months ago I paid my brothers petrol and shopping because he'd had to buy a new car and didnt have enough to get him to pay day, he's 28. Last year my dad had to lend me the money for a months childcare for 2 kids, I'm mid 30's. It's what families do.
13 quid a month is probably neither here nor there for you but it's probably made a big difference to your sister.

Daisy12Maisie · 12/04/2020 11:06

He sounds spiteful unless you are in loads of debt or he has to pay for everything

LuluBellaBlue · 12/04/2020 11:07

Wow for me this would be a huge red flag towards you partner!
It would make me question the relationship and would keep an eye out for other signs of controlling or selfish behaviour

FizzyGreenWater · 12/04/2020 11:07

Red flag... how long have you been with him?

He sounds like he thinks he's really got the right to tell you what to spend your money on doesn't he? Why?

Tell us more about him. Because I'm betting a pound to a penny that when you do, he won't come across well at all.

Oh and your arrangement with your sister sounds fine. And ENTIRELY your own business :)

hesgotit · 12/04/2020 11:08

Your a lovely big sister, keep doing what your doing and ignore your OH!

Sally872 · 12/04/2020 11:08

Yanbu. You can afford, sister is grateful not taking advantage so you are kind not a mug.

Partners attitude is horrible, i would think less of him for thinking negatively about your kindness nevermind discouraging you from helping.

NoMoreDickheads · 12/04/2020 11:09

YANBU and it seems like your H is trying to turn you against your sister. This isn't much money and she's said she'll find her own contract soon.

Herpesfreesince03 · 12/04/2020 11:11

It’s £3 a week. Tell him to get a grip

Atr1sk · 12/04/2020 11:12

"God help the Mister that comes between me and my sister......"

And that's all I literally have to say on the subject.

I0NA · 12/04/2020 11:12

Id be way more worried that your partner is a tosser

This

Thehop · 12/04/2020 11:15

This is money well spent. It’s shown you what a mean spirited arse you’re living with.

TiredofSM · 12/04/2020 11:15

What’s it got to do with him?
You are happy with the arrangement and she’s never taken the piss.
I’d tell him to MHOB.

Ihatemyseleffordoingthis · 12/04/2020 11:18

Seriously what is his problem ?

Your sister sounds like she is still only a young adult who has managed to get through difficult circumstances with your support. I would carry on supporting her in whatever ways she needs it for as long as she needs it. And maybe even if she doesn't need it but it holds her in a space of care. Without a shadow of a doubt.

Am trying to think of a way to give your partner benefit of the doubt in this situation but it's escaping me. Is he very tight? Very controlling? Very stressed and worried about money? Hiding a financial problem of his own?

AprilFloundering · 12/04/2020 11:19

I don't think much of your partner, tbh.

Think hard before you consider having kids with him.

Potterspotter · 12/04/2020 11:21

Can’t possibly understand how your dh/dp can think his position is legitimate either - scratching my head here too.

Original poster
QueenOfHell669 · 12/04/2020 11:24

Tbh. He seems more of the tosser variety on a daily basis. This is just the final straw. Together for 2yrs, we’ve only become more involved financially in the last 6 months ish and he has been quite a tosser about a variety of things. I’m also noticing other things I don’t like about him and questioning the relationship a lot. So, yeah... things probably won’t go well. I mostly posted here to gravitate myself really I didn’t think anyone would have issue but he flaps and moans about so much irrelevant (to him) things and he is really becoming quite controlling. I certainly don’t see us lasting long now

OP posts:
ThumbWitchesAbroad · 12/04/2020 11:26

Can't really see how it's any of his business, to be honest. Unless you were using his money to pay it, which you aren't - then he can keep his big nose and tight opinions out of it.

AnyOldSpartabix · 12/04/2020 11:28

I was about to ask if he was controlling about other things, but I see you’ve updated. Good luck with parting from him. Hope you can make a clean break.

browzingss · 12/04/2020 11:29

He sounds disgusting, saying you’re being mugged off for spending this £13 a month on your sister, when you can comfortably afford it is OTT. I’m inclined to agree that it is controlling behaviour. I’m sure he actually fritters £10-15 a month away himself, but I’m guessing he hasn’t suggested cutting back his expenses?

It’s your money, you can help your sister out if you want to. Again, it’s not like you’re making sacrifices in other aspects of your life to pay the £13 contract.

Campurp · 12/04/2020 11:29

Why does he even care? As long as you’re not putting yourself and your personal finances in jeopardy then I really don’t see an issue!
Red flag!

Swipe left for the next trending thread