I’ve told 4 friends that I’m struggling and they have all said the same thing

[IHopeYouStepOnALegoPiece]

All 4 have DC, I don’t. They have all said “oh try having kids when you can’t leave the house” “oh I wish I had your problems, it’s a madhouse here” “you don’t know how lucky you have it!” “Honestly, don’t moan it’s even harder with kids”

I’m a nanny 60pw, I’m used to having noise and a bit of chaos, a small kid hanging off of me or on me, being busy, having a conversation with a small child or 3 (occasionally a parent!). I’ve been furloughed and I live alone. I am incredibly lonely and am really struggling without physical contact (I mean a hug or just being close to someone!) or anyone to talk to face to face. It’s painful how lonely this is.

I’ve FaceTimed some friends but they obviously have other things they need to do so we don’t Talk for long.

I feel like I am being unreasonable because it is harder with kids all the time I’m sure but fucking hell, the silence around me is deafening.

And so many people are in the same position as me, I don’t for a second think I’m special or the only one feeling this way but I didn’t expect to feel so unreasonable

I was only thinking the other day how lonely it must be on lockdown with no children or a partner ( a kind one). I have 2 kids and a husband and I feel very blessed. I have other big stresses going on ( brother just rushed to hospital) but I have human contact and a dog and cat. YANBU xx

You are absolutely not being unreasonable. It’s about acknowledgement and validation of your experiences. You are valid in what you feel and what you are going through. Every single persons experience is completely unique and it is important to acknowledge each as such.
I hear you and acknowledge you. I am sending you huge amounts of love and light. It sounds very difficult to have your job put on hold, especially when it includes interaction on a daily basis.
I can only imagine what you are experiencing right now and am sorry to hear your story.
I hope you can find some solace in the words here and are able to find something that works for you. I wonder what would help you and what you need/want for you right now? Stay blessed and safe.🌟💜

Yanbu. As much as I'm up to my eyeballs with kids and work and fantasise about what I'd be doing if I were living by myself, I think it would be very lonely and I think I'd find it hard.

As PP have suggested, try having some fun interactions with friends. We tried a quiz recently and it was great fun. A bit of 'how are you coping chat' then straight on to fun and laughter. Was good for the soul.

Also, get out for a self-distance bit of exercise everyday if you can. Fresh air really helps with mental health - a tonic needed by all of us right now.

Stay safe and I hope things feel easier for you soon

im a nanny too so i totally get you .. but lucky me i’m still working as parents doctors . have you thought of volunteering .. even if for just phoning older ones ?

I think your friends the ones being unreasonable tbh, they're completely unsympathetic to how lonely it is when you're on your own 24/7 because they simply don't understand, they've never been there as they all have families. I can see it from both sides and that's what they should be doing, they're supposed to be your friends.
I do have a child, he's almost 2, so I understand how hard this is for them, especially for any single parents out there, but at the same time I'm so glad my son is here as I honestly don't think I would have survived this without him relying on me. I have no family and no friends so maybe I'm not the best person to judge but you're not being unreasonable to be lonely and struggling and you're not being unreasonable to be a bit pissed off with their attitudes.
I think you should explain what the silence is like for you, and remind them that you'd give anything to have children around again, and that you really need your friends at a time like this. Remind them that you're always there for them if they are struggling and need anything, hopefully they'll reciprocate? If not then maybe you should look for some new friends once this is all over? I wish I had. Good luck, and I hope you're feeling better soon

I hear you.
Sometimes it feels when you have the courage to say how you really feel, it can kind of turn into a competition of who has it worse. It becomes all about them.
When l.feel lonely or disconnected l try to ask myself what's the best thing l can do for myself right now? Overthinking can become a curse when your alone. I listen to motivational speakers, spiritual speakers,for a few minutes, makes a difference, read, listen to music, text a friend.
I also remind myself it's better to be alone and feel lonely sometimes than being in an unhealthy relationship. I focus on self growth.
It's natural to be feeling how you are, during these times. Try not to focus too much on the news. Remember this is only a temporary stage. Maybe think about treating yourself to something nice, or plan a day out of short break to have something to look forward to when this is all behind us. Just take it one day at a time, and know you are not alone, many of us feeling the same .

Glad you seem to have got kind responses on here, please read these :) I hope you are ok.

My only (little, not meant to be a criticism) tip would be to sound off to those who are in the same boat as yourself. If someone is struggling with very young children all cooped up they might not be the best person to listen and advise.

I agree im retired and i live alone,never had kids,but normally im a very social person, i belong to a dining group,meet up with other friends,sit my friends dog,whom i adore,when shes at work,shes working from home now,miss him so. I live in a city so always lots going on usually..I live in a flat,my own, and unlike many blocks we do have a pleasant garden, i made sure of that,and noone uses it only me.i chat to other neighbours though at a distance.

Being alone through all this hard,luckily i have friends on own to.i just had long Houseparty chat with a dining group friend,she lives very near me but obviously makes no difference now,though she did pop round and pick up something i got her when i went to shop,outside at a distance, last week i hate that we cant ask people in.I do have odd meltdown though,like you im a very social people person,this isnt my idea of living.Sad your friends cant be more empathetic.

Hope you take your allowed walk, i do mine,and do smile and thank people if they stand aside etc.And i walk into city to shop at M&S i feel more comfy there than maybe a supermarket that might be nearer.and walk is good,though i hate seeing city so devoid of noise and people.

Like you i cant wait for this to be over,god knows people like living in isolation,i dont.

Hi OP. Yes today is the first day that I've felt like this. I'm a key worker as are a millions of others. I have the luck if you see it like that in going to work (midwife) and seeing new faces and work colleagues.
Today I have been thinking about my childhood the good and bad. I was sexually abused by my father for many years and have never ever told a soul till now. My God I can't believe I've said it now but here it is confessed to strangers now. I don't know what to do . This pandemic has made everyone think about life past, present and future.
I have never even told my husband as he thinks I had an idyllic childhood.
After all this is over should I seek councelling when I've never required it? I'm 58 yrs old what is the point in councelling when I've just kept it to myself for all these years, it would feel like I'm taking it away from those in much greater need than me.
I have had a good life, lovely husband job I love and the best friends you could ever want.

You're not at all unreasonable, and your friends are being mean. You feel what you feel, and they can't tell you differently!

Can you Zoom friends or family? Join in with live online quizzes or watch live theatre - anything to help you feel more connected to people?

Hand hold here.

Meant to say Yadnbu sorry. It must be so awful being on your own.

You’re friends are idiots. I’m at home with my DCs, DH and dog and feel very lucky for it. I’m working from home mostly, but going into work once a week. I used to live with a flat mate who was a pharmacist, who would now be busy at work everyday and I’d be all alone most days - I would have found that very difficult.

I really think its a life skill that we don't teach or prepare people for. Ive spent lots of my life doing it. A few monthly stints in rehab shut off from everybody except staff whilst in a feverish state of mind really was the lowest, but you do get used to it and then quickly start to really appreciate it. Don't feel bad about sitting on the internet is my one big bit of advice, and force yourself to get up and cook properly. And prepare yourself properly to go to sleep i.e turn screens off, read in another room before.

And I can say my heart really goes out to those living with people they cant stand.

Maybe a good time to try internet dating?!! Would pass the time, give you flirting practice/fun and you could have zoom dates?! 😁

How did you do your quiz Babymamaroon?

My DC are driving me mad and I miss my partner as we decided to isolate alone as hadn't officially moved in before (together 22 months). But, I know my mental health would be far worse if I was alone. Not the living alone, but the normality of interacting through the day.

Try to focus on this being temporary, post lots on here, write plans for the things you will do when this ends, keep the radio on. Know how you're feeling makes absolute sense, humans aren't meant to be isolated, we are social animals!

(((hugs))) yanbu

I'm sorry your friends aren't more understanding of your difficulty. That's not very helpful of them.
I have two small children and I am finding lockdown hard, and I do feel a bit jealous of those who are (happily) child-free during all this... but I absolutely know that it's partly a case of the grass being greener. And I would absolutely bloody find it hard if I was totally on my own for the duration, as much as I find myself craving alone time right now, being forced into that position for a length of time is a totally different kettle of fish. I'm surprised they can't see that too. A bit different if you have a partner, but being totally alone must be very tough.

YANBU. I don’t know why people feel a need to one-up each other. It’s not a contest as to who has it worse.

YANBU!

My children are keeping me so distracted and busy I can barely imagine what is going on outside of our household which is an absolute blessing. I am also pregnant with baby number 3 and feeling reasonably unaffected. I wouldn’t have made any big plans and I often attend appointments alone anyway. By comparison some of my friends are expecting for the first time and are feeling a huge sense of grief for all their expectations being lost.

Are you able to take up an alternative role just to keep busy? Maybe a temporary job or voluntary role? Not that you should just might give you the distraction you need.

Take care of yourself. Lots of love 💐

@thedogscollar - I'm so sorry to hear that.

Do you feel you need counselling? If so, do have some - your needs are just as important as everyone else's.

I'm glad you've gone on to have such a good life.
Big hugs.

@Thedogscollar
Well done for being brave and sharing that with us. I am sorry that happened to you
You might find Napac a helpful starting point?

If you are in north London there will be a covid 19 mutual aid group set up nearby. Normally through your local council so check their website first. They help local people getting prescriptions, and shopping for those who can'like isolating or shielding. And often have live WhatsApp chats going for people interested and get live call outs for extra help. And swap fun stuff or at least Facebook sites to fun stuff. Our local chat has even set up a Rota to help out local chemist as they are overwhelmed by all the call ins, mainly as people are organising for someone else to collect their prescriptions, as most with ongoing prescriptions shouldn't be going out.

I got a shock when I read about how bad loneliness is for your health.

returntonow.net/2016/10/13/loneliness-1-public-health-epidemic-doctors-arent-talking/

And I'm a complete introvert and I struggled when on 2 week isolation...was dying even to see a face.

Yanbu

I hope it's temporary for you...anything you can do now that you can't normally with kids/work?

There are lots of volunteer opportunities...taking phone calls, doing shopping etc. Put up story time or crafts for your mindees on Facebook?

This will pass.