I’ve told 4 friends that I’m struggling and they have all said the same thing

[IHopeYouStepOnALegoPiece]

All 4 have DC, I don’t. They have all said “oh try having kids when you can’t leave the house” “oh I wish I had your problems, it’s a madhouse here” “you don’t know how lucky you have it!” “Honestly, don’t moan it’s even harder with kids”

I’m a nanny 60pw, I’m used to having noise and a bit of chaos, a small kid hanging off of me or on me, being busy, having a conversation with a small child or 3 (occasionally a parent!). I’ve been furloughed and I live alone. I am incredibly lonely and am really struggling without physical contact (I mean a hug or just being close to someone!) or anyone to talk to face to face. It’s painful how lonely this is.

I’ve FaceTimed some friends but they obviously have other things they need to do so we don’t Talk for long.

I feel like I am being unreasonable because it is harder with kids all the time I’m sure but fucking hell, the silence around me is deafening.

And so many people are in the same position as me, I don’t for a second think I’m special or the only one feeling this way but I didn’t expect to feel so unreasonable

my mum has the virus she is so bored and stressed worried for her health. i call her to check on her regularly have given her my netflix details told her to sign up for the 2 months free trial for readly so she has magazines
yanbu. i do have people around me (husband and 3 kids) but i miss my best friend a lot she drops me shopping off and runs off. me and the hubby are high risk she works in a supermarket... even im suffering so i can imagine it must be really hard for you. found myself climbing the kids slide when i hear people i know and shouting over to them im so desperate for conversation

Your friends are arseholes 😔 I have said I'm incredibly lucky to have my children here, I have no idea how I'd cope alone right now. Feel free to message me if you need a friend, I'm happy to make a new one and I won't belittle you. Stay strong, and genuinely, message me if you want to. Stay safe

No YANBU at all. I was actually thinking this the other day, I have 3 kids and they are a handful but I've actually loved this past 3 weeks. I dont mean to be insensitive as I know the situation is shit and obviously I wish it was under different circumstances but the actual time at home has been lovely for me as for once in my life I've been able to be a stay ay home mum which I've always craved. I'm definitely an introvert and although I've missed my family, I cant honestly say I've missed anything else. But my MIL in particular is struggling. She looks after the kids when I work normally and she seems to have lost her purpose a bit, it's been so hard on her. Any another single friend said the same as you, not having someone to talk to all day has really affected his mental health. It's fine for me as my life is still chaotic and I have dh (who miraculously hasn't annoyed me yet) but I can see why it is awful for some. I hope your friends were trying to make light of it to cheer you up but they def didn't say the right thing. I'm sorry you are feeling so crap OP

Your friends are not thinking this through or have zero empathy. I have four dc, in a very small home, a garden we cannot use, and its bloody hard, but it would be a darned sight harder if I was alone completely, and I love my own company and can always find something to do.
This must be so hard, so while it probably means nothing, sending a huge virtual hug to you, and every day in is another day passed and safe. Loadsa love to you.
I worry so much about my Mum who, with my arsehole of a stepfather might as well be all alone...I miss her so so much.

I think going through this alone would be must harder then being with people. Your friends seem very wrapped up in their own worlds which is incredible sad to hear. As everyone needs to help each other in such a time. I find I’m so busy with schooling and running shopping for in laws and parents. I don’t have time to get boarded. But know both sets of parents are and they have each other for company. They are lots o. Online classes. Maybe joining one you might find new avenues and people to talk too xx

Op I'm really glad you posted here. I'm in the same boat and it's helped me to read the responses. I'm keeping busy and am generally good at finding things to enjoy but there is a point every day when I feel utterly heartbroken. I would give anything now for my own children. I was struggling before but there is no escaping those feelings in the current situation. I am trying to be kind to myself but it's not easy. I do know this is extremely hard for lots of people for different reasons though. We can all only look out for eachother.

They aren’t unreasonable and neither are you. It’s hard for everyone in different ways. Do you have any particular interests or hobbies? You could try joining some groups on Facebook or similar for those particular hobbies or interests to have people to chat with online first through keyboards but once you get to know some you could ask if anyone else is feeling a bit lonely and cut off and would like to group video chat or similar.

Also I believe I saw a Facebook group where people were all exchanging details to send one another letters and silly little gifts to feel connected? Something like that might be nice. It’s not a replacement for a proper hand hold or hug obviously but it might help you feel like someone there is sending you positive thoughts and understands how you feel.

You are NBY, but no-one else is either. There must be some friend you can have a good, mutually supportive moan with? I've got a few and have been. And I'm a bloke!

I agree that your friends don't have much empathy... Or do you think they are saying it to make you feel better?

I hate being on my own and I am on my own quite a bit when Dh and dcs are at school and I happen to work from home. I hate it then and would hate it now, so I totally feel for you, have a hug from me x

On the other hand, having toddlers running around all day whilst trying to work would probably come a close second......!

I would rather work through your feelings to be honest, rather than to be dying at home knowing an ambulance wont come to help because the nhs cannot cope with the amount of deaths. Please count your blessings.

Could you reach our to others in your situation like on Facebook or mind charity.

YANBU what they are forgetting is that they have company, you don't. I understand how hard this is for someone who lives alone and isn't a keyworker.

Bless you. Hopefully they realise how ignorant they've been.

YANBU. My best friend is suffering with her MH so I’ve dropped off flowers and chocolates to her doorstep; she can WFH but she also lives alone and hasn’t seen another person for weeks. But I’m a frontline keyworker (not NHS) so I do interact with other adults and when I’m off-duty, I have 1 of my 2 dc at home with me. I have tonnes of work I need to complete in the next 2 weeks and I have next to no time to get it completed as youngest dc attacks the laptop and hangs off my legs.

Do you have any other friends you can video call? This keeps me sane quite a bit, and I was also learning another language until I started at my job last month but with my workload, children and my assignments; I will have to pick it back up in due course. Maybe invest in a kindle or something along those lines, pass the time with a good read?

Having kids indoors 24/7 IS hard work. But so is being isolated on your own! Sending you love

Not unreasonable at all. I have 2 children 4&8 and while it's hard, I think being alone right now would be even harder. Especially when working from home isnt an option, the silence/lack of human interaction would sent me crazy.

You aren't being unreasonable. These people just don't realise that different pain doesn't less pain. Silence can be deafening and no distractions as such when you are used to them can lead to lots of self reflection. Sadly in these times we are awful poop to ourselves with internal conversations.
This isn't a competition and there is no score board.
Lots of love to you during this time and after.

I feel you!

I’ve just tried to force myself to do the bits around my home and garden that I’ve been putting off forever. It does bring a little bit of satisfaction and peace.

I haven't rtft but they are wrong. I have two kids and a husband and we have been fine as we have each other. I think loneliness is much harder than busyness. Keep on going- it will be over soon enough. You are doing really well to get through it so far.

It may be that your friends dont really have any spare capacity to empathise with you just now. their problems are different than yours, not better or worse, just different

You are absolutely not being unreasonable. Your feelings should be acknowledged just as much as a parent.
My son's nursery teacher lives in the same village so my partner sees her often when going to the shop, he has came back and told me that she is just about in tears everytime she speaks about missing the children and her own wee grand kids. We think she might be taking it awful this whole thing.
I wish we could do something for her to show her how much the kids are missing her too but I just don't know what to do🤔😔
I hope you feel better soon
There's a page on fb, A Shoulder To Lean On. It's got a picture of two people at a lake I think. Give it a like because you can send messages privately or post up publicly for support. Xxx

I hear you OP. I am in same position and not a single friend has reached out (all in relationships).

If my parents weren't alive I wouldn't have a single person to talk to.

Maybe you can organise a zoom ‘wine or coffee ‘ get together at a time that’s suites you and your friends . Failing that can you join a group online with people in a similar situation as yours - good luck x

OP you are not being unreasonable at all. My husband left me 6 months ago and I couldn’t have kids so am completely alone. Luckily I have amazing friends and family and WhatsApp is a life saver. I find making lists of things to do, especially those things I have been putting off, really helps. So I can see this time as positive. I even learnt how to use a drill!! Thinking of you xxxx

I hear you, it must be terribly lonely. Loneliness comes in all shapes and sizes. I have 2 kids, husband, dogs etc and I'm really lonely because not once has anyone asked if I'm okay. I'm supporting my husband through a difficult time, trying to help.my kids adjust and I genuinely feel forgotten about.
Perhaps reach out to people in your immediate community who may want to join in on an online get together on soom where you can meet and chat. You may just make some like minded friends.

Im alone the silence is awful but at the min we just have to get on with it old school style. Its not forever.