I’ve told 4 friends that I’m struggling and they have all said the same thing

[IHopeYouStepOnALegoPiece]

All 4 have DC, I don’t. They have all said “oh try having kids when you can’t leave the house” “oh I wish I had your problems, it’s a madhouse here” “you don’t know how lucky you have it!” “Honestly, don’t moan it’s even harder with kids”

I’m a nanny 60pw, I’m used to having noise and a bit of chaos, a small kid hanging off of me or on me, being busy, having a conversation with a small child or 3 (occasionally a parent!). I’ve been furloughed and I live alone. I am incredibly lonely and am really struggling without physical contact (I mean a hug or just being close to someone!) or anyone to talk to face to face. It’s painful how lonely this is.

I’ve FaceTimed some friends but they obviously have other things they need to do so we don’t Talk for long.

I feel like I am being unreasonable because it is harder with kids all the time I’m sure but fucking hell, the silence around me is deafening.

And so many people are in the same position as me, I don’t for a second think I’m special or the only one feeling this way but I didn’t expect to feel so unreasonable

YANBU - I am also at home alone and self-isolating for 3 months with no garden. I have never felt so lonely in my life and I am crawling the walls. In the last week I have spoken to my GP, the postman, a courier and two friends on facetime. My friend who has three kids is sending me videos of them and the kids making silly videos in the garden, and yes, it is noisy and chaotic but what I would do to have a little bit of that right now. On Thursday a family member sent me a bouquet of flowers and I cried my eyes out when I opened the door and saw them (it's the small things!). Lonelinest is just awful and I would not wish it on anybody. I do understand how hard it most be to have the kids at home daily (I've done that) but there is nothing nicer than going to bed with somebody and waking up with somebody. It gives you a purpose and a reason to get up.

I feel like I am being unreasonable because it is harder with kids all the time I’m sure but fucking hell, the silence around me is deafening.

YANBU. Yes it’s difficult with children but I’ve repeatedly felt so thankful for having them because I would be so lonely and know the time would drag so much without them. I’m sorry your friends seem so engrossed in what they are feeling to be able to understand how it’s at least as bad, if not worse for you.

I hope you can find some way to make the hours go by a little quicker.

I feel your pain. The whole thing is a joke. We are literally being treated like we are in a police state. All of us in our homes frightened of an unseen enemy. The only thing we really have to be frightened of is what our government will do in the name of ‘keeping us safe’. Scary times ahead.

You are not being unreasonable.
I was out for a walk today with my baby and I walked past a woman sitting in the garden reading a book and I’d have honestly given anything to be able to do that. Just sit there in silence reading. Bliss.
But I’m anti social and would be quite happy on my own! It’s even bugging me how much people are calling me. I’m such a misery.

But you’re not being unreasonable at all. In reality I’d obviously hate to be away from my DS and DH and I think your friends when pressed would feel exactly the same. They’re being completely unfair on you.

I think its easier with kids - more to do

I have 2 kids, 3 and 6 year old boys, and have just moved as all this went down, so am juggling homeschooling, trying to unpack and organise despite having no storage as we were going to order items or go shopping as we moved in, trying to have fun with the kids, give them some outdoor time despite being in a flat, find some time for myself as I'm in a bit of a mess physically and mentally, as I'm a sufferer of depression, anxiety and claustrophobia.
But not once, would I ever say my situation is worse than anyone else's.
Its bloody hard for everyone on many different levels and to say something like that to a friend is not kind or compassionate, it smacks a little of jealously. We still all have our lives to lead, in spite of these unprecedented times, and should be holding each other up and checking on our friends and loved ones, not playing oneupmanship on who has it worse.

I've found it easier on the days I have my kids. We're busy and chatting all day. We've been doing science and engineering today and made an obstacle course in the garden. We've camped out in the garden this weekend. Its exhausting because they are full on and I'm a single parent and cooking three meals a day + baking but when they're with their dad I work on my laptop all day, clean the fridge or the bath or something pointless and stare at the tv for a couple of hours in the evening. I know which days I prefer.

I think people who say they envy 'the peace and quiet' would crack after about 48 hours of actually being alone. Solitary confinement is legally a form of torture, remember.

You’re friends are being shits! We are a group of 7, one doesn’t have kids and I’d Never treat her that way! I don’t pity her lack of kids/ husband as she’s gorgeous, successful and a fantastic person. Usually her life is full But I’m aware she’s alone now and I always check in! X x x

I am on my own, no kids. When working from the office, I am usually the only person in the building. It is getting to me a bit, not to have human interaction.
Today I had a bit of a cry as I miss my family and I have no clue when I will be able to see them again in person as they are 500 miles away in a different country. I had hopes of flying over in July, but that seems to becoming more and more unlikely.

Of my staff at work the 2 I am most concerned about are the 2 without live in partners or children. I think there is a huge risk of loneliness....and whilst having kids is hard 24/ 7 on your own must be incredibly hard. Link in to whatever you can via the web op and hang in there x

Yanbu, I think you have the much more difficult situation in lock down on your own compared to being with kids actually. Sending hugs to you

I am lucky in that o enjoy my own company, have done since childhood so it's not too bad as I can read and go for my hour's walk but would rather have it this way than have other people living with me. It must be hard when you are a social person and thrive on having people around you. Can you Whatsapp friends and Family to speak to them and see them ? That is helping my Mum not to worry about me.

YANBU.
Times are hard for us. I work for the NHS and husband has to look after our little boy and try and do some work in between.
However, I would hate to live alone or not have a garden right now. I don’t think either would be good for my mental health to be honest 🌈x

I feel like I am being unreasonable because it is harder with kids all the time I’m sure but fucking hell, the silence around me is deafening

As hard as it is for us to work full time and keep DD occupied, I know it is much harder for MIL who had a really busy social life, but lives by herself. We make sure we keep in touch regularly.

Yanbu OP. I have five kids and they are what keep me going just now, it would be much harder to be on my own and isolating. Honestly at least once a day I count my blessings that I have them. I don’t think I can say anything helpful other than to take that daily walk if you can, it can really help boost the mood and even a smile and wave from a stranger can help.

Are you sure about not being able to take on alternative work while furloughed?
www.gov.uk/guidance/check-if-you-could-be-covered-by-the-coronavirus-job-retention-scheme
Whizz down to the section "While you’re on furlough"
Ability to take alternative employment might be governed by your contract with your employer, but even if it is, if you have found something temporary, it may be worth discussing with them?

I live alone, but am finding it a lot less hard (most days) than I expected it to be. I do WFH three days a week - but it was actually a weeks pre-booked annual leave that helped me settle down a bit.

Also, look at Frazzled Cafe - lots of online meetings. I'd been to a few meetings before this started. www.frazzledcafe.org/

I also started a thread on here about 'good things today' - and I'm making sure that I think of three good things each day to post, however trivial.

Many orgs looking for volunteers are a bit swamped at the moment, and may take a while to get back to you.

It's hard, but you will get through it.

OP I don't know if anyone else has offered, as I haven't read the full thread, but I'd be more than happy to facetime or chat with you every few days! I'm a keyworker, so am working, but I could certainly call you on my way home from work! YANBU and your friends are being utter shits. I have a young daughter and a partner and I would be climbing the walls without them, even though I still work! It is not harder, it is definitely easier having them around. It's difficult trying to educate as well as work, but you just get on with it! So, they're shits. End of. Message me privately if you want someone to talk to!
We all need to be kinder to each other and do what we can to help! Xxxx

YANBU. I think your position is worse. Make sure you go for your hour walk per day, somewhere green / wooded possible.

Eaglejulesuk. I am with you here I am more than happy in my own company and would go crazy living with others however much I love them. I have been happy in my own company since childhood. Yes, I love being with people but don't need to be with them 24/7.

Oh, spotted you live in north London.
If its near Stoke Newington AND you cycle, Made in Hackney are looking for volunteers to deliver meals.
DM me and I'll give you contact details.

Lynzpynz. I live alone but I am far from lonely. I have always enjoyed my own company so am not struggling. I would however if I had other family members in the house . That really WOULD be a struggle for me.

I'm struggling big time, but in a different way. I have depression and ADHD but I'm restless and bored. I hate hate hate not having a purpose, the lack of contact with people . I'm getting fat from all the boredom eating (tbf I'm overweight anyway but this isn't helping). I've lost my job, my anxiety has almost sent me mad on how I would pay the bills. So I joined avon . And bodyshop. I'm a bit better . But this virus has wrecked a lot of lives , and probably the economy . So you aren't the only one feeling the strain . It is hard with kids 24/7. So i see their point , you only have them fir a certain percentage of the day , however hard you work , parenting is 24/7 & not just 60 hours. But on the other hand , I do sympathise because I am climbing the walls , perfectly fine one minute, stressed the next and I'm sending you a big hug right now .

@IHopeYouStepOnALegoPiece

You are definitely not being unreasonable. It’s damn rough when you’re alone. It’s isolating and lonely and boring.
Try to take some of the other poster’s advice. And hang in there.
Sending you love from America. ❤️

Yanbu OP, everyone is struggling in their own way. Well in a way everyone is struggling with the same thing - their normal routine is disrupted and their new routine sucks!

Your friends are BVU.