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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to let my children play in the garden?

360 replies

SlightlyHassled · 10/04/2020 10:07

Our neighbours have complained about the noise caused by my two boys in our garden. They are age 10 and 7.

They were playing very happily (Top Trumps, as it happens) at the end of the garden furthest away from the house (and the neighbours' house) while I was indoors. I heard one of the neighbours shout, 'Oi!' but since I didn't hear anything else, I didn't think anything of it. A few minutes later, one of the neighbours yelled my name, then the other did. As I was indoors, and my boys were still playing happily, I just ignored it. A few minutes later one of them came round to say we were too loud and they were unhappy about it. He said I was reading aloud to the children and that he and his wife could hear every word. (I had been reading aloud to my children in the same part of the garden earlier in the afternoon but I wasn't doing so at the point when they complained. I don't think I was doing so any louder than the volume you'd use for a normal conversation.)

I don't think the problem is really me reading to the children. I think the problem is general noise. They have complained to us before on a number occasions about our noisy children. They are retired and don't have grandchildren, and there aren't a lot of other children living near us, so ours are the ones making all the noise that they hear. We also home educate and our boys are around and outdoors in the daytime more than the average children. We do lots of our structured lessons in the garden, and the neighbours have previously said they don't have a problem with us doing "quiet learning" out there. We don't have a TV and don't use electronic devices much, so our children do a lot of playing outdoors. It's been a long-standing problem, though the neighbours have complained about noise from indoors too. (We are two halves of a semi with only a thin wall between, and we have very echoey acoustics in our kitchen, and an open-plan layout downstairs.)

There isn't any goodwill on their part because they think we don't care and do nothing. The wife told us once she should be able to read a book in her garden at 6pm without hearing our children. They wrote to us once complaining about the noise, and complaining that we never told our children to be quiet. For the next 3 days, I did nothing different from normal but I made a note of every time I asked the boys to be quieter because of the neighbours. I did so 35-40 times a day (!), and that was pretty typical of what I was doing before they complained. We wrote back to the neighbours explaining that, but never had a response.

They don't wake up until 8.30am, and when they complained about noise from the garden before that, we stopped letting the boys out of doors until after 9am, and stopped eating breakfast in the garden. When the neighbours complained about noise from indoors, we spent £500 on sound insulation boards to go against our party wall. Unfortunately when we put the first one up, DS1 and I had an allergic reaction to something in it, and we had to take it off the wall and throw them away. We did tell the neighbours about that.

With garden noise, we always bring the children indoors as soon as they start fighting or stropping or screaming. I understand that people don't want to listen to bickering from over the fence (something else the neighbours have complained about in the past).
My children aren't especially quiet, but I don't think they're especially noisy either. My parents are always telling me how much quieter they are than my brother's 4 boys, for example.

If they're not behaving in an antisocial manner, I think it's fine for my children to be playing in their own garden and that I shouldn't be constantly on their case to play indoors, or to play with hushed voices. AIBU?

OP posts:
funinthesun19 · 10/04/2020 14:20

Your reading books to them in the garden alone would drive me nuts.

That’s fine as long as you kept it all to yourself. You’d have to sit there getting all wound up in silence because it wouldn’t be your neighbour’s problem quite frankly. Smile

AllesAusLiebe · 10/04/2020 14:27

This sounds excessive on behalf of your neighbours. Having said that, i am not very tolerant of noise so it would depend upon how loud it was.

Currently at boiling point already due to my asshole neighbour (4, yes 4!) houses away who's kids are screaming on the fucking trampoline again and blasting out terrible music.

I'd swap your kids playing cards with them any day, OP.

Thethiniceofanewday · 10/04/2020 14:27

YANBU. Kids should be outside and free to play. I’d much rather overhear kids playing than adults shouting on the phone or playing music. I have a boisterous family next door, mum often makes a point of apologising for the noise and I always tell her that it is nice to hear the children playing. Of course sometimes I’d like to sit in the garden and hear nothing but birdsong but until I win the lottery and buy a remote island that’s just unrealistic.

LaurieMarlow · 10/04/2020 14:33

Is anyone going to answer why reading aloud in the garden is so very annoying, more so apparently than people having a conversation?

Frumpypigskin · 10/04/2020 14:34

It's a tricky one - you should be able to use your garden whilst also being considerate to your neighbours. Pretty much all the houses on my road are family houses and I expect to hear kids playing and actually enjoy it. There is a house a good few doors away that when the kids are out I pretty much have to shut the windows and doors as the screaming, shouting and shrill voices go right through me. I would never say anything however, I'm also thankful that I don't live next door to them.

aSofaNearYou · 10/04/2020 14:40

Is anyone going to answer why reading aloud in the garden is so very annoying, more so apparently than people having a conversation?

I can't answer for everyone but for me it would be more distracting. The neighbour specifically mentioned wanting to read herself, which I find very difficult to do when someone else is reading a different book aloud. In conversations there is rise and fall, with kids in particularly it often just sounds like hubbub. Listening to someone give a lesson would be far more constant, clear and hard to tune out.

beethecrackon24995 · 10/04/2020 14:41

Why? It just does Confused. Lots of reasons. I don't have to justify why. I don't like it in a cafe either. I'm not crazy about other people's kids so that contributes to it. I guess you are going to ask me why I don't like other people's kids too Grin

NaturalBornWoman · 10/04/2020 14:41

Is anyone going to answer why reading aloud in the garden is so very annoying, more so apparently than people having a conversation?

The homeschooling and ‘low frustration tolerance’ comment potentially indicate a certain type of reading aloud? Which could potentially be a bit more irritating than a normal conversation? Maybe?

Strugglingtodomybest · 10/04/2020 14:44

@VeryShortNotice

@StrugglingtodomybestThey’d probably find that farms and wildlife aren’t the quietest neighbours even if they did that.

Some people are just miserable arseholes and there’s nothing you can really do other than ignore them.

True. Her neighbour only started to complain once she became a single parent when her ex moved out, so there was definitely some misogyny going on too I think.

LaurieMarlow · 10/04/2020 14:45

The homeschooling and ‘low frustration tolerance’ comment potentially indicate a certain type of reading aloud?

Not sure I follow. What 'type'?

Scissorsnglue · 10/04/2020 14:45

It's just that they never get a break from you.
I have some noisy neighbours and I have children who doubtless make noise on the trampoline. But we all come and go - kids are at school mostly, some neighbours work - it's not a relentless 7 day a week thing.

DC3dilemma · 10/04/2020 14:52

Have you considered getting an Xbox and introducing the boy to Minecraft...they are the perfect age and silence will likely ensue Wink

Seriously, two options as far as I can see:

  1. Ignore, go about life as usual respecting early mornings and evenings.
  1. Agree quiet times with your neighbours so they have predictable respite

Both completely reasonable options.

FromIbizaToTheNorfolkMaud · 10/04/2020 14:54

I imagine it's the relentlessness of it that has led the neighbours to complain. Of course children should be in the garden playing, but the neighbours are probably getting tetchy because they can't foresee a time when they'll ever get some quiet time in the garden.

Devlesko · 10/04/2020 14:59

If you are having to tell a 10 and 7 year old to be quiet 35 times a day, that's a bit much.
You also say you bring them in if fighting or screaming. Why are they screaming as well?
I do think kids should be out playing, every opportunity they get, and they should feel free to make some noise too, top trumps surely wasn't too loud or you reading, if you used your normal voice.

I suppose only you know if they have a point, maybe just let the kids out for shorter lengths of time, more often.

Scissorsnglue · 10/04/2020 15:00

Laurie I would assume some type of performance parenting was referred to.
Maybe the neighbours should start reading aloud from their own books in the garden, that would be fine wouldn't it? Or an audio book while they garden?
I would find the OP's approach mildly irritating if it was happening now and then, if it was daily I'd be looking at a new house as my garden is a big part of why I chose my home (well for the few months of the year I can get into it without hypothermia).

Devlesko · 10/04/2020 15:01

The kids need a tv and some tech, or they'll struggle.
How do you H.e without it? it was crucial to my dd learning when H.ed.

Scissorsnglue · 10/04/2020 15:01

I think the fact that it did not automatically occur to the OP that breakfasting with her dc in the garden was a bad idea speaks volumes!

TheEmojiFormerlyKnownAsPrince · 10/04/2020 15:03

Why is reading aloud distracting?

Fgs some people are miseries. I love hearing kids play outside, why shouldn’t someone sit and read to their kids in the garden? I would think that is homeschooling?

Runnerduck34 · 10/04/2020 15:05

They are being unreasonable. Doesnt sound like your DC were doing anything particularly noisy. If they don't like the sound of children playing they need to move to a detached house and/ or in the middle of nowhere.

Scissorsnglue · 10/04/2020 15:07

Well if I'm reading my own book and someone else is reading aloud it is bound to distract me, no?
I think in these times we need to think "would it be ok if everyone did this". If everyone makes noise in their gardens for an hour a day, is that ok? Well yes. But if everyone around the OP started making as much noise for as long as the OP and her family are doing, I expect she wouldn't be very happy about it either.

bobbityboop · 10/04/2020 15:17

I would say they are being unreasonable.

Unless you live very rurally, it will never be silent outside. They live in a semi-detached house and unfortunately can't control what neighbours do within their own boundaries.

I live in a terrace and it's the norm to hear children playing, radios, chattering etc. It is what it is.

The fact he also shouted "oi" rather than politely addressing it leads me to believe they're tossers. I would not respond to being summoned with "oi" very kindly.

Next time they complain, I would suggest they buy some ear muffs or maybe move to the middle of nowhere 🤷🏼‍♀️.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 10/04/2020 15:18

OP, I'm also wondering why you are reading aloud to your 7 and 10 year old children?

It doesn't sound as if you're one of those wretchedly inconsiderate neighbours, you appear to have awareness of your neighbours and are considerate of the fact, but perhaps you're just not aware of the noise levels that they experience as your children are always with you.

OlaEliza · 10/04/2020 15:18

@LaurieMarlow If you can't understand the irritation of listening to the drone of someone reading aloud to the natural gaps and lulls in a conversation then you are just being deliberately obtuse, as per usual 🙄

5zeds · 10/04/2020 15:19

I'm also wondering why you are reading aloud to your 7 and 10 year old children?
Why wouldn’t you?

OlaEliza · 10/04/2020 15:23

Maybe the neighbours just don't like listening to performance parenting.

Or uncontrollable brats, which tbh, is what op's kids sound like, with the repeated references to the odd times the kids aren't fighting or arguing or bickering.

Seems her gently gently approach is really working, those kid really listen to her 👍

I'd love to live next door. Not.