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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to let my children play in the garden?

360 replies

SlightlyHassled · 10/04/2020 10:07

Our neighbours have complained about the noise caused by my two boys in our garden. They are age 10 and 7.

They were playing very happily (Top Trumps, as it happens) at the end of the garden furthest away from the house (and the neighbours' house) while I was indoors. I heard one of the neighbours shout, 'Oi!' but since I didn't hear anything else, I didn't think anything of it. A few minutes later, one of the neighbours yelled my name, then the other did. As I was indoors, and my boys were still playing happily, I just ignored it. A few minutes later one of them came round to say we were too loud and they were unhappy about it. He said I was reading aloud to the children and that he and his wife could hear every word. (I had been reading aloud to my children in the same part of the garden earlier in the afternoon but I wasn't doing so at the point when they complained. I don't think I was doing so any louder than the volume you'd use for a normal conversation.)

I don't think the problem is really me reading to the children. I think the problem is general noise. They have complained to us before on a number occasions about our noisy children. They are retired and don't have grandchildren, and there aren't a lot of other children living near us, so ours are the ones making all the noise that they hear. We also home educate and our boys are around and outdoors in the daytime more than the average children. We do lots of our structured lessons in the garden, and the neighbours have previously said they don't have a problem with us doing "quiet learning" out there. We don't have a TV and don't use electronic devices much, so our children do a lot of playing outdoors. It's been a long-standing problem, though the neighbours have complained about noise from indoors too. (We are two halves of a semi with only a thin wall between, and we have very echoey acoustics in our kitchen, and an open-plan layout downstairs.)

There isn't any goodwill on their part because they think we don't care and do nothing. The wife told us once she should be able to read a book in her garden at 6pm without hearing our children. They wrote to us once complaining about the noise, and complaining that we never told our children to be quiet. For the next 3 days, I did nothing different from normal but I made a note of every time I asked the boys to be quieter because of the neighbours. I did so 35-40 times a day (!), and that was pretty typical of what I was doing before they complained. We wrote back to the neighbours explaining that, but never had a response.

They don't wake up until 8.30am, and when they complained about noise from the garden before that, we stopped letting the boys out of doors until after 9am, and stopped eating breakfast in the garden. When the neighbours complained about noise from indoors, we spent £500 on sound insulation boards to go against our party wall. Unfortunately when we put the first one up, DS1 and I had an allergic reaction to something in it, and we had to take it off the wall and throw them away. We did tell the neighbours about that.

With garden noise, we always bring the children indoors as soon as they start fighting or stropping or screaming. I understand that people don't want to listen to bickering from over the fence (something else the neighbours have complained about in the past).
My children aren't especially quiet, but I don't think they're especially noisy either. My parents are always telling me how much quieter they are than my brother's 4 boys, for example.

If they're not behaving in an antisocial manner, I think it's fine for my children to be playing in their own garden and that I shouldn't be constantly on their case to play indoors, or to play with hushed voices. AIBU?

OP posts:
krustykittens · 10/04/2020 12:53

I don't think you are doing anything wrong, OP. Lockdown is making everyone stressed and anxious and it's not helping neighbourly relations. They do sound like they hate kids. While I agree about not letting kids out too early as everyone is entitled to a lie in, I think everyone should be able to make use of their gardens for as long as they like during the day, especially when the weather is nice. If the neighbours don't like the sound of other people using their gardens, tough. I could complain about everything they do that winds you up, they are not interested in having a good relationship with you. Some people could start a fight in an empty house! We live very rurally and have a couple who have complained, amongst other things, that the trees around our house shed too many leaves in the autumn and they have to rake them up and that our ponies won't come to the fence and let their granddaughter feed them! I shudder to think what they would be like if they had to live in town, surrounded by others!

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 10/04/2020 12:53

"Low frustration tolerance"

Is that a posh way of saying your kid was 3?

Sometimes once the damage is done, it's difficult to come back from. If your neighbours endured a long spell of noisy children constantly in the garden, it may have felt inescapable and now any much more acceptable noise will aggravate them.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 10/04/2020 12:54

Why pile they have to buy noise cancelling headphones to sit in their own garden?

Top trumps etc can be played indoors, likewise reading a story etc.

Honeybee85 · 10/04/2020 12:59

They should be able to read a book without being able to hear your kids at 6 pm?

Who do they think they are Confused.
I would report them to the council for harassment if they bother you or your DC again with their unreasonable compaining.

LaurieMarlow · 10/04/2020 12:59

to sit in their own garden?

They can sit in their own garden regardless. No ones stopping them from doing that.

If they want perfect peace, then they need to move away from other people or alternatively buying the headphones is a good compromise.

Kraejka · 10/04/2020 12:59

It's always hard to tell who is being unreasonable on threads like this because none of us are in your neighbour's garden to be able to judge whether the children are too noisy.
It could be that they are noisier than you think they are because you have got used to the noise level. You also say the youngest is sometimes uncooperative and used to be worse. Is this maybe what is causing the problem? And it sounds like the problem has been going on for a long time, though you say it is better now.

I wonder if the length of time this has been going on and the fact that the children are at home for most of the day, even in normal times, due to the home-schooling, is what is annoying the neighbours. There isn't really much time at all when they can enjoy their garden in peace. You've only just stopped the children going out before 9am - I think it was a bit inconsiderate of you that they were allowed to go out and make a noise in the garden that early in the first place.

However, it does sound as if you have tried to make adjustments and you do bring the children in if they become too noisy. I would suggest that you limit their garden time a bit more during this pandemic - if the neighbours can't get out at all it must be hard for them too. I think not letting them go out too early and having them in before 6pm at the latest would be a good idea - as well as having a longer lunch break indoors and then at least a couple of hours morning or afternoon where they are learning inside the house.
And then ignore any further complaints. There's nothing more you can do about it.
Some neighbours can be arseholes though - I've got some who are a bit "sniffy" to the me and other neighbours about noise - there have never been any direct complaints but they drop hints. They were horrible to the family who lived in my flat before me though. Unfortunately if you live in flats or semi-detached or terraced houses you are going to hear other people's noise and have to be tolerant of it to a certain extent.

Stripyhoglets1 · 10/04/2020 13:00

It's normal noise. They clearly won't be happy with any noise so just ignore them and let the kids out to use their garden

OlaEliza · 10/04/2020 13:02

When do your neighbours get quite enjoyment of THEIR garden if your noisy kids are always in yours?

I think you need to consider that they might like to sit outside on a sunny afternoon and actually have some peace out there.

If you expect them to be considerate of your kids need to be outside, then you need to afford them the same consideration.

FrancisCrawford · 10/04/2020 13:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lemontreebird · 10/04/2020 13:03

I think it would be nice if you could agree a time with your neighbours when they can have some quiet time in the garden.

Your kids' level of noise might be fine overall, but the constant noise all through the day might not.

I've lived with elderly noisy neighbours for years - yappy dog, radio, daily barbecues - and the constant noise does get you down.

StinkyHedgehog · 10/04/2020 13:05

If more than one set of neighbours is unhappy with the noise from your garden, then it must be more than general playful noise, surely? I am not saying that this necessarily applies to you, OP, but some people just don't realise how noisy their children are.

We have neighbours with children who are so noisy, and they scream and squeal whilst playing. It is ear-piercing. And then the dad joins in. Everything is at such a high level, and constant. We are now getting the constant thump thump thump of a football at the shared fence. Since we've all been stuck at home, they have now started playing loud music for the children to dance to. And have invested in a drum kit.

I don't mind the general hubbub of noise from a "normal" house, but this family seem oblivious to the level of their noise. We have never complained, because I know that children are inherently noisy. I am struggling with not being able to go out (am having to self-isolate for health reasons), and not having any peace at all just makes me want to cry.

I do think some people just don't realise how noisy they are.

LostInTheWoods1 · 10/04/2020 13:06

How exactly do they propose you mute 2 children when we are all tied to either being in the house or garden at the moment. I mean complaining about reading to your children? Maybe they have completely forgotten what it is like to have young children?

I suggest you ignore them and carry on as you are, don’t shut your children indoors, it sounds like you are trying to be as considerate as possible.

Quicklittlenamechange · 10/04/2020 13:06

Annoying title OP.
Of course your DC can play in the garden but it seems they do everything in the garden.
Reading out loud and playing top trumps ( no doubt shouting if they win)out in the garden is annoying, really not necessary and selfish.
Our neighbours on one side are lovely, 2 small children, playing sounds etc.
Not particularly loud.
The other side are LOUD all the time, shout all the time and performance parent.
Its really inconsiderate to behave like you are, but you sound really selfish so you wont listen.

LaurieMarlow · 10/04/2020 13:10

Yet again, why is reading aloud in the garden different to having a conversation?

VegetableMunge · 10/04/2020 13:13

Them expecting to be able to be in a garden at 6pm without hearing noise from children is deranged, whatever the rights and wrongs of anything else. There simply isn't any right to that in an urban area. That does not of course mean OP is blameless here, but it does mean the neighbours have an unrealistic sense of entitlement.

I think the point about homeschooling might be overstated a bit too. Yes, this particular family are present a lot. Equally though, if you live in an area where there are lots of other houses it could just as easily be that there's a family with school aged children so a break from their noise during the day, but then other neighbours who do use the garden when schools are open. Perhaps pre-schoolers, shift workers whose time to get noisy garden falls then, other retired people who like to host outside social gatherings during the afternoon. It's simply the luck of the draw that those people apparently aren't present now.

AJPTaylor · 10/04/2020 13:13

You can't reason with the unreasonable. Stop trying .

LittleCandle · 10/04/2020 13:13

Tell the neighbours to fuck off. As long as they don't scream non-stop, there isn't really an issue. If the neighbours want peace perfect peace, they need to move to a detached house in the middle of nowhere with no neighbours.

And if you don't want to tell them to fuck off, then ignore, ignore, ignore.

VegetableMunge · 10/04/2020 13:16

Sorry, that should have said shift workers whose time to get noisy garden jobs done falls then.

notacooldad · 10/04/2020 13:16

Tell the to F right off
Yeah, that skwysxworks!! Ffs!
Its hard to say if they are bring totally Ur or not because you can get immune to your own kids noise sometimes.
I would not have like to be sat outside listening to you tell kids off 30/40 times a day bec6ge was screaming
Maybe take a long objective look once again over a few days and see if they have a point. They may have, they may not.

NaturalBornWoman · 10/04/2020 13:16

It’s hilarious how 14% on here actually think it’s unreasonable to let your kids play in the garden

See I think it’s concerning how many don’t see there might be an issue with these homeschooled children whose mother needs to tell to pipe down 40 times a day and who are in the garden a lot (OPs emphasis). Must be an absolute fucking nightmare to live next to.

Cam77 · 10/04/2020 13:22

As others have said, as long as they start and finish playing at reasonable times its ok. However, I would definitely be considerate and limit garden time to say 50%.

blue25 · 10/04/2020 13:24

YABU. Show some consideration to your neighbours! People want to be able to sit and enjoy their gardens. They don’t want to listen to your noisy kids all day.

Your kids sound really loud and annoying TBH.

goldpartyhat · 10/04/2020 13:25

get all the household power tools out and start drilling and lawn cutting as if your life depended on it.

crispysausagerolls · 10/04/2020 13:26

This is just what neighbours have to deal with. Screaming isn’t nice, early or late isn’t nice. No. During the day is fine. You reading to your children is presumably as annoying as listening to your neighbours having whatever conversation they have in their garden. People have very unreasonable expectations around their neighbours sometimes. I am a very considerate neighbour I think, but I can’t help what is probably quite annoying conversation with my 21 year old as he’s obsessed with describing what he’s doing/colours and shapes and of course I respond to him. Must be dire to listen to, even if only 1-2 hours a day.

Mittens030869 · 10/04/2020 13:27

There really are some posters who try too hard to make everything the parent's fault. Do you really think neighbours are never unreasonable? Hmm

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