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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To get pregnant in this Covid 19 life ?

173 replies

LidiaM · 10/04/2020 01:27

Me and my husband really want to have another baby, our girl will be 3 in winter and I really wanted her to have a brother or sister close together.
I am worried though...
I am thinking that this might be very selfish from me to get pregnant now In this life we are living ?
Obviously if I end up being pregnant then the baby wont be born for another 9 months BUT we dont know when this is going to end, economy will be in poor state.
We can both mange money wise, I am just worried about everything else, would you get pregnant or wait another year and see how lifes going to be...?

OP posts:
RainMinusBow · 29/04/2020 09:37

@difficulttod That's so good, pleased to hear it. Hope your water birth goes really well 😊
Exactly as you say, care is a postcode lottery atm sadly. Since finding out I was pregnant with my third I booked a water birth at home. This was suspended about a month ago by my Trust and they are not reinstating as yet.
Since the pandemic my antenatal care has been poor - fewer appts and a lot of them by telephone. What can a telephone appt really measure?
No continuity of mw care whatsoever and for my 36 week appt they wanted me to go to the hospital. Totally counterintuitive considering I am doing my very best to avoid going in, esp at this time.
Postnatal care not going to be much better. No newborn hearing test and again, request to attend hospital.
As for a 36 week scan, this is something my Trust have never offered. They didn't for my last two pregnancies 10 and 13 years ago, either.
I am fortunate in that we have been able to employ an independent Midwife who has been superb. She lIves an hour away and is now supporting me with a high level of antenatal and postnatal care. I know this is not an option for everyone and I don't take this choice for granted.
All being well I will have my home birth and my fiancé will be present to see the arrival of his first (and our last - I'm 39!) baby 😊

chillichutneysarnie · 29/04/2020 09:39

When this all kicked off I was going to wait a bit more because of the virus, despite DH and I very much wanting children now and having been planning to start trying, very secure financially etc. But in the last few weeks I've read so many stories about difficult conceptions, unfortunately many early miscarriages, and I'm now thinking there's no guarantee I'll even get pregnant or give birth so why put off trying at my age (mid 30s). Who's to say one of us won't get ill suddenly from cancer or whatnot, you never know what's around the corner and can't put life on hold because of that. You always hear about birth plans going out of the window anyway and fairytale ideas going to pot, so not having partner at scans or delivery is just another one of those things. Also regarding potential virus risk to foetus, I was reminded recently that there are equally dangerous things I could catch from my cat's litter tray, but that doesn't stop everyone who owns a cat from having children. So basically I've done a 360 and going for it 👍

lynsey91 · 29/04/2020 09:53

I can't believe anyone would think about purposely getting pregnant at the moment.

Having children is a pretty selfish thing to do obviously but at the moment it's totally and utterly selfish. None of us know what is going to happen regarding this virus.

Also, as another poster said, is no thought given to the future for the children born now? Climate change is going to be awful and is definitely happening. Food and water shortages, rising sea levels etc. I would never ever bring a child into the world to face the future they are going to have to face.

It seems that for some people wanting a child is enough regardless of circumstances or the future they will face.

KaptenKrusty · 29/04/2020 10:11

Have to wonder why you are so active on a site called Mumsnet @lynsey91 if you are so against anyone having children 🙄

pandarific · 29/04/2020 10:41

@LynseyLou1982 odfod Biscuit

DrinkingInTheNightGarden · 29/04/2020 10:54

We were planning on trying for a second in July/August but at the moment we won't unless things drastically change. I'd be tempted to get through winter first and try for a second in 2021. I'm not too worried about an age gap, we did want no more than 4 years but what will be will be and I'm not going to stress it.

lynsey91 · 29/04/2020 11:05

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Rosebel · 29/04/2020 11:18

Good for you but given this is a site for parents perhaps you should keep any nasty opinions to yourself. If you don't have children I can't understand why you're so interested in this site.

FilthyforFirth · 29/04/2020 12:16

I think it is so personal and no right answer. I am pregnant and got pregnant before this kicked off. I personally would have waited given the chance.

I really just wanted to come on and say this though. No one has to give birth alone. My midwife has specifically said that midwifes are really annoyed at this spread of a horrible false rumour. Children ARE allowed to be looked after so partners can attend births.

I really wish people would stop trotting this lie out, it isn't helpful.

wellwist · 29/04/2020 12:18

@lynsey91
I too am glad that you didn't breed Smile

PurpleDaisies · 29/04/2020 12:19

Good for you but given this is a site for parents perhaps you should keep any nasty opinions to yourself. If you don't have children I can't understand why you're so interested in this site.

This is nonsense. MNHQ have said over and again that this is a site for anyone who wants to use it as long as you’re not an arsehole (I have paraphrased a bit).

Just because you disagree with that poster on this issue, don’t start generally attacking posters without children for being here. Look at the topics and how many of them have nothing at all to do with being a parent and give your head a wobble.

Baskininthegarden · 29/04/2020 12:22

absolutely wait. we just need to look at Zika virus to see what can happen when a foetus is infected in early stages and covid-19 hasnt been around long enough to know that it doesnt have similar or any other negative impact on growing babies.

effiehabb · 29/04/2020 12:23

I would absolutely wait Flowers

Foreverbaffled · 29/04/2020 12:26

Hi OP,

I found out I was pregnant just before corona hit. We’d debated postponing trying but I fell pregnant that month. Was meant to be.

I agree that there is a lot of unknowns with Covid-19 but research so far does show that pregnant women tend not to be at an increased risk. There is also no evidence of vertical transmission across the placenta - coronavirus’ are a very different animal to things like rubella/zika and very unlikely to cause birth defects. Fever etc in the first trimester isn’t great though.

Also comments about being told we’ll be giving birth alone are wildly untrue. In the UK you can certainly still have a birth partner unless they have symptoms of Covid. Then you can have someone else! Total scaremongering.

Maternity care has been stripped back a bit but it is still in place and the support is there. As a second time mum my appointments have only been reduced by one face to face (16 weeks) which isn’t the end of the world. I’m a nurse though so feel confident to take my own blood pressure/perform urinalysis at home but appreciate that’s not the norm.

It’s not ideal but Covid-19 is going to be around for a long time and actually at my age we would be seriously gambling with my fertility if we left it until a vaccine was universally rolled out.

Not ideal but do-able is my view.

Foreverbaffled · 29/04/2020 12:28

Ahh lynsey91 pops up on all of these threads terrifying everyone! Strange motivation to want to do that at every opportunity.

LisaSimpsonsbff · 29/04/2020 12:29

I think my thread is the one in conception where people are saying just to go for it! We're not, at the moment anyway, though - I wanted people to chat about feeling sad about not being able to, not encouragement to TTC!

I am finding it difficult, though, not to try when I'd so like to and when it feels so much the right time for our family in every other way. I'm very conscious that DS took me a long time and multiple miscarriages and so waiting feels risky - I can't imagine that'll be less likely as I age.

For me the only real reason is not knowing whether coronavirus has any impact on a developing pregnancy and whether pregnant women are at greater risk. The other stuff - DH not being at scans, fewer or remote midwife appointments, reduced birth options, not being able to go shopping for baby stuff - don't bother me much, though perhaps would have more for a first baby.

Rosebel · 29/04/2020 12:59

I didn't say she couldn't use it I asked why. It seems she doesn't like children or doesn't like people having them anyway. I find it offensive to be called selfish and am not the one who needs to give my head a wobble.

BirdieFriendReturns · 29/04/2020 13:09

lynsey91 - why do you spend so much time on Mumsnet if you are happily childfree? Weird!

Kokeshi123 · 29/04/2020 13:27

(Remember all those people predicting a COVID19 baby boom? As if!? The birth rate is going to tank over 2020-2021 and possibly beyond).

OP, I do not think you are selfish in the slightest. However, it might not be the nicest time to be pregnant or give birth. The only women I know who are actively trying to get pregnant right now, are late 30s or older and worried about leaving it too much longer.

Electrical · 29/04/2020 14:42

birdie have a browse at the many threads already about that. Have you noticed that most of the topics are not about parenting?? That it’s the only forum largely used by women on the entire internet? That posts appear when millions of subjects are googled? Ffs.

iswhois · 29/04/2020 14:55

We are still trying. It's been 8months TTC with no luck and I doubt it's gonna change anytime soon.

user1487755366 · 29/04/2020 15:03

It's not a great time (there isn't really a perfect time but this is a pretty dire time...)

I'm 8 weeks gone and have been relieved to be able to spend the first trimester at home as the sickness has been very difficult to cope with and I probably would have needed time off work. I'm still working from home but can rest when I need to...

My partner isn't allowed to come to scans and appointments with me though which is rubbish.

Cactuslove · 29/04/2020 15:24

I lost my gran to covid and just had this overwhelming feeling of life is too short. I am in a temporary promotion atm so financially the best I'll be both now and on mat leave. I already have a 20month son.

We decided we would try, stupidly thinking it would be months like last time. Its taken 1 time of unprotected sex which did come as a shock.

I feel completely overwhelmed and a bit shit reading this thread but can see how valid all the points are.

It is what it is and I am hopeful for a healthy pregnancy (no more than 4 weeks atm).

LisaSimpsonsbff · 29/04/2020 15:29

I completely understand why someone who doesn't want children and thinks it's morally wrong to have them would use Mumsnet. I can also see why they'd have a valuable input in a thread about whether to have children at all. I can't, though, see the value of coming onto a thread about the timing of trying to conceive right now to say that it's morally wrong to have children at all - it's just not a helpful contribution to the discussion, is it?

Foreverbaffled · 29/04/2020 15:46

@Cactuslove congratulations! Threads like this always make the newly pregnant feel crappy but remember these are just opinions and there has been a lot of scaremongering on this thread. Good luck for a happy and healthy pregnancy Flowers

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