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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To get pregnant in this Covid 19 life ?

173 replies

LidiaM · 10/04/2020 01:27

Me and my husband really want to have another baby, our girl will be 3 in winter and I really wanted her to have a brother or sister close together.
I am worried though...
I am thinking that this might be very selfish from me to get pregnant now In this life we are living ?
Obviously if I end up being pregnant then the baby wont be born for another 9 months BUT we dont know when this is going to end, economy will be in poor state.
We can both mange money wise, I am just worried about everything else, would you get pregnant or wait another year and see how lifes going to be...?

OP posts:
Monkeynuts18 · 12/04/2020 20:14

Such a personal decision. Like a PP I don’t understand the ‘OMG don’t TTC’ responses. There are lots of different considerations to take into account such as your age, any history of fertility issues, how long it took you to conceive your daughter, whether you had a complicated pregnancy or birth last time, and your personality (are you very prone to anxiety for example)?

Realistically you’re unlikely to conceive tomorrow.

If it were me, I’d take the approach @LisaSimpsonsbff is taking which seems sensible and balanced. Give it a couple of months and reassess the situation then. The position is still incredibly fluid - no one knows how things will look in 2 months time but we can guarantee it will look different. But that’s me not you!

user1491899880 · 13/04/2020 07:32

I completely understand you.
I'm turning 37 this year and I have a 2.5yo.
It took us 6months to get pregnant the first time.
Being pregnant during a pandemic scares me but at the same time I think it's now or never.

OpticVA · 13/04/2020 07:46

We were planning on starting TTC No 2 around now, it took just under 2 years for me to conceive DD so I am under no illusions that this time could well be similar (long, irregular cycles). We have decided to hang on another couple of months but will be cracking on after that due to previous history.

Stilllivinghere · 13/04/2020 07:56

I might have for my first- as I was clueless as to the process. Definitely would not for a second.

Reduced maternity services and reduced hospital services for how long???

gigi556 · 13/04/2020 08:10

Totally depends on individual circumstances. I'm 37 and have one DS who is turning 3 in June. I said to my husband the other day. It's this year or never. That's how I felt before the pandemic. My initial reaction was we can't ttc now but I've given it more thought and I'm not prepared to wait 12-18 months to start trying. We actually haven't made a firm decision either way as my husband is anxious and not sure about another one all together. Only you know your own circumstances OP. I agree about the age gap thing. It's not hugely important. For me, it's more about my own age and my husbands age.

GinUnicorn · 13/04/2020 08:14

Honestly I’d wait it out if you can. I’m 35 weeks and it’s incredibly stressful right now. Appointments moved or in a different hospital scans alone and less birth choice (home births and water births banned)

It will also mean it takes a long while to introduce family to little one and I’m constantly paranoid about picking it up at the shops. (No online deliveries to be had)

If you can wait I’d recommend it just for your own mental health.

VegetableMunge · 13/04/2020 08:15

I wouldn't choose to conceive at the moment unless my age dictated it was now or never.

The NHS is under colossal strain and it might well get worse, and if you conceive now you'll be giving birth slap bang in the middle of flu season so fuck knows what the situation will be then. Antenatal care is being pared back, you'd need to go to a hospital at least a few times, and you've no idea how restricted your birth choices might be. Lastly and probably most importantly, we don't yet know what impact it has on the foetus. It seems like a very bad idea to choose all this.

GroundHogDay01 · 13/04/2020 08:17

I’ve been thinking the same thing Op. we’ve decided not to. Too much to consider, giving birth alone, complications of you do contract COVID19, all NHS facilities are stretched to the max, it’d be unfair to them & what level of care you’d receive if you did have any complications

lmcneil003 · 13/04/2020 08:18

Don't do it. Too much happening and uncertainty.
Also, there will be so much suffering in the world, to dedicate resources to a child, some people would say it's selfish.

Helpthisgirl · 13/04/2020 08:19

Just found out I’m pregnant only about 4 weeks but I’m happy, go for it x

mrssunshinexxx · 13/04/2020 08:20

I think if you have to ask then you know the answer, wait it out things will be better sooner than we think 🤞

BuffaloCauliflower · 13/04/2020 08:23

@Normalmumandwife there won’t be a baby boom from this. People keep trotting it out and there’s absolutely no evidence for this. People always say there will be booms after events like this and it isn’t true, they don’t happen.

In this case:

  • A good chunk of births are accidental teen births, as all the teens are being isolated at home those births won’t happen.
  • IVF treatment seems of have completely stopped everywhere, so those births won’t happen, sadly for those involved
  • Births always drop in times of economic uncertainty, for good reason, and this is a pretty darn big one of those!
  • Couples who were planning to try are also likely to be put off by the uncertainty - health and income wise (I’ve seen loads of this on Mumsnet, lots of women saying they’d been planning to try this spring who now want to wait)
  • Only thing that could put it up is lack of contraception and access to abortion, but they’ve actually made it easier to get an abortion because of this, they’ll just mail you the pills. It’s easier than ever in this country.
  • Last but not least - lots of people are feeling more anxious and depressed than they usually would be. Something very likely to kill to kill your libido. I don’t think many people are constantly shagging right now, especially if they already have kids at home they’re trying to homeschool whilst wfh. People will be driving each other crazy, not getting amorous.

Births will go down for the 2025 intake school year by all likelihood

BuffaloCauliflower · 13/04/2020 08:27

OP I’m nearly 9 weeks pregnant with my first so got pregnant just before this all really kicked off, and yes it is a nervous time to be pregnant - and pregnancy is always an anxious time. I’d love to not be doing this now! But I’ve waited 32 years I’m not waiting any more! This is a time of real uncertainty. But only you know your situation, your finances, and how much you want another child now. There’s almost never a good time to have a child, we never know what’s round the corner, pandemic or otherwise. If you feel reasonably secure I’d go for it. It could take a while to get pregnant and lots will be different in a year

Worriedmum54321 · 13/04/2020 08:29

I would probably wait a month or two. However, even if you got pregnant now, you would not need an appointment until 10 weeks' time, by which things will be getting back to normal.

Ejb86 · 13/04/2020 08:31

@LidiaM my husband asked me if we should stop TTC. I said I didn't feel that I could stop. We're currently on cycle 5 of trying for our rainbow.

I lost twins last year, and in a way I'm grateful that they aren't here as they would have been born at 34 weeks at the latest and would have been very vulnerable.

I am in my 30s, and don't feel that I can put our life on hold indefinitely. I completely understand what everyone on here is saying, but wanted to say that you are not alone in making that choice.

Timeforanamechangeagain1 · 13/04/2020 08:39

I am. But, I am 40, have had fertility problems and recently had two miscarriages very close together. It took me a couple of years to conceive first DC. Having scans etc on my own doesn't phase me. It can't be any worse than what happened during my miscarriages. I don't have the luxury of time to wait. That said if I were younger I would wait, I'm not planning to pursue any fertility treatment and I have relaxed a bit on the hardcore healthy diet etc that I was adhering to. Now I am more, what will be will be. The reality is, I probably won't get pregnant. But am I ready to accept I'll never have more children? No, not yet. I think those with the luxury of time are very quick to say 'don't do it!' but it's rarely that straightforward.

WeAllHaveWings · 13/04/2020 08:42

I am risk adverse so I wouldn't.

  • access to antenatal care/giving birth/post natal care
  • risks of attending antenatal care
  • COVID19 health risks, including potential bereavement
  • job/financial security in current climate
  • we are all heading for a huge depression

I would wait a few months to see how this all pans out before even considering TTC. Priority needs to be making sure your current family has a safe and secure future before adding to it.

1990shopefulftm · 13/04/2020 08:46

I think you need to consider your personal circumstances, whether if you wait and it takes months or a year or more that you d still have time to wait for fertility treatments if it came to it.
I m 11 weeks so got pregnant before this situation got worse and my booking appointment had to be over the phone so had no BP check or bloods yet and my scans have to be alone.

I got lucky and had a private scan just before the lockdown so my nerves aren't too bad that something could be wrong with baby and i m low risk as far as I know so I m trying to be calm about it.

I m not particularly keen on a ward birth as I d like to go to the midwife unit but that option might get taken away come the time.

If you do decide to, I think you need to be prepared that you might get reduced care and that you ll need to deal with the anxiety of that but there's hope things could be better by then.

Useruseruserusee · 13/04/2020 08:48

I wouldn’t, purely because no one really knows the effect of having COVID-19 in the first trimester. It hasn’t been here long enough for us to know that.

Featurewall · 13/04/2020 08:51

I'd give it a year or so before trying if you can for reasons above. You want to be able to enjoy your pregnancy . Pls dont worry re age gap, 6 years between my girls lots of fun & they adore each other. It is what you make it. Why dont you focus on getting as fit / healthy as you can / saving as much money as poss to give yourself the best chances of a healthy and stress free pregnancy Flowers

frillyfarmer · 13/04/2020 09:02

We had our second in March, just before the lockdown. Going to hospital to give birth was scary, it was a surreal experience. Since then our DD hasn't met any family or friends outside of grandparents before lockdown happened, she will likely be months old before we see anyone, and having a newborn and a toddler in isolation is not what I'd ever planned. My husband is a key worker and I was relying on my mums help in the early days.

Before this pregnancy I went through recurrent miscarriage- I couldn't even compute having to go through that in a lockdown scenario- I leant so hard on my support network, they kept me going.

I sit awake at night wondering what shitstorm we have brought our daughter into, and I thank our lucky stars she was born before lockdown was imposed. I'm terrified of us needing to go into hospital in all of this, so I absolutely wouldn't be looking to get knocked up.

LynseyLou1982 · 13/04/2020 11:33

I'd wait if I were you. I say that as someone who's 11 weeks pregnant at the moment. If I'd have known this was going to happen before we started trying I'd have waited even though I'm an older mum. It's extremely stressful as ante natal care has been stripped back and my husband cannot come.to any scams or appointments and I have to go alone which doesn't help with the anxiety. I'm due in November so I really hope it's over by then. I really don't want to have my baby alone in a lockdown situation.

Nonnymum · 13/04/2020 11:35

To be honest I would wait. Being pregnant would just be an extra thing to worry about. None of us know when we will be free of this virus.

Viviennemary · 13/04/2020 11:38

No. I certainly would not try to get pregnant during this pandemic.

PicsInRed · 13/04/2020 11:42

I would wait 12 months and then reassess.

There is no chance I would deliberately get pregnant right now.