To get pregnant in this Covid 19 life ?

[LidiaM]

Me and my husband really want to have another baby, our girl will be 3 in winter and I really wanted her to have a brother or sister close together.
I am worried though...
I am thinking that this might be very selfish from me to get pregnant now In this life we are living ?
Obviously if I end up being pregnant then the baby wont be born for another 9 months BUT we dont know when this is going to end, economy will be in poor state.
We can both mange money wise, I am just worried about everything else, would you get pregnant or wait another year and see how lifes going to be...?

I would wait. It would be a very stressful pregnancy. In the grander scheme of things, a 3 and a half year age gap or a 5 year age gap won't change anything, except perhaps, levels of stress and worry!

I would wait personally. I’ll be 25 weeks tomorrow and I have a midwife appointment next week which I’m dreading, I don’t want to go to the GP surgery at all. Partners aren’t allowed at scans atm either so you’d have to go alone to those. I’m worried about my c-section in three months too, we don’t know whether DH will be able to accompany me yet or not. It’s a pretty crap time to be pregnant.

Hell no.

Sorry. Just no.

Personally I’d wait. As others said, age gaps aren’t important, maybe nice when they are tiny and you can get all of the early years stuff done at the same time or you want them to play with same toys and be able to go on the same rides at a theme park. But from mid teens onwards, the gap is less noticeable or important. Plus a small gap is no guarantee of friendship. I’m NC with DB1 who’s 18ms younger and close to DB2 who’s over 5 years younger.

You really really want to avoid being in hospitals during this time. Non emergency appointments are being cancelled left and right and I know someone who caught CV on hospital and ended up in ICU but luckily pulled through.

Plus they are hoping to have a vaccine in a year. You may not be able to have it if you’re pregnant. I can see no upsides to purposely getting pregnant right now.

I’d wait too. We don’t know enough about the risks from the virus in pregnancy and a tiny baby needs lots of hands on care so at risk after the birth.

I’d be doing absolutely nothing that would take me to hospital right now. Not just because of the health risks but there is enough pressure on the staff without purposely adding to it.

Age gaps don’t really matter, some siblings are close and others aren’t. Nothing to do with age.

There's no way I'd put myself or child in the position of needing any kid of medical care.

I'm planning on trying this year but not until later. Hopefully things will settle down although if they don't I'll have to think hard about it. I'd be really scared to be pregnant now and would really have struggled with being stuck inside with a small baby. I think it is your decision to make though.

I think for those who are older and ttc a first child, or who are going through difficulties in conceiving, it must be a very difficult decision and I can understand why they might continue ttc. If having a child had seemed like an impossible dream, it would be very hard to give up on that dream indefinitely, I’d imagine.

In your situation, OP, I personally would wait. I would be worried about the limited antenatal care available, giving birth potentially alone and being locked down with limited access to support post-birth.

Because the virus is only four months old no one knows yet if when a mother catches it early in pregnancy it might have a bad affect on the baby like Rubella.

I really hope it won't and I don't see any evidence it will. But if you wait say 8 months before trying you will know for sure.

Also hopefully the peak will be past and you will get better medical care and proven treatments if you should get the virus during pregnancy as well as their being more medical resources for your pregnancy and birth.

Good luck with your decision.

I totally get you, my daughter just turned 3 and I’m 36 so need to crack on if we want another.

But.

It feels unsafe.

I’ve lots of friends pregnant and the care is limited and risky. They’ve been told to prepare to give birth alone. Then once you have a baby it’ll be a total nightmare if they have health issues of any description. Can’t just pop to shops or baby group or weigh in clinic.

I’m not doing it right now. It’d a shit world to bring a child into.

do you not read the news or are you just lacking in critical thinking skills?

@tiggertogger You might think you sound clever here but you really don't.

OP - I have a few friends who are thinking the same. I don't see a problem with it, but there could be a baby boom in 9 months, resulting in limited resources!

I've just had a BFP but we were planning on waiting if I hadn't caught this month. I think if you are OK with the current circumstances and completely financially secure then go ahead but if there's any uncertainty in your future or if you'd be upset to go to scans alone/have a much less supported pregnancy then I'd wait. How old you are would be a big consideration on whether you could afford to wait or not.

I’m 34 weeks and absolutely terrified. I am so excited to meet my boy but heartbroken at the situation. It’s awful, I’d wait.

You have to consider your age and general health. There's just been a woman die shortly after labour in the US, her newborn is fighting it off. From the photos of her, she looked the upper end of overweight. That is a risk factor. It's the pressure on the heart and other organs. I don't think we know how gestational diabetes would go, if infected.

On the one hand the middle 30's don't have time to wait, but on the other side, there's been quite a few deaths from 30 upwards with no medical issues. Pregnancy complicates things, because your body is, under so much stress during labour.

Personally I'd wait three months. It looks like we'll have antibody tests, improved treatments and less pressure on the NHS.
A lot of the drugs being used in the treatment of Covid, aren't safe in pregnancy. If you were unwell enough to be off your feet, that leads to other issues, clots etc. A bad case of flu isn't recommended during pregnancy.

If you can wait, I would.

I'm 26 weeks and pretty level headed, and having a very low risk pregnancy. But it's still stressful not knowing which checks I'll miss, and what support DH will be able to give me around the birth. I'll be having an ELCS after and EMCS last time, and would've really struggled without him on the ward for the first while last time, but it's likely he'll have to go straight home. And who knows when our parents will get to meet the baby. I'm not sure if they've realised that yet.

I've been very lucky and got pregnant the first month three times, so if I were TTC now I'd stop and see how things pan out over the next few months. However, if I were older or had taken a long time to conceive DC1 I wouldn't be waiting.

Have a read of the November baby club in the pregnancy topic. It's full of mums worried about scans being pushed back and appointments over the phone only. One lady was threatening to have a termination as the private scan place was closed and she wouldn't wait for the nhs one. All very fraught I wouldn't risk it myself.

We started trying in January for our first and have now taken a break due to Covid. It’s gutting as we’d waited ages for the right time but I’m definite it was the right decision.

The health service is so stretched at the moment, if you are young and have time on your side I would say wait.

I am. FWIW I’m not in the UK.

I know my personal circumstances best and I’m pretty confident it’s the best choice for our family. Saying that if it takes up to six months that’d probably be ideal.

@tiggertogger . I don't lack any critical thinking thank you...so given that this is likely to be an issue for at least 18 months this do you suggest she does nothing..and then potentially find she struggles to conceive and wasted 18 months?

I think you would be nuts. My husband has a brother two years older than him and one 15 years younger than him - he is closer to the one 15 years younger.

We're in quite a similar situation - were just about to start trying for a second. I'm 33 so should have some time but then our first took two hours and three miscarriages, so we're prepared that no. 2 could be a struggle/never happen. We've agreed to not even think about it until this summer, on the grounds that hopefully things might be a little clearer by then and also that I think this winter could potentially be the worst of it, if it comes back in the most pressured time. It might be that by July it looks like an even more stupid idea - in which case I guess we'll be glad for the extra knowledge - but I've found just having a set 'review date' quite helpful; it was hard to decide not to TTC when in every other way the time feels so right and we're so sure we want a second child.

I'm due mid October with a high risk pregnancy and will be having a c section, this is an IVF pregnancy and was with our last embryo. We had 3 unsuccessful rounds last year and one miscarriage. I'm 35 this year and glad I am pregnant with this baby as I don't think it would be happening at all otherwise. I am pretty scared though and the antenatal care is absolute bare minimum. We are both keyworkers (HGV driver and NHS worker) so I am pretty worried about getting covid19.

I'm 26 weeks and not worried. My husband and I are in a very lucky situation as we can both work from home, so still have full wages and job security. I've had one midwife phone appt, but will be going in to the clinic for the next one at 28wks - it doesn't feel like it's impacting my pregnancy much at all, if anything I'm better off as I'm not having to commute.

I'm taking care, DH is doing the shopping and taking all precautions. When it comes to birth in July I know the medical staff will make me as safe as I possibly can be. I think it entirely depends on your personal circumstances (and where you are in the country as services are clearly differing), but genuinely don't understand the blanket scaremongering of "OMG DON'T TTC". Life isn't simple - go with the decision you feel is the best balance between risk and what your family needs - isn't that what we're all doing every day?