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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask friends to stop posting pictures of their children outside

179 replies

Fruitteatime · 08/04/2020 22:45

I feel sick to my stomach every time I see photos of friends children enjoying their gardens. Just feel so guilty that dd and ds don't have the same chance to be outside as we live in a flat. I'm really worried for my mental health and theirs. I normally don't care because I felt we had a good balance between getting out and about and being at home.

I absolutely appreciate that this is preferable to having covid or overwhelming the nhs. I'd really like to know how I can shake this feeling though and what I can do to help my children.

OP posts:
Cam77 · 09/04/2020 10:31

@Fruitteatime
I sympathise its really tough. Maybe go out for a good walk first thing?

PrincessConsueIaBananaHammock · 09/04/2020 10:31

@Deathraystare

1.it's bullshit
2.it's been confirmed it's bullshit

  1. The trust involved has said it's bullshit
  2. If you look at it logically and consider the points it's bullshit.

Stop scaremongering and propagating lies,misinformation and sensationalist "this came from someone high up in the NHS" bullshit.

theDudesmummy · 09/04/2020 10:34

Not necessarily scaremongering I am afraid. There are other countries with much more stringent lockdowns, some of which are doing relatively well, probably as a result. My parents cannot leave their house. There is no certainty the UK will not move to that when they feel the time is right.

Seventyone72seventy3 · 09/04/2020 10:35

If you lived in Italy or France your friends would mostly all live in flats, too. @MamaBearOnLockdown

In Italy, most people do live in flats! (Link here if you're interested but it's in Italian). I live in a city and I only know a handful of people who live in a house (and that's shared with other family groups) and hundreds living in flats.
www.istat.it/it/files/2011/01/testointegrale20100226.pdf

CarolineIngalls · 09/04/2020 10:45

Take the buggy. My child is a tall 3.5 and we almost got rid of the buggy a few months ago and I am so glad we didn't. I call it the hop on/hop off bus and we go for some proper walks. It isn't easy to make an outing both exercise for her and exercise for me. The buggy helps a lot.

Brefugee · 09/04/2020 10:46

I feel it is rather mean to share the pics widely, especially as I have many friends and family members on FB who are in a country where the lockdown is way more severe than in UK or Ireland (which is where I am at the moment).

By that reckoning (which is similar to the Fallacy of Relative Privation) nobody would ever post anything on social media ever.

My tip for social media is similar to that for pets and houseplants: if it (or one of your contacts on it) isn't enhancing your life, get rid. I see so much drama about "i can't unfriend" and while i know some people have really complicated relationships, there is usually no reason on earth you can't do that.

Or snooze someone for 30 days or whatever. One of my FB friends told me to stop posting so much feminist shit because her DH often saw it and he was worried she'd catch the feminist virus. Click! gone. Nobody tells me what to share (unless it's illegal) and similarly i don't tell others.

Maybe one good thing to come out of this is that people might decide that some people aren't worth having on their SM or in their lives and be happier for it.

Cyllie33 · 09/04/2020 10:51

OP you sound like a great parent - I hope you enjoyed your walk.

There are some right sanctimonious (childfree) twats out there at the moment

What an unpleasant comment. Having children or not being able to have children doesn’t determine whether someone is a bit of a twat or not. I truly wish people would strive to be a bit nicer to others.

theDudesmummy · 09/04/2020 10:58

I feel the opposite, actually. I have always enjoyed FB, use it in a way which makes me happy not sad, and in the current situation I am finding it more useful and enjoyable than ever, to keep connected with people, including a very far flung family, remind us all of better times, and of each other. Anyone whose stuff I don't particularly enjoy I just snooze.

In normal times I always post plenty of holiday pics etc, especially of my children, particularly because I know lots of my family and friends enjoy them (and quite a number of them in fact join us on holiday each year, so it is a nice way for everyone to share pics of each other and the holiday). I do that even knowing there are plenty of others seeing the pics who are not having a lovely holiday, or a lovely time, for whatever reason. I don't try and hide nice things happening to me because others don't have them.

But the current situation is different. Many people I know cannot even get outdoors, go for a walk, even take their dog out etc. It just seems wrong to post pics of my DS playing in a large garden or dipping his toes in a lake...

Paintedmaypole · 09/04/2020 11:10

I do thi k YABU and a bit dog in the manger. It is hard on you but why would seeing them in the garden make you feel worse? How would it improve your situation if they were stuck inside? There will always be people better and worse off than ourselves and we just have to make the best of the situation we are in.

Dieu · 09/04/2020 11:33

YABU. Sorry, it would be really childish to ask people not to do this.

MintyMabel · 09/04/2020 11:34

YABU.

DD has a disability. For ten years I’ve watched people posting pictures of things she can’t do and things she will never do. I’ve never considered their parents wrong for posting pictures of it. My problems don’t impact on their lives and it is impossible to control what other people do. Instead I unfollowed those who’s actions were particularly bothersome to me and if I’m feeling particularly fragile, stay off SM for a while til I can cope with it.

It’s impossible to know the problems other people face in their own lives. I know of people who are dealing with problems I don’t have. I’m not about to tell them how to deal with it and I wouldn’t expect them to do the same to me.

MrsJoshNavidi · 09/04/2020 11:36

Why would you toddler need a snack if you go outside for a couple of hours even? Surely s/he can go that long without eating?

Notpanickingjustyet · 09/04/2020 11:39

I would come off Facebook. I came off last night and already feel better today. It's the same old memes and being tagged if you're a great mum etc etc.
Plus I feel inferior about my child's homeschooling and I'm a teacher!
Facebook is definitely the thief of joy (as a pp said).

I'm now on mumsnet instead 🙄

Pickledlegs · 09/04/2020 11:39

Parenting is such a competitive sport.
Right now a lot of people are worried they are coming last, when that really isn't what they should be worried about. If you're all safe and well, you're doing fine.

LadyMadderRose · 09/04/2020 12:44

FWIW I do think some people post pictures to show off and show how great they / their kids are and can be insensitive. My ex does it - he's posted things that are misleading and suggest the kids are far better at things than they are, etc. Because he thrives on the likes and admiration.

However a lot of people don't and really are just sharing things with friends and family. The trouble is it will always have the potential to rub salt in someone's wounds. Some people will find pics of kids upsetting if they've been unable to have kids, for example. This is one reason I don't really like the whole social media circus at all, and don't post much (and am not on FB at all) - it makes me uncomfortable. It's also why social media is blamed for a lot of feelings of inadequacy and anxiety.

But I don't think you can reasonably ask people not to do it - you have to find a way of not letting it get to you, or stay off it. YANBU to find it hard though.

CallmeAngelina · 09/04/2020 13:10

I occasionally see people who announce they're coming off fb for a while as it's too "...insert your own word."
I would say that they are people who place too much store on such things and basically need to get a life.
Most of us are perfectly well able to view it in the spirit it was intended; a bit of light-hearted relief.

Original poster
Fruitteatime · 09/04/2020 13:36

We were out for 45 minutes this morning and feeling much better for it. Both children had enough by that point because it was quite warm outside. Toddler can last a couple of hours without a snack but he's small so I wouldn't want to make him wait if he'd not eaten much for breakfast which happens most days.

Asking friends to stop was the first thing that came to mind but I fully recognise that it would be unreasonable to ask them. Saving for a house with a garden will be top priority if we survive this.

OP posts:
Umnoway · 09/04/2020 13:39

YABU. It’s hardly their fault you don’t have a garden. You’re still allowed to go for a walk once a day.

julybaby32 · 09/04/2020 13:40

The slightly soapy damp clothing thing was something my mum used to do when we were small. She actually used to take a Tupperware container and a small bar of soap too, which generally got lost or dropped before use. I was an unfortunately vomity child and this was the 1960s.

Brefugee · 09/04/2020 13:47

my mum used to have a couple of damp flannels in a plastic bag - i used to do that too. Worked out ok for us.

DontRockTheB0at · 09/04/2020 14:42

Oh my, you make this sound really complicated. Take the pram out with you, all set off walking, when the toddle has had enough sit him in the pram, clean his hands and give him his snack. Pick up the pace a bit so you and older child get some exercise and then head home when you have had enough. There is a world of difference between taking the extended family on a day trip picnic and a toddler snacking in the pram on a walk! I mean this kindly but you need to get a grip. It’s like people have lost the ability to think at this time.

ravenmum · 09/04/2020 14:53

Where on earth have you seen that most people live in flats in these countries
By living in them :)

ravenmum · 09/04/2020 15:00

Here's a graph:
ec.europa.eu/eurostat/web/products-eurostat-news/-/DDN-20170412-1
The UK and Ireland have the highest proportion of people living in houses.

So now I'll get off this thread as it is all about the lucky people who get to live with other human beings during lockdown, underlining the fact that I don't Grin

MamaBearLockdown · 09/04/2020 15:02

I have lived in Germany and in France, and away from the main cities, it's blatantly untrue that "most people live in flats" Grin

ravenmum · 09/04/2020 15:04

I didn't say that most people live in flats, mind. Just that the OP would be more likely to have friends that also lived in flats.