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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask friends to stop posting pictures of their children outside

179 replies

Fruitteatime · 08/04/2020 22:45

I feel sick to my stomach every time I see photos of friends children enjoying their gardens. Just feel so guilty that dd and ds don't have the same chance to be outside as we live in a flat. I'm really worried for my mental health and theirs. I normally don't care because I felt we had a good balance between getting out and about and being at home.

I absolutely appreciate that this is preferable to having covid or overwhelming the nhs. I'd really like to know how I can shake this feeling though and what I can do to help my children.

OP posts:
1300cakes · 09/04/2020 00:56

Not sure you can be annoyed at people posting about their lives on Facebook. They aren't even posting anything fancy like pics of them in their infinity pool in the Maldives. Just pics hanging out in their own houses. Why not delete fb if you don't want to see what others are doing?

superkirby · 09/04/2020 00:59

I take toddler DD on a walk for a couple of hours every morning - she needs snacks so I bring them along, with sanitiser plus a full bottle of tap water and soap to wash her hands properly. She gets pretty mucky when outside as she likes picking up sticks, leaves, stones...bird poo Blush. We have an inner city flat with no garden or even a balcony and I think it's essential for her to have exercise and fresh air. So far she's been loving it, we've explored different parks and gardens in the area and she loves exploring nature. We take the buggy as we need to walk a while to get to somewhere safe enough for her to run around.

I've not had any judgemental looks or comments about her eating when we're outside. Even when we've had police patrolling our local parks it's been fine. They're more interested in multi-household groups sitting down for hours or just lying in the sun.

Roostersmum2 · 09/04/2020 00:59

I understand OP.

Myself, DH and our two are in a flat with no outdoor space. Whilst it doesn't upset me seeing others using their gardens I do wish we had one of our own. Our toddler has SEN and he's struggling to adjust to the new "normal"

The nearest green space is a park down the road but we don't want to use that at the moment as locals are abusing it (think picnics/groups/drinking on the grass and not respecting the 2m rule)

MamaBearOnLockdown · 09/04/2020 01:06

FFS any child can go without eating for two hours

so? Not everybody stuff their face at meal time, smaller portions with 1 snack between main meals is much healthier. HTH

maggiecate · 09/04/2020 01:15

For his hands take a bottle of water and some soap - wet hands, soap hands, rub, pour over water to rinse, dry. Feed snacks.

X1402 · 09/04/2020 07:23

Most people will be really nasty on aibu and tell you to just get a grip and get on with it whilst there sitting in there large garden asif it’s our own fault for not having enough money to have property with a garden. I feel for you as I’m in an overcrowded flat with a baby. We go for walks but it’s not the same as a garden, my baby can’t crawl around on the grass he just has to sit in the buggy. But if it does make you feel better id go for two walks screw what anyone says on here, it’s not hurting anyone.

X1402 · 09/04/2020 07:25

If your child needs a snack that’s fine just take it with you , everyone saying children can go two hours between food, not all of them can ffs ... my baby eats constantly and needs snacks when we go out walking !

Noconceptofnormal · 09/04/2020 07:36

Instead of being on Facebook, could you set up a WhatsApp group with other people you know who are raising kids in flats for solidarity, whether it's neighbours or people at school? Then share the ingenious ways you're entertaining kids at home?

And/or look up blogs on how people are doing this in other countries where flats are the norm, eg in Manhatten? You need to anchor yourself with different people.

HugeAckmansWife · 09/04/2020 07:39

roostermum please use that space. Just because others are in groups doesn't mean they'll come anywhere near you. Find an empty patch or quiet place and enjoy it

ravenmum · 09/04/2020 07:59

It's just because you live in the UK, where more people have houses than anywhere else in Europe. If you lived in Italy or France your friends would mostly all live in flats, too.

Make a deliberate effort to find better comparisons. For example, compare your situation in this lovely warm, dry few days to how it would be if this was January and we couldn't go out at all, and it was dark and miserable outside.

cologne4711 · 09/04/2020 08:00

Facebook fuels envy. Unfollow people until this is over.

Greenpop21 · 09/04/2020 08:00

It’s Facebook that’s the problem. You were happy with your life and how you’re balancing it. You looked on FB and now you’re comparing. It’s why I gave it up years ago. Always left me feeling shit.

BelleSausage · 09/04/2020 08:03

Delete Facebook and Instagram. You’ll feel much better and be FrEEEEEE.

mbhgfcbyyrrx · 09/04/2020 08:12

I feel for you OP But you are making this harder on yourself...

I would get out for an hour in the morning and an hour in the afternoon... I would take the buggy and any snacks needed.

Metal health is very important so you must try and use your entire exercise allowance

HandfulOfFlowers · 09/04/2020 08:15

Unfollow is your friend here. I have done that for a few FB friends in the past fortnight because the tone of their posts was very aggressive and judgy.

Kraejka · 09/04/2020 08:16

Be ruthless and snooze any facebook friends who are upsetting you. You can snooze them for 30 days and won't see their posts.
It's all bullshit anyway. They take a photo of a wonderful time "making memories" in the garden but don't post a video of them having a massive row with "hubby" half an hour earlier. Nor do they take a photo of their child crying because they are struggling with not being able to see friends despite the huge garden.
Just remember, it's a snapshot of one moment in a day.
Yeah, you can't give them a big garden but you are giving your children love and care in a different way even though it's hard.

Don't feel guilty about living in a flat and not a house. That's your living situation and you have to make the best of it. You can't magic a big house out of nowhere although some people on here seem to think that if people don't have a house and garden it's their own fault for not working hard enough of something. Absolute bollocks.

Go out once a day for your exercise. Take a snack. Sit down somewhere for a few minutes for your toddler to eat it. It's not like you are setting up a BBQ and having a load of friends over to meet you in a park.

AnonyHB · 09/04/2020 08:17

No, you can’t ask people to stop sharing stuff on their own profiles for your benefit, that is controlling and selfish.

YeahWhatevver · 09/04/2020 08:19

Stop looking and get outside for a walk

Christ, what a stupid thing to complain about OP

EmbarrassingMama · 09/04/2020 08:20

A toddler can cope for an hour without a snack if you don't want to let them eat outside.

Delete Facebook and go for a walk.

breakingbetter · 09/04/2020 08:26

Surely a child doesn't NEED a snack if you're only out for an hour? Not that there's anything wrong at all with a snack outside anyway.

Get out, everyday, it will make the world of difference.

zippyswife · 09/04/2020 08:30

I came off Facebook 4 years ago. One of this best things I’ve ever done for my mental health. Come off it and live your own life and stop comparing.
I do appreciate though it must be really tough in a flat with kids without a garden. So I do feel for you.

Sirzy · 09/04/2020 08:34

Go out for a walk after snack time?

Remember everyone is struggling at the moment and doing what they need to get through this as best as they can. Ds is on the shielding list so I am envious of those who can take children for a walk but at the same time I wouldn’t resent anyone that

shinyredbus · 09/04/2020 08:36

YABVU.

Latteaday123 · 09/04/2020 08:38

I'm sorry guys but going for a walk is NOT the same as having a garden that the children can freely explore and play. When out and with kids, there are so many dangers and you have stay alert the whole time. A lot of you suggesting a walk probably have gardens and no understanding of what it's like not to have one. I really feel for you OP. there must be thousands of people, like yourself who are struggling with no outside space. Hang on in there. This is not forever. X

Harakeke · 09/04/2020 08:43

“Christ, what a stupid thing to complain about OP“

There’s really no need to be unkind. If you (and the others being harsh) have an ounce of empathy you’ll understand OP is having a hard time. It really takes little effort to say something kind.

OP you sound like a good mum. Give your kid a snack, park him in the buggy and get some fresh air.