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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask friends to stop posting pictures of their children outside

179 replies

Fruitteatime · 08/04/2020 22:45

I feel sick to my stomach every time I see photos of friends children enjoying their gardens. Just feel so guilty that dd and ds don't have the same chance to be outside as we live in a flat. I'm really worried for my mental health and theirs. I normally don't care because I felt we had a good balance between getting out and about and being at home.

I absolutely appreciate that this is preferable to having covid or overwhelming the nhs. I'd really like to know how I can shake this feeling though and what I can do to help my children.

OP posts:
GreenLeafedLemon · 08/04/2020 22:59

I think you are being a little over sensitive.
Get drinks and snacks and the buggy ready, and get out for a lovely big walk.
No one will mind, and you’ll feel lots better.
Also as others suggested drop social media, and maybe read a book again, you can get reader apps and free books to download😊
Look after yourself

PrincessConsueIaBananaHammock · 08/04/2020 22:59

Are there any big open spaces you can go to?

Take a snack,take the buggy. Hell even take a ball and take them out. You can't have picnics or meet with friends or dwindle for a whole afternoon but you can spend two hours outside having some fun and running around. Play hide and seek, play tag,look for birds and squirrels and butterflies.
Just avoid areas/times that are busy.

Pommes · 08/04/2020 22:59

The fact that this is obviously a genuine worry to you, makes me certain that your children are two of the lucky ones. Thanks

Gettingo · 08/04/2020 23:02

The garden is one thing, but people have all kinds of secrets like abuse, infidelity, grief. Maybe their garden is their one little positive. I feel sorry for them. I really do, actually, because I think the "look at my great life" is so needy. I saw a mother out the other day, and she looked exhausted and miserable, and she was stalking her kids with her phone trying to get a pic of them looking happy! Finally she got one of them holding their scooters and grinning. It would have looked like one of those golden moments, but nah

WorraLiberty · 08/04/2020 23:02

Yes we can go for one walk a day. Ds is a toddler though so can't walk far. We could take buggy but then if we stay out long enough for dd to get some proper exercise he'd need a snack and I don't feel like snacking outside is acceptable at the moment.

Surely an hour/hour and a half would be long enough for exercise, so no need for food?

Also, what's wrong with snacking in his buggy anyway if he has to?

PippaPegg · 08/04/2020 23:03

Take the snacks Hmm

Or, more importantly, drinks and toys!

My DC1 loved his little ride on car to go longer distances and more recently his balance bike. Not expensive. Look on facebook marketplace for second hand if you need to. People are struggling and will be glad of the money.

Even one of those push along animals on a stick was good, not more than £10.

If people give you judgy looks, fuck them. Seriously. There are some right sanctimonious (childfree) twats out there at the moment.

juliej00ls · 08/04/2020 23:04

Snooze FB. You will feel so much better

MrsTerryPratchett · 08/04/2020 23:06

You can't control other people's behaviour, only your own.

SM is just shit.

BackforGood · 08/04/2020 23:07

Of course YABU

I have HUGE sympathy for anyone with little ones, and no garden at the moment, but you can't ask your friends not to post perfectly reasonable things on their own FB. As others have said, if it is upsetting you that much, then either go cold turkey on FB as a whole for a month, or block them for a month or whatever you feel is best.

Oh, and of course you can take a snack for your little one - although not sure why a little one can't manage without a snack for an hour, if you aren't out over a meal time.

Gettingo · 08/04/2020 23:09

If people give you judgy looks, fuck them.

So true.

Original poster
Fruitteatime · 08/04/2020 23:09

Bloody hell that's the first time responses on here have made me cry (in a good way, it's needed). Thank you, we will go out on a big walk tomorrow as soon as we are dressed.

Regarding the snack I'm worried about him eating after falling over on the grass/pavement. I have a little hand gel but will run out soon as didn't have the foresight to stock up. If we went right after breakfast I'm sure he'd manage a couple of hours though.

I know they aren't having a perfect time at the moment, the photos aren't even always perfect but just the fact that they can so easily provide their children with the outside space and sunshine that they need is overwhelming to me. I normally feel ok as we take trips to the park and toddler groups and older one swims and does rugby but obviously all rightly closed now. We are working our way to save for a house with a garden, which we are lucky to be able to do in the future. It is right now that I am concerned about but we are luckier than most and I am thankful for that.

OP posts:
Phifedean123 · 08/04/2020 23:12

Aw op I completely get it. I live in a flat with my two year old and I'm finding it a bit difficult. I'm lucky to have a tiny outdoor space but we absolutely still go for a big walk everyday it's so good for my mental health and makes DS so much happier too.
I actually de activated Facebook this week not for the same reasons really but just because it was weighing down really bad on my mental health, I would consider having a break from it during this? If its making you feel down that is.
I've been trying to do fun out doors kind of stuff inside too like kinetic sand, shaving foam in a tray, and water play like sink or float. It's hard but it's do able and my DS has actually been having a lot of fun as have I

mocktail · 08/04/2020 23:14

He's not going to catch coronavirus by falling over. Take them out for an hour, with the younger one in a pushchair with a snack for some of that time. It'll do all of you good. But don't begrudge other people their garden photos. Everyone's struggling at the moment and posting positive photos is some people's way of coping! By all means hide them or come off social media for a while if it's making you feel bad though.

amazedmummy · 08/04/2020 23:15

I'm sorry OP that things are so tough for you. Please do make the most of your walk. Round here the shops are starting to get stock of things back in so when you're doing your shopping keep checking you might get hand gel.

PrincessConsueIaBananaHammock · 08/04/2020 23:15

I really do, actually, because I think the "look at my great life" is so needy.

I post pics of my kid(when I remember) so that our families(and my home country friends) who are all over the Globe can see her and to catch up.

Do get over yourself.

This idea that anyone that posts on SM does it for attention or that they must be secretly miserable/falling apart is ridiculous and doesn't do anyone any good.

It's not about what others have, it's about what you have and how you can make the best of it.

Telling yourself their life is shit, doesn't make your situation any better or makes you appreciate it any more or use what you have.

It's a fucked up way to put people down under the guise of "keeping it real".

julybaby32 · 08/04/2020 23:16

Do you have any friends without children?

Jux · 08/04/2020 23:18

Go out. Take snacks and drinks. It will be lovely weather over the next few days and staying indoors in a flat would be miserable. Just do the social distancing scrupulously.

eaglejulesk · 08/04/2020 23:22

You can walk and you can come off Facebook - it hard but not complicated

This. Also, of course a child can snack outside.

pleasepleasepleasehelp · 08/04/2020 23:24

@Fruitteatime Of COURSE YABU.

Just deactivate your facebook if it bothers you that much. Your friends are entitled to post pics of their kids having fun in their gardens.

You living in a flat is not their problem.

buckeejit · 08/04/2020 23:29

Also, you can take a bar of soap and a bottle of water with you to wash hands - muslin or facecloth to dry them. You could decant handwash into a small travel bottle. If you get out for a good hour then you won't feel so bad being at home. I think you need for feel love for your home during this time. when things are tough, don't let resentment towards your home space build up.

WhereYouLeftIt · 08/04/2020 23:32

@Fruitteatime, can I just say, that as someone who grew up in a flat - I never 'felt' the lack of a garden? It was my normal. I was in my late twenties before I had a garden, and it frankly took some getting used to Grin.

Just trying to reassure you, that although you really want to give your children a garden to play in, your children will be just fine without it. ((hug))

maddy68 · 08/04/2020 23:33

Facebook isn't real people don't post the shot stuff. It's face value fun times. You haven't seen the day to day drama. Take your children out to the nearest green space take photos and put them on Facebook. You'll see that you're just the same x

Summersun77 · 08/04/2020 23:36

Sorry you’re feeling like this- I do feel for anyone stuck in a flat at the moment. I understand it’s hard but in the kindest way op You’re being a bit silly and it seems you’re looking for problems. Of course you can walk and your child can snack outside. Take wipes to wipe his hands down first, give snacks he can hold without touching the actual food eg banana where he can hold the skin. It’s going to be a miserable few weeks if you carry on the way you are. Also yes unfollow your friends social media pages for a while.

m0therofdragons · 08/04/2020 23:41

Every family is muddling through. My dc have a garden but parents who are barely present due to demanding key worker jobs. They'd probably prefer a flat and me home with them rather than going to the hospital.

I get what you're saying. When I see posts of people homeschooling I feel shit. My dc have laptops and have very little parental involvement on their work as Dh is working from home on constant video calls from 8am through to 6.30pm. Dc are being amazing but I feel bad that their education will suffer.

Pumpkintopf · 08/04/2020 23:46

If you're just worrying about grubby hands after your dc falling over pack a damp flannel or two in a ziploc bag, or as a pp said pack a bar of soap and a bottle of water.

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