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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask friends to stop posting pictures of their children outside

179 replies

Fruitteatime · 08/04/2020 22:45

I feel sick to my stomach every time I see photos of friends children enjoying their gardens. Just feel so guilty that dd and ds don't have the same chance to be outside as we live in a flat. I'm really worried for my mental health and theirs. I normally don't care because I felt we had a good balance between getting out and about and being at home.

I absolutely appreciate that this is preferable to having covid or overwhelming the nhs. I'd really like to know how I can shake this feeling though and what I can do to help my children.

OP posts:
Hunnybears · 08/04/2020 23:47

Must be really hard in a flat OP. I often wonder how those families manage. I would definitely take a snack outside though.

Malvinaa81 · 08/04/2020 23:48

I hope you are managing.

As for others, they will do what they do, and try their boasting with social media postings.

All of this going on is hard for many of us- stay strong and well.

whattodo2019 · 08/04/2020 23:49

Of course you can give your toddler a snack outside. We have been doing 2 hour walks or 2 hour cycle rides which have often included a picnic lunch. However, if we had a sandwich and an apple and water for lunch we made sure we were very isolated. We do live in the countryside and we rarely bump into anyone at all.
Get out and get walking miles.

whattodo2019 · 08/04/2020 23:50

I used to also have swings in my house on the door frames using pull-ups from
Argos.
Kept the kids happy for hours. Try and get inventive.

MamaBearOnLockdown · 08/04/2020 23:52

I have a garden, but most of the photos I post are of the walks we actually take outside! They are more for me than anyone else frankly.

My eldest started their lives in a flat, it's harder for the parent, it really is not for the child! It's on you to keep them quiet to respect the neighbours, and it's on you to be unable to do anything else when you take them out (as opposed to leave them in the garden when you do chores, but you wouldn't leave a toddler anyway). Really the children do not suffer one bit!

Enjoy your walk. Do you live in a busy area? It's hard if you are in the city centre, as you try to avoid people.
If you live in a quiet area, you can take as long as you want.

RedRedScab · 08/04/2020 23:52

You know you need a Facebook break. Forever would be ideal but maybe try two weeks to start with? You absolutely won't regret it.

Luckybe40 · 08/04/2020 23:54

I’m sorry but I can’t get over you not thinking it’s okay to snack outside!Shock because he might fall over? I just don’t understand, sorry...and if you are genuinely thinking of asking people to stop putting photos of their kids in their own garden...that’s being very very weird.

TheArchSorcererofContwaraburg · 09/04/2020 00:01

Of course it's unreasonable to ask other people to post on their own social media how you see fit, so definitely unfollow or snooze people and take some snacks on your walk.

MamaBearOnLockdown · 09/04/2020 00:01

It's not acceptable in any way shape or form to have a picnic outside. True. Your toddler having a snack is not included in that!
Obviously don't put a blanket down and make a whole fuss out of it.

The same way as a grown man shouldn't be seen urinating outside, it's disgusting. A little child caught short is fine...

feelingverylazytoday · 09/04/2020 00:03

Why would you need to take a snack on a walk? Just feed him before you go out.

Greenmarmalade · 09/04/2020 00:04

A banana would work as a snack without needing to wash hands?

MamaBearOnLockdown · 09/04/2020 00:06

Why would you need to take a snack on a walk?

Hmm why wouldn't you. You don't even know where the OP lives and how long their walk can last.
WorraLiberty · 09/04/2020 00:07

Regarding the snack I'm worried about him eating after falling over on the grass/pavement. I have a little hand gel but will run out soon as didn't have the foresight to stock up. If we went right after breakfast I'm sure he'd manage a couple of hours though.

If he can't manage a couple of hours without food, you've got bigger problems than him falling over.

Leflic · 09/04/2020 00:07

My nieces and nephews live on a farm. One (15) is out all day riding a tractor getting ready to do the tractor test to ride on the roads and the others have lambing to get on with.
Mine on the other hand hasn’t left his room except to go for a walk.
Definitely some are getting more than others out of this!
Don’t feel bad. It us what it us.

Petiolaris · 09/04/2020 00:11

I don’t think you can ask people not to post stuff just because you’re jealous that you don’t have the same. Many of my friends have things I don’t have - a big garden, a professional job, a group of girl friends to drink and gossip with, a nice figure. Should I ask them not to post photos of those things because it upsets me that I don’t have them?

WhatWouldYouDoWhatWouldJesusDo · 09/04/2020 00:15

Aww i'm really feeling not having a garden too. We only have a tiny yard.

Take the pushchair and just let toddler snack in there if needed and take a ball / bubble wand / scooter whatever.

You need a routine, so playing / baking whatever in the morning (( get the kids to plant some seeds. We planted sunflowers when this started and will measure how big it is when it ends ))

Then lunch, then the afternoon outside.

Back for dinner, bath and bed.

It honestly feels easier with a plan. I've put my foot down and ds is back at normal time, up at a decent hour and I'm making a point of getting dressed as soon as I get up. Just the being dressed makes everything else seem less overwhelming somehow.

LostInTheWoods1 · 09/04/2020 00:15

You don’t feel you can take a snack for your child? Who is going to arrest you the food police? We go for a walk most days and pack drinks and a snack for our 2 and 4 year old. As long as you aren’t digging out the picnic rug and laying out a buffet in the middle of a park, no one is going to arrest you for feeding your toddler a cracker outside your house!

feelingverylazytoday · 09/04/2020 00:17

Mamabear
I don't really need to know that, having been on thousands of walks without ever taking snacks.

WhatWouldYouDoWhatWouldJesusDo · 09/04/2020 00:19

WorraLiberty do you feel better for getting that out ?

Some toddlers don't eat large meals so may have a small lunch and a snack later.......given they only have small stomachs it makes sense really doesn't it ?

As a mother (( presumably )) and an adult I'm guessing you already know that Hmm

Fromthebirdsnest · 09/04/2020 00:22

Yabvu Facebook is a joy sucker , however although I rarely post pictures of my children online , just because I've got a garden and some people haven't i wouldn't not post photos , we can't go for walks as I'm shielding , does that mean I'm jealous when I see pictures of my friends on walks with there children ? No I'm not , it's odd times it's shit if you live in a flat , I brought a house with a garden we've worked hard for what we've got , you can of course go on an hour long walk take snacks and drinks for the kids , have a nice run round a park, find some ducks to feed and at home stay busy do crafts , bake , play games , build dens etc , I wouldn't worry about the kids they will be fine , but maybe reach out to friends to talk to if your feeling down its really difficult for everyone but we are all here for each other , try focussing on the things you've got like 2 beautiful children not the things you haven't , and maybe look for somewhere with a garden after this if you can x

SpokeTooSoon · 09/04/2020 00:23

Come on OP. There’s no limit to the amount of time you can spend outdoors.

You know what? Go out twice. Ignore the lockdown fetishists. Take him out to run around in your nearest green space twice if it helps. So long as you keep away from people, it is literally no harm at all. Take bubbles, a ball, books for the buggy and as many snacks as you can fit under the buggy.

Also delete social media as soon as it makes you feel bad.

Fromthebirdsnest · 09/04/2020 00:28

Ps your clearly a lovely mum and your doing a great job so don't be so hard on your self ! X my kids may have a garden but the #blessed salt dough family bonding is a bit few and far between here 😂😂 just do your best it's all we can do xx

MamaBearOnLockdown · 09/04/2020 00:31

I don't really need to know that, having been on thousands of walks without ever taking snacks.

good for you. I haven't. My youngest is too young to have been on thousands of walk just yet, and my kids walk long enough that they like a break and a snack. Each to their own.

WotchaTalkinBoutWillis · 09/04/2020 00:41

I feel sick to my stomach every time I see photos of friends children enjoying their gardens.

Why? Because they have something you don't?
I'm sorry if that sounds harsh, I don't mean it to - but you can't stop people sharing what's going on in theirs just because you don't have the same.
I say this as someone with literally just a small backyard and no garden)

I have friends who have been posting they've been camping out since lockdown started.
Big tent in the garden, they've got grass and everything. Some look like a feckin field.
Should I want them to stop posting as I've only got a few slabs of concrete?!
No.
I'm happy for them and like seeing what they're up too.
You make the most of what you've got and I don't care if that sounds blah.

WorraLiberty · 09/04/2020 00:55

WhatWouldYouDoWhatWouldJesusDo Oh come on now. FFS any child can go without eating for two hours.

And yes thanks for asking, I do feel better for saying that.

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