To ask friends to stop posting pictures of their children outside

[Fruitteatime]

I feel sick to my stomach every time I see photos of friends children enjoying their gardens. Just feel so guilty that dd and ds don't have the same chance to be outside as we live in a flat. I'm really worried for my mental health and theirs. I normally don't care because I felt we had a good balance between getting out and about and being at home.

I absolutely appreciate that this is preferable to having covid or overwhelming the nhs. I'd really like to know how I can shake this feeling though and what I can do to help my children.

YABU and I live with DS in a flat with no garden. It is what it is unfortunately. You just have to remember that it's temporary.

"if we stay out long enough for dd to get some proper exercise he'd need a snack and I don't feel like snacking outside is acceptable at the moment."

Dont be ridiculous. Why on earth not. You can take them out for a really long walk, give them a snack, and when they get tired, stick them in the buggy. Then, if you really are jealous of people with gardens, when this is all over, work your socks off and move.

What tabby said

How long is your long walk that it can't be done without snacks?

YABU
Of course you can snack outside

Your DC can’t be outside for an hour without snack?

Everything about your post is mind blowing

Can't you just not look if it bothers you? We can't go out at all and it didn't occur to me to ask everyone else to pretend to be in the same situation.

YABU. I do get it somewhat I used to live in a flat with my child and it was bad enough back then but I cannot imagine what it’s like right now during this.. But asking people to not post photos of their children in the their gardens. YABU! Unfriendly or unfollow them if it’s bothering you. Can’t you just go out for a walk?

snacking outside is fine. please try to enjoy your time outside. i really really feel for people with no outdoor space, particularly with kids ❤️

He will be fine having a snack in his pram, guessing he won't be touching stuff outside, just need to be careful of your own hands if passing the food to him or whatever. It must be really hard without a garden at the moment, sorry you are feeling this way OP but don't feel bad.

I absolutely agree. People can be pretty insensitive with what they post right now.

It's Facebook people only post what they want others to see ,yes they might post a picture of their kids enjoying their garden,but the kids might have been stuck in doors all day and the parents drag them out for five minutes of Facebook picures,we do have a gardening it's a bit of a mess at the moment ,have been clearing it up ,if a post a picture ,( which I would rarely do) you can be damn sure I would post a,picture in the best angle ,that wouldn't show rubbish ( that we have been clearing) or an overgrown lawn etc ,people always seem to have a nicer home ,nicer holidays etc on Facebook,but it's not reality

I appreciate it must be difficult.
I honestly think it's just that people don't "think" about these things when posting.
I admit I'm probably one of these unintentionally insensitive people (and I feel awful now you have pointed it out).
I don't go through my facebook friends list and wonder if they have a garden or not and then exclude them from the post, but I will be more careful in future.

Sorry you’re having a hard time but it’s completely unreasonable to even think about asking people to stop posting photos of their children in their gardens. Ridiculous.

If it bothers you that much, just snooze these friends for 30 days.

It would also help to spend less time on FB and get out for a long walk each day. If you go just after a meal your toddler really shouldn’t need snacks! Just take a bottle of water. If they really can’t go that long without snacking then it’s ok anyway to take a Tupperware box of chopped fruit or whatever- why on earth wouldn’t it be?

Yes, of course kids can survive without a snack but right now walks are not the most interesting because the playgrounds are closed and you are apt to get told to move along if you stop and linger to do anything that a toddler might find fun. If a bit of food as a bribe helps the walk to work, the OP should go for it. We are all in survival mode right now.

You are not restricted to leaving the house once a day. It is once for exercise, but there isn't a specific time limit on that or a ban on stopping for your child to have a snack. You can also leave to buy food etc.

If you have a garden or indeed a 2nd home that you've run off to , I'd keep quiet about it right now

@1300cakes

Not sure you can be annoyed at people posting about their lives on Facebook. They aren't even posting anything fancy like pics of them in their infinity pool in the Maldives. Just pics hanging out in their own houses. Why not delete fb if you don't want to see what others are doing?

YABU for posting that.

Coz now I want to be in an infinity pool in the Maldives.

How would you feel if a friend asked you to stop posting about your children because they were childless, or their children were in poorer health, or less fortunate than yours in some way?
That might help you to decide whether to ask them to stop.
Damp slightly soapy flannel or rag in a plastic bag might help with the practical problem, but not too much soap.

Go out after a good lunch, then absolutely no snacking required, a good fast walk with dd and the buggy for 45 mins, sorted. Deactivate FB. I have and feel much better for it.

Lots of people are understandably spending a lot of time right now planting seeds and tending their gardens. Why should they ‘keep quiet’ about it?

It’s not remotely comparable with running off to a second home which would be completely wrong and doesn’t constitute an essential journey.

If I wanted to post pictures of what I’ve been doing in my garden I damn well would!

What next- are people going to police photos of craft projects people are doing at home with their kids, on the basis that some people are better at crafting than others? Or whining about photos of kids baking efforts because some people haven’t been able to buy flour?

This is getting ridiculous. We’ve all got restrictions on our lives, and the OP is fortunate to be able to go out and walk compared to the thousands of people in the shielded group who can’t even do that.

If you don’t want to see photos on social media then there’s a simple solution - stop looking.

Re Farcebook....I come off it back in January, as did some of the rest of my family...and really don't miss it at all!
One only sees the edited highlights of people's lives on there, and your close friends and family can have a what's app chat, which is much better.
Facebook is full of fake news anyway...the amount of times people shared nonsense was unbelievable. They'd not check it, or verify it, but just pressed 'Share'.

It is nice of course to have a garden, however tiny, but a walk is just as good... Fresh air and a Walk ''keeps the trotters moving'' as a lovely 93 yr old told me yesterday over the phone as he was doing laps of his tiny garden.

I think you know what you need to do re social media.

Look at it this way: i live in the middle of nowhere and i have friends who live in London and often post about what they do, going to restaurants, using public transport all the time including night-time, plays, films, concerts, art galleries, museums, free WiFi everywhere etc etc

And yes, sometimes i get a bit jealous with my weekdays only 9-6pm hourly bus, no museums, concerts, restaurants closer than an hour away etc etc. And then I'm happy that my friends are happy, and happier for me when i manage a gig or a museum or whatever.

So now we get to enjoy the great outdoors and our garden and suddenly people are jealous of me because they're stuck in London. So i feel bad for them for a bit and then i get on with my life.

Sorry you're having a hard time, OP, but comparison (as they say) is the thief of joy.

Also can i ask all these water/soap toting people: have you always done this? how did you handle it before the Virus Crisis

You can't police other people sharing the reasonable things that they are doing.
You can control what you see of it.
The snooze for 30 days button is handy.

No one sane is going to get sniffy about a toddler eating snacks. Full scale picnic blanket and hamper yes, young child recharging no.

In England, one exercise per day is guidence rather than law. If it feels appropriately quiet for social distancing and low in risk, it is not against the law to have two short sessions out if that is more practical for your toddlers needs. That will depend on how accessible getting outside is (I'm thinking about the risks of shared spaces and lifts in larger blocks) and how busy the surrounding area is.

OP, obviously you'd never ask your friends to stop posting pictures of their gardens, that would be just plain weird

It's hard, lock down affect us all in different ways. Try and focus on the positives in your life. Being able to go out for lovely walks with your toddler makes you one of the lucky ones OP.

Stop looking on Facebook and get out in this lovely sunshine for a long walk with your dc’s - take snacks too!

You will feel tons better for it.