Husband not happy with money situation

[Moominmama79]

AIBU to 'expect' my husband to pay for things? He works full time and earns a good wage. He can easily afford to pay the mortgage and bills and still have plenty left over for us to treat ourselves. I'm currently not working, I lost my job due to the coronavirus. I was previously working part time as we have a son and I work my job around school times so I can look after him. My husband isn't happy that I don't make any contribution towards the bills. I could never afford to on my part time wage and saw what little I earned as money for me if I needed anything. My husband doesn't give me money for anything and I don't have access to his money so when I was working my money was mine and he paid the bills and shopping etc. He's always complaining about how he pays for 'everything' and how I 'expect everything for free'. The way I see it is he's supporting his family. I'm not getting things 'for free', I'm his wife not a lodger. Whenever I try to explain this to him he disagrees massively and says I should be contributing financially. I don't know how he expects me to when I'm not even working. I've been out of work a few times before and he's never given me any kind of allowance or anything, I've just had no income for myself and gone without if I've ever needed anything. He treats himself often, new clothes, days and nights out with his friends whereas I can't afford to do things like that myself. If I need new clothes, I go without. If he's working, me and my son stay home as I can't afford to take him out for the day or anything. I don't understand how he thinks this is the right way to do things. He says I ask for too much and always want money for things. The only time I ask him for money is if we need something for the house. Our TV recently broke and he bought another one but constantly reminds me that he bought 'me' a new TV. He does this with anything he buys for the house. He bought 'me' a new kitchen, he bought 'me' new carpets for the upstairs, oh and a new boiler when it packed up. Please tell me I'm not wrong

Op I’m sorry I’ve just read your wonderful update! Congratulations I’m so relieved for you!!

Wow just read your update op. I remember reading this and feeling worried about you because it is financial abuse. I am so glad that you left him because now you are happy. I wish you all the very best with your baking business.

Divorce the knob head! Then you will everything and not have to deal with his crap and be happier!

Brilliant to have such a positive update

Lovely to see karma biting him on the bum 😀

What a fabulous update! So happy for you. Although I’m sorry to see all the apologists earlier on the thread who thought you should be grateful for a financially and otherwise abusive husband.
Every time he visits are you ‘tralala look what I bought because I’m not married to an abusive shithole anymore who thought he could grind me down into a slave?? I love my new life, finally my child and I have opportunities!! So so happy ’

I remember reading your thread last year and being furious at you twat of a husband @Moominmama79 I'm so pleased you've left and are thriving.

Brilliant update, l followed your thread the first time round & then it popped up again. Always wondered what the outcome was, so pleased that it's worked out.

Do you think your ex regrets his miserly & financial abusive behaviour towards you now that he's paying more. It would have been cheaper for him to have financially supported you whilst married. The stupid bellend. There's so many of these threads with Op's stuck with financially abusive men atm, why do they behave like this?

[quote Moominmama79]@chocolatepowder I'm don't rely on a man, I've left him and doing perfectly fine without him[/quote]
Good for you. I'm glad your son has settled well at school. That must be a relief. Some kids would find that alone upsetting.

It's great that you're getting along with baking. You say you wanted to drive. I assume your ex husband drove? Why didn't he help you drive too?

He clearly didn't want to spend any money at all, and found reasonable requests to be doing you a favor, leading to resentment. You probably felt held back all the time whilst he was confident in the knowledge you wouldn't or couldn't leave.

Did you ever discuss finances before having a baby? Did he ever show an expectation that you would be a full time working mum?

He’s awful but unless you leave him you’re a fool.

What an uplifting update @Moominmama79! Really cheered me up. Good for you. Even happier to see that his rent is more than his mortgage was and that you’re getting maintenance for your child.

Do you think the penny finally dropped when you left or is he bitterly ruminating on how you’ve taken him for a ride?!

Having read what constitutes financial abuse, I'm not sure if this is it, unless he was behaving this way to deliberately cripple or control the OP. It just sounds like me like he didn't think they were a husband & wife team. It almost feels arms length, like they were two mates sharing a flat and a pet between them, instead of a child. He resented the responsibility of being the main earner and would probably prefer a relationship where the mothers works full time too (I'd be interested to know how that would have turned out with the chores at home though). He really needed someone to sit him down and explain to him all the unpaid labor she was doing all along that benefited both of them.....which he is having to find out now the hard way. Makes me wonder what his relationship with his mum is like.

@Binkybix Lol. It's hard to say isn't it? If he's really bad, he'll be incredibly annoyed at how much she's 'cost' him. All this will be another in a long list of silly expenses she incurred.....AND now he has to spend MORE money for traveling to see his son. He'll see the housework she did as reasonable payment for the boiler he bought her. He'll be moaning to his colleagues or mates and huffing about all the child maintenance costs and how inconvenient this is all for him. Poor lamb

I wonder what he does for a living.

Oh I’m so pleased to see your updates - I’ve often wondered about you and wondered how things were for you.

Great news on so many counts :) I hope you’re feeling rightfully proud of yourself.

@madcatladyforever

You don't need money to start a divorce, you can download the documents, serve him with papers and send the rest off to the court.

You need £550 to initiate a divorce. OK, they will call you for payment if you send it by post (rather than doing it online), but you still have to pay before they'll act on it.

And you don't serve him the paperwork; the court sends it to him and he has to acknowledge receipt. If he doesn't, then you can pay for the court to serve the papers on him.

Unless you're exempt from the fee, but she won't be, because she still lives with him and in theory shares an income (even though in practice they don't properly).

He sounds like a MASSIVE twat.

Sorry.

Oh ffs I've fallen for a zombie again.

Brilliant update. Well done for getting your life back @Moominmama79

🎉🎉🎉🌺🌺🌺

You should look for a full-time job - you're going to need it. Stop facilitating his ability to earn if he doesn't see you as a team.

[quote Moominmama79]@PurpleMustang we sold the house and he is now renting which is a lot more than our mortgage payments were. He's also paying a big chunk of child maintenance which he wasn't paying before[/quote]
I love this! You got the last laugh. You sound so much happier. Well done OP!

Just joined the thread and so happy OP left. What a Twat!!!!!

Man I wish I'd been there to laugh at him.
He had it good. So what if you didn't work, many people are stay at home parents... Not the end of the world is it?

I'm really happy your doing better without him

[quote Moominmama79]@PurpleMustang we sold the house and he is now renting which is a lot more than our mortgage payments were. He's also paying a big chunk of child maintenance which he wasn't paying before[/quote]
Serves him right.

Well done!

Uplifting updates - so glad you're out from under this bastard.

From the other side of the fence it's horrendous having all the finical pressure and responsibility dumped on one person.

If your not fussy might not be the same everywhere but I'm in the north and couple of friends made redundant or furloughed all found temp jobs