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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband not happy with money situation

999 replies

Moominmama79 · 08/04/2020 22:20

AIBU to 'expect' my husband to pay for things? He works full time and earns a good wage. He can easily afford to pay the mortgage and bills and still have plenty left over for us to treat ourselves. I'm currently not working, I lost my job due to the coronavirus. I was previously working part time as we have a son and I work my job around school times so I can look after him. My husband isn't happy that I don't make any contribution towards the bills. I could never afford to on my part time wage and saw what little I earned as money for me if I needed anything. My husband doesn't give me money for anything and I don't have access to his money so when I was working my money was mine and he paid the bills and shopping etc. He's always complaining about how he pays for 'everything' and how I 'expect everything for free'. The way I see it is he's supporting his family. I'm not getting things 'for free', I'm his wife not a lodger. Whenever I try to explain this to him he disagrees massively and says I should be contributing financially. I don't know how he expects me to when I'm not even working. I've been out of work a few times before and he's never given me any kind of allowance or anything, I've just had no income for myself and gone without if I've ever needed anything. He treats himself often, new clothes, days and nights out with his friends whereas I can't afford to do things like that myself. If I need new clothes, I go without. If he's working, me and my son stay home as I can't afford to take him out for the day or anything. I don't understand how he thinks this is the right way to do things. He says I ask for too much and always want money for things. The only time I ask him for money is if we need something for the house. Our TV recently broke and he bought another one but constantly reminds me that he bought 'me' a new TV. He does this with anything he buys for the house. He bought 'me' a new kitchen, he bought 'me' new carpets for the upstairs, oh and a new boiler when it packed up. Please tell me I'm not wrong

OP posts:
SatyajitRayFan · 03/01/2021 16:21

I am loving your updates @Moominmama79! You are giving so many women strength to take charge and walk out of controlling relationships! Flowers

FingersCrossedForAllOfUs · 03/01/2021 23:31

Fantastic updates OP. I’m so glad you and your LO are happy, settled and much better off without him. Flowers

Did the Ex ever acknowledge that he was treating you badly and financially abusing you? Even if he never said anything close to that, I hope he regrets it now as his outgoings and living circumstances have considerably worsened!

LittleMissTeacup · 04/01/2021 07:49

Amazing update and I’m so pleased for you.

I was shocked at some of the responses on here, but that’s all in the past as you sound so much better off with your new life.

Well done for having the courage and strength to make this change for you and your DS.

PicaK · 04/01/2021 08:43

Great update.

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 04/01/2021 11:56

@dane8

OMG ffs, Please don’t waste your time replying on those Ignorant stupid women on here There not worth your time😡😡😡

Lovely ending to an FINANCIALLY ABUSE
Relationship

Yes. We have a real problem when the wimmin are justifying abuse by the menz.... Angry
EstrellaPequena · 04/01/2021 12:10

Amazing update, well done you!!
Hope you have plans to divorce and claim what is rightfully yours and your son's? 50/50 wouldn't cut it!

Itistimeandiamscared · 04/01/2021 16:53

Well done, op.
Really happy for you.

Deadringer · 04/01/2021 17:05

That's what i call a happy ending op, well done. There are so many selfish arseholes out there who put the bare minimum into their marriages and still think their wives should be grateful. Nice to see one getting his comeuppance.

wishywashywoowoo70 · 04/01/2021 17:51

Amazing news well done OP

Youcunnyfunt · 06/01/2021 17:16

Wow, good for you OP :) Really good to hear you're doing well!

My3dahliasarebloominlovely · 27/02/2021 22:22

Bravo! All the best for your exciting new life!

Dddccc · 27/02/2021 22:59

Everyone saying well done the op dragged their child 200 miles away from his father out of spite hope he takes you to court for proper contact also as you moved you would have to pay the cost of taking your child to see and stay with his dad dont think you realise the damage you would have caused your child, my mother did that to me and I am now in my 30s and still hate her for moving us away from my dad and you are all gleeful about it, I have followed this tread and it was always your wants and needs

Mally2020 · 27/02/2021 23:06

he sounds like a dick assuming your son is a baby and needs around the clock care

Babyroobs · 27/02/2021 23:08

He sounds awful. My Dh earns twice what I earn but If I run short he will just transfer money to my account, I don't like asking but know hw will if needed. We don't have a mortgage any more but both pay some bills. He will pay for big expenses like holidays.
If you are making efforts to look for work then there's not a lot else you can do.

justasking111 · 27/02/2021 23:35

I remember your thread. So happy for you@Moominmama79. Have a wonderful future

Lalliella · 27/02/2021 23:38

Well done OP, great news! All the best for your new life Flowers

Coyoacan · 27/02/2021 23:40

I don't know why this has turned up now, but it is lovely to read a happy ending. Congratulations OP and thanks to all the people who gave you good advice.

Inertia · 27/02/2021 23:41

@Dddccc

Everyone saying well done the op dragged their child 200 miles away from his father out of spite hope he takes you to court for proper contact also as you moved you would have to pay the cost of taking your child to see and stay with his dad dont think you realise the damage you would have caused your child, my mother did that to me and I am now in my 30s and still hate her for moving us away from my dad and you are all gleeful about it, I have followed this tread and it was always your wants and needs
The OP moved to be close enough for her mother to provide childcare support so that she could work, because the child’s father refused to ever provide childcare or contribute to paying for it.
Joinedjustforthispost · 27/02/2021 23:44

Charge him for looking after his child , cooking for him and looking after the house. Men seem to forget how much women sacrifice to raise there family enabling them to work. Yanbu op his attitude stinks and needs to change, I’d consider having a good think about your future op .

8obbingabout · 27/02/2021 23:49

Im sorry OP but he sounds like a right Prick

You are correct he is supporting his family and you are his wife. His equal. How can he see you have no money? That is so disgusting and must be really hurtful for you. Especially as you explain that he can well afford it.

He may not realise he is in the wrong until its too late.

I hope he comes to his senses before you have left him and taken half of everything

Good Luck to you x

Redburnett · 27/02/2021 23:49

Get a joint account or divorce him.

ScribblingPixie · 27/02/2021 23:52

I love a happy ending. Well done, OP.

ginswinger · 27/02/2021 23:57

Did you take the boiler? It was your gift after all ....

Weenurse · 28/02/2021 00:00

Well done

MrsSiriusBlack1 · 28/02/2021 00:03

@8obbingabout read the thread ffs AngryConfused

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