Husband not happy with money situation

[Moominmama79]

AIBU to 'expect' my husband to pay for things? He works full time and earns a good wage. He can easily afford to pay the mortgage and bills and still have plenty left over for us to treat ourselves. I'm currently not working, I lost my job due to the coronavirus. I was previously working part time as we have a son and I work my job around school times so I can look after him. My husband isn't happy that I don't make any contribution towards the bills. I could never afford to on my part time wage and saw what little I earned as money for me if I needed anything. My husband doesn't give me money for anything and I don't have access to his money so when I was working my money was mine and he paid the bills and shopping etc. He's always complaining about how he pays for 'everything' and how I 'expect everything for free'. The way I see it is he's supporting his family. I'm not getting things 'for free', I'm his wife not a lodger. Whenever I try to explain this to him he disagrees massively and says I should be contributing financially. I don't know how he expects me to when I'm not even working. I've been out of work a few times before and he's never given me any kind of allowance or anything, I've just had no income for myself and gone without if I've ever needed anything. He treats himself often, new clothes, days and nights out with his friends whereas I can't afford to do things like that myself. If I need new clothes, I go without. If he's working, me and my son stay home as I can't afford to take him out for the day or anything. I don't understand how he thinks this is the right way to do things. He says I ask for too much and always want money for things. The only time I ask him for money is if we need something for the house. Our TV recently broke and he bought another one but constantly reminds me that he bought 'me' a new TV. He does this with anything he buys for the house. He bought 'me' a new kitchen, he bought 'me' new carpets for the upstairs, oh and a new boiler when it packed up. Please tell me I'm not wrong

*pay for a cleaner

@chocolatepowder I'm don't rely on a man, I've left him and doing perfectly fine without him

@PurpleMustang we sold the house and he is now renting which is a lot more than our mortgage payments were. He's also paying a big chunk of child maintenance which he wasn't paying before

Delighted for you. He not so smug now. Ladycat thats not comparing like for like. I worked 10 hrs my husband earns well. Of course he pays more. In op's case he got so bloody horrible about it. At time my boss wouldnt up my hours so it was just ten hours work. Op so happy for u

I am over the moon for you op.
What a twat.

you'd get more money out of him if you divorced him you know. He is financially abusing you. He profits from you being around to provide childcare... from you being there to collect the children and deal with the house.. this allows him to make more money in his career and saves him money because he doesn't have to fork out for childcare. You are supposed to be a team. He isn't acting like that he's acting like you do nothing... which is gaslighting because you helped him earn the money that he has earned. Dont settle for this. Get legal advice and leave him.

I just read the update! That's wonderful!! Well done OP

Good for you OP. Love the idea of him finally realising your worth. Good luck to you and your son for the future

I remember your thread. I'm so pleased for you OP!!! Thanks for updating. I wish you and your DS a fabulous, happy future. I left my abusive ex after 8 years, it's such a great feeling to be self sufficient and free.

Thank god you left him OP. He sounds insane, frankly. Astonishing that these type of men actually exist. Leaving him is probably the best thing you ever did. Happy New Year!!!

Fantastic OP!! Glad you have already got the house sold. Well at least with paying maintenance his is finally paying for his child. Idiot should of done so when you was with him and he wouldn't be in a rental finally paying for his child. Massive karma right there.

Thank you for the update op - I was really pleased when I read that you'd left him and you and DS were really happy in your new life.

....and then the second update was even better than the first one

Funny how none of his predictions came true isn't it, you are flying and he has come down to earth with a bump, without you supporting his lifestyle. What a sad, delusional individual. Complaining to you about having to do his own washing.

I wonder if he's realised what he's lost yet. In the meantime I expect you are too happy to care. I hope 2021 is fantastic for you.

I am so so happy for you. You could see your situation wasn't right, and you took the advice given to you on this thread. It's honestly heartening, well done to you for taking the action needed to get free from financial abuse and to improve your lot and that of your son. Thank you for updating, may this post inspire anyone else reading this who might be in a similar situation.

So pleasing that your ex is finally paying for his own child in some way, and experiencing the burden of housework, no longer supported by your labour and profiting off your back.

Brilliant update. Well done op

I am so pleased for you OP. Serves your ex right! My Mum was financially abused but just put up with it until he left for an OW. Well done for having the drive and courage to improve your life.

Absolutely delighted that you got rid of that miserable bastard. Well done

Rock on! Have a fabulous life! You deserve it! So pleased you left him.

This is absolutely brilliant. It’s great that you now get extra money. He should have been decent but he wasn’t and now he’s paying the price. I hope you go on to have an awesome life

Amazing update!
Congratulations on your new life!

Delighted for you, well done.

@LadyCatStark

Hmm I can see both POVs. He shouldn’t expect all his money to be for him but you expected all of your money to be for you when you were working. And you don’t seem to feel like you have a responsibility to contribute to the household finances yourself.

Well I don't think op had any choice but to manage her money in the way she did. Bearing in mind the attitude of her ex, had they both out their salary into one pot, paid ALL the bills from that pot, then shared out equally the remaining 'play' money, she would have had about £400pm to herself. But he sure wasn't going to agree to that. So instead of her contributing her £150 to the pot then having to ask him to cough up for her bus fair, tampons, lunch money, a new bra etc.. she took it upon herself to cut out the begging.

So happy to read this update. You are a very strong woman and will only get stronger. :)

That is what you call Karma.
So pleased you walked away from your toxic relationship.

You’re an inspiration OP. I bet you don’t miss him at all?