Husband not happy with money situation

[Moominmama79]

AIBU to 'expect' my husband to pay for things? He works full time and earns a good wage. He can easily afford to pay the mortgage and bills and still have plenty left over for us to treat ourselves. I'm currently not working, I lost my job due to the coronavirus. I was previously working part time as we have a son and I work my job around school times so I can look after him. My husband isn't happy that I don't make any contribution towards the bills. I could never afford to on my part time wage and saw what little I earned as money for me if I needed anything. My husband doesn't give me money for anything and I don't have access to his money so when I was working my money was mine and he paid the bills and shopping etc. He's always complaining about how he pays for 'everything' and how I 'expect everything for free'. The way I see it is he's supporting his family. I'm not getting things 'for free', I'm his wife not a lodger. Whenever I try to explain this to him he disagrees massively and says I should be contributing financially. I don't know how he expects me to when I'm not even working. I've been out of work a few times before and he's never given me any kind of allowance or anything, I've just had no income for myself and gone without if I've ever needed anything. He treats himself often, new clothes, days and nights out with his friends whereas I can't afford to do things like that myself. If I need new clothes, I go without. If he's working, me and my son stay home as I can't afford to take him out for the day or anything. I don't understand how he thinks this is the right way to do things. He says I ask for too much and always want money for things. The only time I ask him for money is if we need something for the house. Our TV recently broke and he bought another one but constantly reminds me that he bought 'me' a new TV. He does this with anything he buys for the house. He bought 'me' a new kitchen, he bought 'me' new carpets for the upstairs, oh and a new boiler when it packed up. Please tell me I'm not wrong

So happy for you @Moominmama79 could not believe how nasty your husband is.

@dane8

Galaxy She has LEFT HIM 5 mths ago

But you are spot on what you say 👍

Just caught up and seen! So proud of her!

Oh, fantastic! I do not understand men like this -- well I do, but women should stay away from having children with them. I was a SAHM and my husband earned for the whole family. He never considered it "his" money.
Well done for leaving him.

Thank you for all your (mostly ) kind comments!
For those asking, he was shocked when I told him I wanted to leave. He didn't believe I would go through with it as I 'can't cope without him. He's
worse off financially so he's not better off on his own like he always said he would be 🙄 He pays maintenance and visits DS when he can. We're on good terms for the sake of DS and he complains to me often about having to do his own housework etc Me and DS moved 200 miles away, close to my mum so I have support from her when I need it. We have our own home, albeit rented at the moment. Ds has settled very well into school. I'm in the process of registering as a home baker, a passion of mine and something the ex never supported. I'm also looking into doing some online courses to improve my chances of work. Something I couldn't afford to do before. I can also now finally afford to learn to drive so that's something else that will help job prospects too. Not to mention the freedom it will give me and ds for days out,holidays etc. When we're allowed to! We had an amazing Christmas, we're both doing good and very happy

2nd update is even more awesome than the first!

@Moominmama79
The thought of reality slowly dawning on that silly, selfish man has brought me such joy
It sounds as if you are absolutely soaring without his dead weight and that is wonderful news for your child, too.
All the best for 2021! 💪🏻

Well done Op, so pleased to read this!

Hmm I can see both POVs. He shouldn’t expect all his money to be for him but you expected all of your money to be for you when you were working. And you don’t seem to feel like you have a responsibility to contribute to the household finances yourself.

And still people don’t read the full thread 🙄

Loving the second update well done op

@LadyCatStark the only time I expected my money to be mine was in my last job when I only earned £150 a month and I used that for my own essentials. Any other time I contributed. After bills he would have around £800 spare for himself. If I contributed my £150 he would have even more for himself and I would be left with nothing unable to buy my own essentials. I don't think it was wrong of me to keep that £150 for myself considering he would have around £800 for himself

@LadyCatStark
The DH was against having a joint pool of money so OP had to keep her £150 for herself and their joint child as he wasn’t sharing his £800.
Have a think about that while you at least read OPs post?

he complains to me often about having to do his own housework etc
hahahahaha
he thinks this will make you take pity on him & go round to help him
hahahahahahaha

Well done OP! Great update.

This is brilliant news OP! I'm so so happy for you and really impressed.

I also hope that this will inspire other women in similar situations to find the courage to change their lives for the better. For anyone reading this stuck in an abusive relationship, please try and find a way out. Things can get better!

It says everything about him that rather than care for his family, he allowed ye move 200 miles away.

What a waster.

Again OP, well done.
So pleased for you.

Great update OP, well done! I have no sympathy for him and I hope he now understands and respects the value you brought to the family - not everything is monetary!

I’m so happy for you, OP. I hope your update also gives someone else in a similar situation some hope that they too could be brave enough to leave and things would work out. It’s so hard to find the courage - I know - I’ve been there! Really am pleased for you.

@LadyCatStark its called financial abuse, if her dp had been prepared to pay half for childcare the op could have got a better job.
As you're so fair minded think about that.

@LadyCatStark

Hmm I can see both POVs. He shouldn’t expect all his money to be for him but you expected all of your money to be for you when you were working. And you don’t seem to feel like you have a responsibility to contribute to the household finances yourself.

this is exactly why women remain silent... Dicks like this 🙄

Congratulations OP.... I'm so happy for you and your Son 🌺

@Malahaha sorry but saying should of stayed away is really rude. Do you think us women get into this type of situation on purpose? The trouble is they usually behave perfectly fine until the women are pregnant or have had the baby. Can assure you a lot of us would of stayed away from them if we had had a crystal ball and not believed their bullshit before getting pregnant.

Bloody hell op, that is marvellous.

I am absolutely thrilled for you. Well done, I wish you all the best for the future!

If your child is 6 I suggest that you make finding a better paid job a priority. Don't be reliant on a man.

Well done, OP. Great update and all the best for you and your DC. Sounds like you will be much happier!

Love your update about all that you are doing and that you have set and are achieving goals. And that you son loves his new school. Finding it funny that he is moaning about housework, cheek of it. Especially as it was all so easy to leave to you to do before. Maybe you should suggest he pays for one out of his dwindling pennies. Am confused how is he saying he is worse of if he was paying all the bills before and nothing for you and your son. Apart from child maintenance his outgoings won't have changed?