Husband not happy with money situation

[Moominmama79]

AIBU to 'expect' my husband to pay for things? He works full time and earns a good wage. He can easily afford to pay the mortgage and bills and still have plenty left over for us to treat ourselves. I'm currently not working, I lost my job due to the coronavirus. I was previously working part time as we have a son and I work my job around school times so I can look after him. My husband isn't happy that I don't make any contribution towards the bills. I could never afford to on my part time wage and saw what little I earned as money for me if I needed anything. My husband doesn't give me money for anything and I don't have access to his money so when I was working my money was mine and he paid the bills and shopping etc. He's always complaining about how he pays for 'everything' and how I 'expect everything for free'. The way I see it is he's supporting his family. I'm not getting things 'for free', I'm his wife not a lodger. Whenever I try to explain this to him he disagrees massively and says I should be contributing financially. I don't know how he expects me to when I'm not even working. I've been out of work a few times before and he's never given me any kind of allowance or anything, I've just had no income for myself and gone without if I've ever needed anything. He treats himself often, new clothes, days and nights out with his friends whereas I can't afford to do things like that myself. If I need new clothes, I go without. If he's working, me and my son stay home as I can't afford to take him out for the day or anything. I don't understand how he thinks this is the right way to do things. He says I ask for too much and always want money for things. The only time I ask him for money is if we need something for the house. Our TV recently broke and he bought another one but constantly reminds me that he bought 'me' a new TV. He does this with anything he buys for the house. He bought 'me' a new kitchen, he bought 'me' new carpets for the upstairs, oh and a new boiler when it packed up. Please tell me I'm not wrong

@Moominmama79 congratulatioms!! So pleased for you and your son

Delighted for you. God he sounded such a bully about money. Not nice. Well done to you.

Yanbu...and if you do find a job in the future id use your income to set up alone and divorce his arse!

I'd call Womensaid and talk it through with them.

Sorry, just read the update and that's such good news. Well done you

Great update op, delighted for you and your ds. Well done for being so brave. It’s easy to see just how capable you are when you don’t have an abusive dh holding you back!

BEST. NEWS. EVER!

Well done OP. I am bloody thrilled and so appreciate an update. It's so good to hear of success stories. I have no doubt you'll give other abused spouses hope!

CONGRATULATIONS!

Well done OP! I hope you got/get the financial settlement you deserve and he’s paying child support

@Alonelonelyloner

BEST. NEWS. EVER!

Well done OP. I am bloody thrilled and so appreciate an update. It's so good to hear of success stories. I have no doubt you'll give other abused spouses hope!

CONGRATULATIONS!

THIS!!!

Fantastic news @Moominmama79!

@Dreahil1

I think your wrong OP. When you worked you should of paid towards something even though you earned less than your DH. If you have been out of work previously maybe he is sick of having the full finicial responsibility.

Now you have no job I think for days out he should help you out with money until you find another job and basic things.

read the bloody thread FFS

@Moominmama79

Fantastic news 🎉

congratulations OP to you and your son ❤️

Personally @Moominmama79 you need to try at least to get another job. What little you did earn before you should have proportionally allocated to the family which you didn't. You said yourself you just funded your own lifestyle.

Well done @Moominmama79 I remember your thread last year. I really hope, like PP's have said that you are receiving child maintenance and got or will get a fair share of the marital assets including his pension.

@OhBaublesBaubles

Personally *@Moominmama79* you need to try at least to get another job. What little you did earn before you should have proportionally allocated to the family which you didn't. You said yourself you just funded your own lifestyle.

OP left her husband .. and is living a new life with her Son... read her update

@Moominmama79 great update! I'm pleased for you that you managed to leave. Sadly, your marriage sounds like it wasn't a true partnership.

Over the years, me and my husband have earned more or less than eachother. Due to ill health, my husband had to leave his permanent, full time job three years ago and now does part time, freelance so I earn far more than he does. All money is still family money. I wouldn't dream of seeing him go without things. Equally, if the situation were reversed, he would still see all money as family money.

Best of luck for the New Year!

@nctocomment

Good morning Moomin. My wife just showed me your comments and she tells me this is quite typical of a lot of women on Mumsnet. Your husband is not behaving like a husband or father. He has a wife and child, yet seems to think he can live as a single man and treat you as an inconvenience. This is obviously very unusual. He is treating you very cruelly. I doubt he has the capacity to change. If he did, he wouldn’t take this attitude in the first place. I am almost 50 and have never come across this mentality. You deserve respect as a mother, a woman and his wife. Men are proud to support their families - otherwise what’s the point? It’s not something you do as a favour. I have four children with my wife. I think it’s important for children to be with their mum, if at all possible, and I’m lucky to have a wife who had the patience to be home with them. I’m not sure I could do it, so the least I can do is to facilitate this financially. I couldn’t give birth or all the other things women do, so that’s my role and it’s not a favour. It what you do as a man. Otherwise don’t have children. I don’t know what you should do here. Probably leave him eventually? I don’t know what’s wrong with him.

I wish every man had your mindset, you are indeed right, agree 100% with everything you said.

Fabulous update op.. glad you are enjoying your new life

Financial abuse!

It’s irrelevant how much one partner earns in my book. It’s all joint family money and both partners have equal access and equal amounts to spend on themselves and their hobbies, otherwise what’s the point in being married?

So lovely to read a positive update.

Well done for being so brave👏.

Would love to read a comprehensive update...

Apologies for my noseiness.....love a positive story🤣😙👍

I'm really pleased for you, I remember your thread. Well done!

Brilliant update 😍

Good for you op! I remember the original thread and my heart broke for you.

@VintageStitchers

Financial abuse!

It’s irrelevant how much one partner earns in my book. It’s all joint family money and both partners have equal access and equal amounts to spend on themselves and their hobbies, otherwise what’s the point in being married?

Maybe read the OPs updates.