Husband not happy with money situation

[Moominmama79]

AIBU to 'expect' my husband to pay for things? He works full time and earns a good wage. He can easily afford to pay the mortgage and bills and still have plenty left over for us to treat ourselves. I'm currently not working, I lost my job due to the coronavirus. I was previously working part time as we have a son and I work my job around school times so I can look after him. My husband isn't happy that I don't make any contribution towards the bills. I could never afford to on my part time wage and saw what little I earned as money for me if I needed anything. My husband doesn't give me money for anything and I don't have access to his money so when I was working my money was mine and he paid the bills and shopping etc. He's always complaining about how he pays for 'everything' and how I 'expect everything for free'. The way I see it is he's supporting his family. I'm not getting things 'for free', I'm his wife not a lodger. Whenever I try to explain this to him he disagrees massively and says I should be contributing financially. I don't know how he expects me to when I'm not even working. I've been out of work a few times before and he's never given me any kind of allowance or anything, I've just had no income for myself and gone without if I've ever needed anything. He treats himself often, new clothes, days and nights out with his friends whereas I can't afford to do things like that myself. If I need new clothes, I go without. If he's working, me and my son stay home as I can't afford to take him out for the day or anything. I don't understand how he thinks this is the right way to do things. He says I ask for too much and always want money for things. The only time I ask him for money is if we need something for the house. Our TV recently broke and he bought another one but constantly reminds me that he bought 'me' a new TV. He does this with anything he buys for the house. He bought 'me' a new kitchen, he bought 'me' new carpets for the upstairs, oh and a new boiler when it packed up. Please tell me I'm not wrong

I missed your thread the first time around but just read all your posts and have shed a little tear at your update.

Well done op! Happy new year 🎉

Brilliant update and thank you for coming back and telling us.

Thanks for the update .. good for you! Congrats on your fresh start!

👍🙌👏👏👏

His attitude is shit. How can he refuse to pay for childcare? What alternatives does he have for the care of your child during holidays etc? I'd be seriously reconsidering my marriage to this man.

On the other hand, your child is of school age (obviously times are different at the moment) so under normal circumstances, you should be working and contributing. I think a lot of pp's would be of a different opinion if it was a woman who was working and paying everything and the man contributing nothing and expecting to contribute nothing for years to come. You can't live off someone forever.

I've just seen you've updated. Probably for the best, didn't sound like a healthy situation.

To those who are criticising the op for not putting her £150 in the pot please read the thread.

A. She has already left him.
B. She was not choosing to be a SAHM she was made redundant and doing the best she could to find a job.
C. She only wanted to keep her £150 to herself because he was refusing to pool all money and equalise spending money between them and expecting her to pay the bills 50:50. This would have wiped out her own money and meant that she still had nothing left for herself but he would be £150 better off and spend it on himself.
D. He was refusing to contribute to childcare to enable her to work more.

Some people really don't get this at all.

Well done OP. You have made a brave and difficult decision but is the right one for you and your DC.

Well done. So glad you and your son are out from your husband’s controlling ways.

OP is he paying Child Maintenance?

To be totally honest you've both got the same attitude towards wages. Yours is yours and his is his. 100% you should be contributing only if a little whilst working.

Yes he should be giving you access to the household finances when your unemployed but whilst working you both seem as bad as each other.

@Moominmama79

I'm not sure if updates are the done thing on here but I know a few of you were concerned about my situation. I just wanted to let you know that I left my husband 5 months ago. There were many other problems in our marriage, this was just one of them. My son and I are doing really well and have adjusted to our new life. I've never felt happier and wished I had the courage to do it sooner. My ex was also wrong saying I would never cope without him because I'm doing just that

For all the posters responding to the original APRIL post, the OP has updated!

Yes @Moominmama79! Your ex was totally wrong. Well done you brave brave woman. Here’s to a wonderful 2021!

Hurrah! He sounds a right prat. I hope you're getting a ton of maintenance and he's realised how easy he had it when he was "buying you everything"

Well done @Moominmama79, delighted to see your update! Best of luck for the future

You should insist on a joint account, his salary is family money.

Amazing news, OP. Is he paying maintenance? Are you in a new home? I'm so glad you're happy.

Well done op.

Yay⭐🥂🍾
(I wonder how the ex is getting on?)

I hate people with this kind of attitude towards money. It’s so belittling and mean.

Your solution is to get a full time job and I’m supposing if you get a full time job he will pay half of the increased childcare costs and share the burden of pickups/drop offs, juggling annual leave to cover school holidays, getting the day off at short notice when your child is ill and all the rest of it.

He’ll also of course step up and take on his fair share of the housework, shopping and cooking if he is so desperate for things to be ‘equal’.

Oh didn’t notice this was an updated thread I’m so glad you left him. People like him never change.

Well done, op.

I’m really happy for you and your son. Well done.

g

🙄 at all the people who clearly haven't read the update!

Well done, OP. Onwards and upwards.🥂

Send him a bill for his half of childcare. Does he know how much childcare costs you have saved the family by fitting in your work hours around childcare? He is financially abusive to you and your son. Don't have more children with him. So if you can't get a job your son must miss out too. I would not tolerate that. Do you at least get child benefit money for son , or does your DH earnings mean you get.mone? If so I would be asking for child benefit equivalent for your son. Your dh does know if you break up he has to pay maintenance got his son until he leaves education right? I would have a chat with DH and tell him either he supports you and his son until you can get another job or he leaves marital home and you claim benefits, which is it?