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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Husband not happy with money situation

999 replies

Moominmama79 · 08/04/2020 22:20

AIBU to 'expect' my husband to pay for things? He works full time and earns a good wage. He can easily afford to pay the mortgage and bills and still have plenty left over for us to treat ourselves. I'm currently not working, I lost my job due to the coronavirus. I was previously working part time as we have a son and I work my job around school times so I can look after him. My husband isn't happy that I don't make any contribution towards the bills. I could never afford to on my part time wage and saw what little I earned as money for me if I needed anything. My husband doesn't give me money for anything and I don't have access to his money so when I was working my money was mine and he paid the bills and shopping etc. He's always complaining about how he pays for 'everything' and how I 'expect everything for free'. The way I see it is he's supporting his family. I'm not getting things 'for free', I'm his wife not a lodger. Whenever I try to explain this to him he disagrees massively and says I should be contributing financially. I don't know how he expects me to when I'm not even working. I've been out of work a few times before and he's never given me any kind of allowance or anything, I've just had no income for myself and gone without if I've ever needed anything. He treats himself often, new clothes, days and nights out with his friends whereas I can't afford to do things like that myself. If I need new clothes, I go without. If he's working, me and my son stay home as I can't afford to take him out for the day or anything. I don't understand how he thinks this is the right way to do things. He says I ask for too much and always want money for things. The only time I ask him for money is if we need something for the house. Our TV recently broke and he bought another one but constantly reminds me that he bought 'me' a new TV. He does this with anything he buys for the house. He bought 'me' a new kitchen, he bought 'me' new carpets for the upstairs, oh and a new boiler when it packed up. Please tell me I'm not wrong

OP posts:
sodabreadjam · 02/01/2021 08:40

Great update! Well done OP. All the best for 2021.

Sickofthiscrapp · 02/01/2021 08:42

.

LouHotel · 02/01/2021 08:45

Well done OP, I hope your going for what your entitled. House, cms...

fullofhope100 · 02/01/2021 08:46

Just read your update OP Blush

Well done I'm SO happy for you.
Happy New Year to you and your DC Grin xxx

nicky7654 · 02/01/2021 08:47

I am so pleased you have a new life! I was very sad reading your earlier posts as your Husband was treating you so badly and obviously with no love or concern. I gave up work 3 years ago and my Husband put my name on his bank so I have money whenever needed. This should have been what your Husband did for you. Congratulations 💐

jelly79 · 02/01/2021 08:49

Working 4 hours a week whilst your child is in full time school is unreasonable in my opinion. Clearly you both don't agree on how this is working so rather than you expecting and him resenting you need to sit down and work out how it should work.

I anticipate it will involve you finding a job, working more hours and contributing to the pot. Therefore he will need to contribute more to the child care and house aspect of the relationship.

I am a single parent of a 3yo so I think BU

WhatsErFace2020 · 02/01/2021 08:50

Amazing news OP!! So glad to hear your doing better already!

Would love to have seen his face when the realisation hit that now he has to pay all bills AND maintenance 🤣😂 No more ‘treats‘ like new boilers and carpets for him 🤭

Iggly · 02/01/2021 08:51

@jelly79

Working 4 hours a week whilst your child is in full time school is unreasonable in my opinion. Clearly you both don't agree on how this is working so rather than you expecting and him resenting you need to sit down and work out how it should work.

I anticipate it will involve you finding a job, working more hours and contributing to the pot. Therefore he will need to contribute more to the child care and house aspect of the relationship.

I am a single parent of a 3yo so I think BU

I suggest you read all of the op’s posts.
jelly79 · 02/01/2021 08:51

Sorry OP I clearly only read the first few pages

willowmelangell · 02/01/2021 08:52

What a great update Op! I am so pleased for you and ds.
I think your experience would give hope to any one in a similar situation.

Enko · 02/01/2021 08:52

Wonderful Update OP I remember your thread back in April and its great to see you stood up and allowed yourself to be counted and seen as valued.

I would also like to hear what his reaction was to you leaving. & I hope you have made a claim for maintenance for your son.

GU24Mum · 02/01/2021 08:57

OP, that's such a great update. I'm really happy for you and your son.

bluerad · 02/01/2021 08:57

Well done OP, it takes courage to stand up to a controlling bully. I'm so pleased for you.

Italianmeringuebuttercream · 02/01/2021 08:59

@Moominmama79 I'm delighted to hear your update! I wish you all the best for the future xxx

Borderterrierpuppy · 02/01/2021 09:00

He is abusive.
I would sit down and calmly explain how it makes you feel and the impact on you and your son.
If he does not completely remedy this leave him.

Lalliella · 02/01/2021 09:01

Well done OP! Did you move away in the end? Good luck for the future.

Borderterrierpuppy · 02/01/2021 09:01

Just spotted your update, completely delighted for you, happy new year :)))

impostersong · 02/01/2021 09:02

Well done you! It's so important to hear success stories, thank you for sharing.

NotSorry · 02/01/2021 09:04

Well done OP - I love an update - hope you and your DS have a wonderful 2021

HermioneWeasley · 02/01/2021 09:05

Woo hoo! So pleased for you. Thanks for the update

RandomLondoner · 02/01/2021 09:06

Ok so maybe OP should hand over full care of the 6yr old DC and see how her DH manages his job with that? I mean then she’ll be fully free to pursue a full time career but somehow I can’t imagine he will be totally happy with that.

Let's be honest, this won't happen because to an even greater degree, she wouldn't want it. (If I'm wrong, then it would actually be a good solution. As he earns four times as much, he could easily pay for childcare. He could even pay her to do it, which would promote the solution from good to ideal.)

maddiemookins16mum · 02/01/2021 09:06

Do not have another wain with this man.

LaurieFairyCake · 02/01/2021 09:06

Well done ThanksThanksThanks

That's fantastic news

Amira19 · 02/01/2021 09:07

Well done op lovely update im glad you got outFlowers

orangecinnamon · 02/01/2021 09:07

@Moominmama79 brilliant! Thanks for some great news and the updates. Best wishes to you !