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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Husband not happy with money situation

999 replies

Moominmama79 · 08/04/2020 22:20

AIBU to 'expect' my husband to pay for things? He works full time and earns a good wage. He can easily afford to pay the mortgage and bills and still have plenty left over for us to treat ourselves. I'm currently not working, I lost my job due to the coronavirus. I was previously working part time as we have a son and I work my job around school times so I can look after him. My husband isn't happy that I don't make any contribution towards the bills. I could never afford to on my part time wage and saw what little I earned as money for me if I needed anything. My husband doesn't give me money for anything and I don't have access to his money so when I was working my money was mine and he paid the bills and shopping etc. He's always complaining about how he pays for 'everything' and how I 'expect everything for free'. The way I see it is he's supporting his family. I'm not getting things 'for free', I'm his wife not a lodger. Whenever I try to explain this to him he disagrees massively and says I should be contributing financially. I don't know how he expects me to when I'm not even working. I've been out of work a few times before and he's never given me any kind of allowance or anything, I've just had no income for myself and gone without if I've ever needed anything. He treats himself often, new clothes, days and nights out with his friends whereas I can't afford to do things like that myself. If I need new clothes, I go without. If he's working, me and my son stay home as I can't afford to take him out for the day or anything. I don't understand how he thinks this is the right way to do things. He says I ask for too much and always want money for things. The only time I ask him for money is if we need something for the house. Our TV recently broke and he bought another one but constantly reminds me that he bought 'me' a new TV. He does this with anything he buys for the house. He bought 'me' a new kitchen, he bought 'me' new carpets for the upstairs, oh and a new boiler when it packed up. Please tell me I'm not wrong

OP posts:
Wonderinstars · 02/01/2021 06:00

So happy to read this uplifting update which is appreciated OP.
Well done on changing your life and your son's life for the better, I imagine your mum is pleased for you too, are you living closer to her now? Your ex sounded horrendous.
Again, well done x

Ringsender2 · 02/01/2021 06:01

Hi OP, so glad you're happier now, and life is on the up.

Please, please, please make sure you get a full and fair settlement from the divorce. From your posts, you seem to have seen it as a bit 'normal' that you paid all chilcare, amongst other costs that should have been shared. I worry this might affect how much you ask for during divorce. As recommended around here, a SHL would be a very wise investment. He must have squirreled away a lot during your marriage. 50% minimum is yours.

MaudHatter · 02/01/2021 06:17

Fantastic news ! Enjoy your freedom! You are incredibly brave x

MyMonsteraisDeliciosa · 02/01/2021 06:35

I was bloody furious reading your earlier posts and your update made me do a silent cheer Grin

Very well done OP, all the best for the future

PoppyFleur · 02/01/2021 06:41

It takes courage to leave and step into the unknown, well done OP. I hope 2021 is a better and kinder year for you and your son.

Oreservoir · 02/01/2021 06:44

Well done op.

spicyspringroll · 02/01/2021 06:47

I only found your thread today OP but reading through it was awful what your husband was doing to you. Does your husband have much to do with your DS now you have separated? Was your DH expecting it or was it a shock when he found out you were leaving? Best of luck to you and your DA for the future x

SpeckledyHen · 02/01/2021 07:07

Great news OP . Onward and upward into 2021 .

Ragwort · 02/01/2021 07:11

Great update OP, well done and glad things are working out for you.

Classicbrunette · 02/01/2021 07:20

Well done on leaving him op, that must have taken a lot of courage 💐

jessstan1 · 02/01/2021 07:21

He'll be buying you a food mixer next - or a 'sucking' Hoover :-).

Your husband needs retraining.

Clutterbugsmum · 02/01/2021 07:25

jessstan1

Read the whole thread. OP has left him she doesn't need to re train him.

Chanandlerbong01 · 02/01/2021 07:28

Glad you are happy! Good luck for the future

FourDecades · 02/01/2021 07:28

Really good to read your update @Moominmama79. Did you go to your Mum's?

How has your STBXH reacted to you leaving?

Clutterbugsmum · 02/01/2021 07:29

Well done OP, hope you and your Dc had a good Christmas and a happy New year may it bring you all the happiness you deserve.

Isn't funny how all these useless men declare that 'you never manage without them' even though they do nothing to help you only add to your workload.

TanglinOrchards · 02/01/2021 07:30

Brilliant news OP.

If you get divorced I expect your husband will get a bit of a shock when he realises that the law's view of marital finances was very different from his.

TheClitterati · 02/01/2021 07:30

Well done OP. Always so great to read an update like this. Yes of course you can do it! Best of luck for 2021.

I hope you took "your" kitchen, carpets and boiler with you. Grin

bert3400 · 02/01/2021 07:32

What a fantastic update. Congratulations to you and your son for being so brave .

PearlescentIridescent · 02/01/2021 07:34

I've just found this thread and I'm so so happy for you! Flowers

huuuuunnnndderrricks · 02/01/2021 07:44

We share everything including money and my husband is happy to . He loves and respects the fact that he wouldn't have a career if I hadn't done everything else .. your husband is a controlling idiot ! Does he have any redeeming characteristics??

WizardOfAus · 02/01/2021 07:44

YES OP!!! 🙌 congratulations!!! Is he pulling his weight with childcare now?

jessstan1 · 02/01/2021 07:46

@Clutterbugsmum

jessstan1

Read the whole thread. OP has left him she doesn't need to re train him.

Sorry Clutterbugsmum, just woke. Blimey, 22 pages!

Sorry op too but I see "Good for you" is in order.

ivykaty44 · 02/01/2021 07:48

Tell him you'll be going back to work full time and he will be expected to pay half the child care - from now.

Cattitudes · 02/01/2021 07:48

Hope you took your boiler and carpets with you Grin. Agree to make sure that you have a really good lawyer for the financial settlement.

ivykaty44 · 02/01/2021 07:49

sorry, just read more

probably for the best, now maintenance might sting....

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